Listen to This

So here's that song I was talking about. Generally I like at least two songs from just about every band that ever existed no matter who they are. Except Rap you'll never convince me that has any redeeming qualities so don't bother, I've been saying it since the 90s, it's just noise. It hasn't "evolved" A rap artist that released a song today sounds just like the same ones I heard 20 years ago. Anyway, like I said I like this song. I tend to stay away from some bands though because I don't want to deal with the insufferable baggage they tend to come with. The Velvet Underground is definitely one of those bands. So listen to this, or don't I honestly do not care. Otherwise I'll see you Monday. Unless I see something to write about then I'll see you earlier who can tell I'm unpredictable.

An Emergency Saturday Favor Post.

Michael Moore was on Stephen Colbert's unfunny talk show to add to the hilarity because he has a new movie set to be released soon . I don't know when or what it's called because I'll almost certainly never see it but this is a different kind of post. It's not really political per se, or even really about Michael Moore. It just happens to come with Michael Moore because this statement reminded me I wanted and needed to write this. This is what he said

We Have to ‘Put Our Bodies on the Line’ to Stop Trump

No this post is about a favor I have to ask of you. A serious favor. I wasn't going to write anything at all today. I was going to post a You Tube video of a song I liked and go on with my day but I need to write this. First let me add something before I ask the favor.

Most people have a few close friends. Two or three maybe? They tend to think alike, like the same things, believe the same things...that's why they're your friends. A bubble if you will. That's pretty much the case with everyone no matter what your politics are, so everyone is guilty if you really want to think of it that way. The old saying "birds of a feather flock together" wasn't made up by some drunk guy. I'm financially pretty conservative but socially I'm a depraved, pretty much anything goes mad man so I tend to see things through that prism. But I've always prided myself on being a pretty social guy and having a lot of friends and talking to a lot of people of all persuasions no matter who they are, or what they believe, because people are people and if you're cool I really don't care what you believe and so here comes the favor I need...

This chorus seems to have gotten louder and more serious lately and Liberals have to cool it with all the civil war, and the resist talk. I'm begging - no warning - you. You don't know what you're doing and you don't realize what you're saying. It's fun to talk about with your friends and you get to relive your grandparents halcyon days of the 1960s but you have to stop. Consider me the guy that begs the outlaws to stop making fun of the gunslingers horse because you don't know what you're doing. If you want civil war I personally know people that will be more than happy to bring it to you. I know two people that have literal bunkers. One guy, on acreage in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin, and the other, a very, very heavily armed woman. For real honest to God prepper types.

This is not a joke.

Like the guy I know that sleeps with a .44 Magnum under his pillow. I don't know how he sleeps like that because the thing is a fucking cannon and it can punch a hole through an engine block. And he has more. Lots more.  Trust me, he's chomping at the bit just waiting for the chance to legally bring it to you. My friend the half crazy, ex-Marine machine gunner that served two tours of duty in Afghanistan? You think he's on "your" side? With the pussy hats and the "gender fluidity", and the five different all inclusive bathrooms?  He isn't, I promise.  I really don't hang around with them anymore but I know people that will kick in your front door, remove your head, and then go to dinner like nothing happened. If you think I'm kidding, I am not.  These are very scary, very dangerous people. They don't sit around at wine and cheese parties talking about the plight of the underprivileged or worry about immigrant children. These are things you only learn about people after knowing them for a while. I keep them mostly at arms length now but they're definitely out there walking the streets.

So this is my favor, I'm asking, no begging you to please cool it with all the civil war talk because it's only a matter of time before you get what you want, and there's another old saying. "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it."  The world isn't Twitter, none of this is real. Your Facebook group and your Twitter friends make it all sound great, and exciting and maybe it makes you feel like you're a part of something bigger, but there are no winners here. I'm your friend and I'm telling you, if you want a fight, they'll give it to you and it's a fight you can't - and won't - win.





I wrote this almost three years ago. I took it down at the time but I'm reposting it now

Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx Broke Up?

Tongues are wagging -- that's right I said tongues are wagging -- saying Katie Holmes (no relation to Sherlock) and Jamie Foxx split up. That picture is supposed to look like it's torn but I only have paint and I only tried for about one minute because I'm not getting paid for this you know. And I accidentally labeled the picture "Jammie" Foxx which I think he should change it too because it might help offset his greasy creepiness. Katie Holmes said "no they didn't break up" but I'm sure they did. What do you think, people sit around all day just trying to think up lies about these two idiots? That's not a job. "The Lets Make Up Lies About Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes Division of XYZ Company" isn't a place you can work. And the source article is still referring to her as "The Dawson's Creek actress". Uummm okay. From now on I want to people to refer to me as "The former high school senior" because that's when I was my coolest. I don't think the network that showed aired on is even still in existence but okay whatever you say. Good luck in your new single lives you two.

Kate Bosworth is a Thief

Kate Bosworth and her husband - whose name I didn't catch before I closed the tab - arrived in L.A. from somewhere. Again I'm not sure where they were because I closed the tab so I'll just assume that, judging by the way they're dressed, it was from Europe where they pulled of a diamond heist. Someone should look in that silver case he's wheeling around I bet it's full of diamonds. Or more likely, that's just his hair products. While you're at it ask him why he's wearing a winter cap in 90 degree temperatures.

Chelsea Handler Topless

Chelsea Handler posted what I guess is a topless photo of herself on her Instagram for some reason. So if you want to see Chelsea Handler mostly naked there you go. Although why you'd want to do that is anyone's guess but hey it's your life. Weirdo.

Rita Ora is so 80s

Rita Ora performed to 15,000 roaring fans in Dublin because it seems that people in Dublin are so starved for entertainment that a Rita Ora concert would make you scream with delight. It's difficult to believe that Rita Ora is from the UK, a country that gave us The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and The Sex Pistols. And whatever you may think of those acts they pretty much changed the musical world. And now this. No word yet on why she decided to dress like an 80s Valley Girl. Probably because she has shitty taste in clothes too.

Liam Gallagher Still Famous, Is Wolfman

I didn't know there was a full moon last night and neither did Liam Gallagher. A responsible lycanthrope would have spent the evening at home locked in his basement. I'm sorry I love the UK but I can't take a country seriously that still pays attention to the Gallagher brothers.