Friday, March 31, 2017
Here's Russell Crowe sunning himself like a sleepy hippopotamus in Woolloomooloo, Australia which is probably a totally made up place. I heard he's in a band. He's overweight and 52 years old so of course he is and I can tell you without even hearing them they play terrible music. It's probably all Motley Crue and Whitesnake covers, and there's always that one heavy set woman in the audience with terrible, frizzy, fake blonde hair and gigantic breasts in a v-neck t-shirt that'll get too drunk and try to sleep with everyone in the place. Which reminds me I might actually have something to do this weekend. Don't wait up!
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Kristin Cavallari posted a nude photo on her Instagram. Sorry it's of her husband, former Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. I bet you like looking at his ass though. There are a bunch of pictures of her if you want to click that link but I don't really know why you would, she's really just some woman that was on a TV show 11 years ago, and apparently she was in a movie called Spring Breakdown, which they probably should have called "Tax Write off For a Loss", but it stars unfunny internet darling Amy Poehler so you may as well forget anyone bad mouthing that total piece of crap.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
My wife says I can't name them Casa and Amigos. That's the one thing I'm not allowed to do,' he told the TV entertainment show.Casa and Amigos are the names of his tequila brand I guess, but I don't drink tequila because I'm not a disgusting 20 year old so I wouldn't know. And if he wants to name them something bad maybe he should try the names of his last two movies.
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Sunday, March 26, 2017
Joanna Krupa again. This time standing if front of a mirror in her underwear, and you know what? That's fine. I guess that's her job and you have to admit, she does it well. Plus she's attractive and 37 years old so you don't have to deal with all that messy, catty, and neurotic "woman in her 20's" nonsense. I'm sorry I really am at a loss for words because no matter what I read about her I can't figure out what it is she does besides this. You get that? She decided one day that her job was to walk around naked or mostly naked and take pictures of herself doing it and she did it. And nothing else. That's it. Don't you think that's amazing? You wanted to be a fireman, or an astronaut, or a cop, or something. People spend a decade becoming doctors who then go on to help poor kids in Central America born with cleft palates or curing diseases that have plagued mankind for centuries and she just one day said..."I'm going to be a naked blonde on Instagram". I don't even know if people pay her for this. If it is for free then god bless her.She really is doing the Lord's work.
Friday, March 24, 2017
this quickly skimmed article. But she's a dimwit so who knows. For all I know she actually meant everyone loves caramel corn but got all the words mixed up. Goop should hire some extra editors and keep a very close eye on her. I'm available by the way. I have quite the sweet tooth and I'd love to try caramel corn with you Gwyneth so give me a call.
Because here's a real one. I also figured she didn't buy that at the concert because she was four years old in 1988 and my guess is the only AC/DC song she's ever actually heard is "You Shook Me All Night Long". I'd mention to her that AC/DC stopped being good after Bon Scott died but I bet she wouldn't even know who that is.
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Sam Frost Steps Out With a Vampy New Look" I didn't read the story so I don't know which one is Sam. Is it the dude? Or the woman. If it's the guy someone should mention to him that people don't wear suits without ties anymore. Unless that's part of being "vampy". If it's the girl that doesn't look very "vampy" unless she's wearing fake fangs. Which is kind of cool actually. I guess these people are on something called the "radio" but I wouldn't know because I have an MP3 player and haven't listened to the radio in about five years so these two could know the whereabouts of Adolf Hitler's secret South American hideout and I'd never know it.
“I’m just tired of people not knowing what they’re getting, or like accusing me of trying to hide how fat I am. I want them to know, right up front, that this is me, and this is what you’re getting, and if you don’t like it then f--k off.”Okay I'm fucking off. If you're interested, there is a gallery at the link where they say she's "showing off her figure" because I guess a circle is a figure. And don't worry, I'm afraid you can't really hide how fat you are when you're that fat. I don't care at what angle you hold the camera. Maybe next time try holding it in outer space
sexy new hairdo" which pretty much just looks like hair to me because I'm a man and if I look at a woman's head and she has hair that pretty much seals the deal for me. I bet that hair style cost $3000 because celebrities and famous people are stupid beyond belief.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Monday, March 20, 2017
filed for a divorce from her husband, Bigfoot Space Alien from 1976, Stephen Belafonte. I didn't read much beyond the headline because really, who fucking cares. I can't believe after all of these years I'm still writing about all of these assholes.
Friday, March 17, 2017
Logan's Run". Here she is pictured opening a new store called New York & Co. at Miami's Dadeland Mall. I lived almost literally right around the corner from Dadeland Mall. Here's how I remember it. Yes that's Dadeland Mall. I'm sure it looks very different now although I haven't been there in years. Oh but I'm sure there are probably shoot outs there every day because Miami is a hellhole. I hope you make it out alive Eva.
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
award at the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards or something with her "band" and someone took her picture. Wow what a time to be alive. I'm sure she's a very nice person, or maybe she isn't who knows. The one thing I do know is she looks pretty much what I'd imagine one of those $7,000 sex dolls would look like if it magically came to life and suddenly started demanding you buy it "thoughtful" presents once in a while. No way supernaturally animated talking sex doll what do you think I am, crazy?
Friday, March 10, 2017
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Britney Spears' face. What is going on? It's like three shades darker than the rest of her body. And she looks...tired? Maybe she's using one of those face tanning machines. And is she hypnotized? Lobotomized? What? Don't worry Brit, I'm here for you. Let's take off that stuffy dress.
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
this Heather Locklear, Whatever. If she wants to take her new giant boobs to the beach that's fine with me. I was always partial to Heather Thomas anyway, who even today looks like America's Number One MILF pornstar unlike that other Heather who we will no longer mention starting now. Don't worry Heather, I'm over that other Heather.