!!!PRE-POSTING SEXXY UPDATE!!! I actually wrote this on Friday. Or maybe it was Saturday so if there are any new updates I don't know about them.
Kylie Jenner got kicked off of Forbes billionaire list and is probably going to prison for LYING ABOUT FINANCIAL EARNINGS AND CREATING FALSE TAX RETURNS. That's all bold and in caps because that's about as criminally serious as it gets short of murder.
Shares of Coty tanked 13 percent on Friday after Forbes revoked Jenner’s status as the world’s youngest self-made billionaire and questioned whether the pouty-lipped Kardashian-clan member has been forging financial information to make herself look richer, including tax filings for her fledgling makeup empire, Kylie Cosmetics.
“Kylie’s business is significantly smaller, and less profitable, than the family has spent years leading the cosmetics industry and media outlets, including Forbes, to believe,” Forbes claimed in the explosive report.Yikes. You don't realize how serious this is. You can lie to Twitter and pre-dead rappers about how much money you earn to make yourself look like a big shot, but not the IRS or SEC. In a past life I worked very briefly as a "stockbroker" (series 7 and 63), during a class, someone just asked a question about insider trading to the guy teaching it, and it opened up an entire WORLD of hurt on the place where I worked. It was shocking how swift, and angry the response was to what I thought at the time was such a meaningless question. It was just pure luck everyone in the class wasn't marched out of the building by security the next day. I didn't last very long because that's a really shitty life no matter how much money you're making, sometimes money isn't worth it.
Anyway where was I? Oh yes. They've put people in prison for a lot less than that, and if the prosecutors want to make an example of someone it's going to be her. Laurie Laughlin is almost certainly going to prison for bribing people to let her stupid kids get into college, and there were no real "victims" in that case. Victims in the sense that she had money and others wanted that money and her kids got to pretend they could read for a while. Everyone wins. But if you manipulate financial markets people get hurt financially and the integrity of the whole system comes into question and they would rather lock you up and throw away the key before they let that happen.
You know why Kylie hasn't tweeted in almost 24 hours? ( Ed note: I wrote this Friday) Because her lawyers told her to shut the fuck up that's why. Anyway, who knows what will happen, frankly I hope they throw the whole bunch of them in the clink and weld the doors shut. We'll all be a lot better off.
