Forget Lizzo Here's Sofia Richie

I was going to write about Lizzo today and how she was all dressed up like a hippopotamus draped in a shiny circus tent and then thank God Sofia Richie showed up in a bikini. She's 23 years old and therefore substantially below my minimum age requirements but celebrity types are usually a little different than average citizens, mentally speaking, so I may let that slide this one time. I think she's Lionel Richie's daughter but I hate his music - yes even The Commodores - plus I thought she was buddies with Paris Hilton? But Paris Hilton is in her 40s so Sophie Richie probably couldn't have been hanging out with her 15 or 20 years ago so I have no idea who she is now. All I know is she looks good in blue and really that's all that matters.

Demi Moore Takes a Dip

 I wasn't going to write about Demi Moore at all but she put on a bathing suit and well... I figured I should say something since women over 40 in bathing suits seem to be the only thing I ever talk about anymore. Jesus Christ I really need to get out of the house.

Kristin Cavallari Got Some New Weights

Kristin Cavallari says she "put on some weight", and I can't figure out where, but I'm pretty sure she's talking about her breasts. I mean, that's what it looks like to me. They still call her the "Hills" star even though that show ended 12 years ago. People born when that show went off the air will be in high school soon and they still say she's the star of it. She was married to a Chicago Bear at one point - Jay Cutler - but he was a shitty quarterback so that's probably why she divorced him. That's pretty much why Chicago divorced him. That guy got divorced from an entire city and a hot 35 year old blonde with (now) big tits, all in the span of just a few years. Man what a gigantic loser.

Easy Link Day for Starters

 I had saved these stories as drafts and I was going to write a bunch of hilarious things and then I decided to not do that. But here they are if you want to read the originals. I didn't bother but I won't stop you, I'm not your manager...

Jessica Chastain is Mad About Tits or Something. 

Cameron Diaz Keistered a Bunch of Drugs. Probably. 

I Want to Marry Eva Longoria. 

Rita Ora Blah Blah Blah Your Guess is as Good as Mine. 

Like I said click those if you want. I myself will be looking at that Jennifer Aniston picture but if you don't want to that doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a horrible person.

Denise Richards has an OnlyFans

 

 Denise Richards joined OnlyFans. I have two questions...

1. The picture I used is from Instagram. Why would I pay money to see it on OnlyFans if I can see it on Instagram for free?

2. Have you seen some of the women on OnlyFans? Trust me, they make Denise Richards look like a boy even the women that are older than she is. Why would I join her OnlyFans to look at a picture of a boy in a bikini? 

3. I promise Denise Richards isn't doing anything X-Rated on OnlyFans but the hotter women are. So again, I ask, why would I pay for that? 

I don't know what she's going to do with her OnlyFans account because I'll never subscribe to her, but if she does anything gross let me know and I'll consider it. 

Controversial Opinion 101

 Okay fine I'll say it. Denise Pesina is pretty hot. Don't make me explain it I'M NOT THE ONE ON TRIAL HERE

Sandra Lee Sticks Out

 Somebody named Sandra Lee married some guy named Youcef. I think his first name is Ben but don't hold me to that. They said she's 56 years old and then went on to describe her outfit as "see through". I'm posting this in case you ever wonder why I want to find a new hobby. 

Congratulations Sandra and Ben or whatever. I hope this is the happiest upcoming 35 months of your life.

!!!UPDATE!!! If I didn't mention it yes she's I think she's extremely hot. So listen Sandra, if things don't work out with Brett, give me call