Kate Beckinsale is Single Again

To absolutely no one's surprise, Kate Beckinsale ended her fake relationship with Pete Davidson and then went to the gym in four inch knee high boots. If you think I'm complaining you haven't read anything else here on this crappy blog. Has anyone checked on Pete yet or are they just going to wait until the neighbors complain of a bad smell.

New Jennifer Aniston Movie

Jennifer Aniston not withstanding, I actually laughed a couple of times. It may be the fact that Jennifer Aniston is in this that it affords itself that much extra goodwill but I'm no psychologist. Truth be told I really don't have anything against Adam Sandler plus he's been in like three or four movies (I think) with Jennifer Aniston. I may actually get Netflix long enough to see this. Then I'll cancel it of course. And Adam better keep his hands off I don't care how rich and famous he is or how many movies they make together. I'm keeping an eye you Sandler. If that is your real name.

Irina Shayk Does Important Work

Irina Shayk blahblahblah perfume in Paris blah blah selling more unnecessary garbage to slow witted, internet mouth breather types blahdy blahdy blah. Sometimes I really get sick of reading thinly-veiled-as-journalism press releases, looking at pictures of, and writing about these fucking moronic assholes, you really have no idea.

Adam Levine Sells His House

Joe Maroon put his mansion up for sale for a whopping $47.5 million dollars. I'm not sure why Adam Levine has a $50 million dollar house but there it is. I'd think a $50 million dollar house would be owned by someone with billions of dollars as opposed to some paltry run of the mill, millionaire but what do I know.  For all we know, this story could be completely false. Someone decides one day that "Maybe Adam Levine should be seen as some ultra rich celebrity so let's say he has a $50 million dollar house".  How would you know he doesn't? You don't. For all you know he lives in a bus down by the lake. This could also explain why people like Mike Tyson, and Evander Hollyfield blow through hundreds of millions of dollars while guys like me survive on $18 a week. Anyway I hope one of the 175 people on the entire planet that can afford a $50 million dollar house buy it some day. Good luck selling your pretend house Adam.

Jennifer Garner Looks Okay

Jennifer Garner is on the cover of People Magazine's "Most Beautiful People" issue and since she's 47 years old, my theory that women get better looking after 30 stands the test of time. In my opinion, she's better looking now in fact, than she ever has. Hey don't blame me for focusing on her looks, I didn't put her on that magazine cover. Besides, looking good is her business. It's what she does. It's all she does.  If you have a problem with good looking people leave me and Jennifer out of it.

Machine Gun Kelly Isn't Dead

Machine Gun Kelly dressed "punk" for his birthday celebration with Pete Davidson and not for Halloween like I originally thought. Someone gave him a Rolex for his birthday because only a 29 year old rapper would think a Rolex was classy. But what do I know, I didn't even know he was a rapper, in fact I thought he was dead. Machine Gun Kelly I mean. Or maybe not dead, but I thought he could have been that rapper that had to go to the hospital because he ate too many Flaming Hot Doritos. They sure don't make rappers like they used too. Quite frankly if you ask me, not enough of these guys get shot at anymore.

Miley Cyrus Watch

Miley Cyrus is back to acting like this. I'm not really sure what this accomplishes, maybe she's got a screw loose who knows.

!!!SEXY UPDATE!!! I'm posting this now anticipating that I'll write something new and shocking later but I make no promises. I'm a wild card.

Saved by the Bell Ages Well

There was a sort of informal 30th (!) Saved by the Bell reunion at a restaurant featuring a bunch of people I don't recognize. Oh sure I see Mario Lopez and Elizabeth Whatsername, and the brunette that had three names but that's it. Is the guy on the lower left Screech? I think I'd remember the very attractive blonde on the lower left next to the guy that looks like some kind of sexy idealized caveman or swashbuckling pirate from a romance novel cover but I don't. And so help me God I literally watched three hours of Saved by the Bell just yesterday morning. I didn't see any mention of their names and I'm sure the source material provided them but I'm tired and I'm not Sherlock Holmes if you want to know, go find out. Me and the blonde are going out for a few drinks I'll find out who all was there later.

Halle Berry has a Jean Jacket

Halle Berry has been on a social media posting onslaught and I'm okay with that. Maybe she does this kind of thing all the time I honestly don't know. Personally, I think her time would be better spent making actual movies but if she chooses to walk around half naked instead I'm not going to be the one that starts complaining. She posted this picture on her Instagram in case you couldn't figure that out. I covered up the slobbering comments left by unbelievably desperate men, like I usually do, with a screen shot of someone I don't know that has me blocked on Twitter for reasons known only to them and - I imagine - their mom. Well, whatever the reason I hope some of those guys in her comments go out and talk to an actual girl someday. Or, judging by their words maybe they shouldn't do that. Being locked up inside sounds like the best thing for them.

Kristin Cavallari is All Legs

Kristin Cavallari was in New York doing something, but as usual I closed the stupid tab before I found out why and now I can't find the original story. I actually remember her from something I just don't remember what. Some reality show I think. She looks good although I hate those shoes, which I'm sure are very expensive. You people really should ask me before you go spending a bunch of money on that tacky garbage.

Jennifer Lopez Looks Okay

I know I just wrote about Jennifer Lopez's abs but I felt like maybe I needed some kind of palette cleanser after that last, nightmarish story. I realize the original reason for this picture was the two dopes leaving comments under it. Diddy and Arod. Two middle aged men acting like high school seniors but hey it's cool I totally get it. I'm sure Miss Abs is all torn up over their little "deal" going on there.You also have to remember she's FIFTY years old. Just for reference, this is Frances Bavier at the age of 50 in the classic The Day the Earth Stood Still. The days of Alice the housekeeper are loooooong gone, thank God.

Sorry Kaila Methven

I've written about Kaila Methven before. But I've decided I won't be writing about her again. Even I have standards and I can't make fun of someone - even if it's good natured - that has some kind of "developmental issue" or some other severe emotional problem because it's not right. If you think I'm kidding I'm not. Somebody really needs to reign this in because this is cruel.

Halsey Does This

I wasn't going to write today and then I saw Halsey dressed like this and figured, "why not?" I'd stop writing about her if she stopped dressing like this, but her music is fucking awful so I have to imagine her getting her picture taken while she's wearing barely any clothes isn't going to stop any time soon.

Emily Ratajkowski is a Go Getter

Emily Ratajkowski walked around New York with a bright red $2700 purse highlighted against her black dress in what I'm sure was some kind of viral marketing campaign because only someone stupid enough to pay almost $3000 for a purse would fall for this kind of advertising. I only wrote this because Emily Ratajkowski is constantly, no I mean CONSTANTLY in the celebrity rags. Sometimes multiple times a day. And to this day I have zero idea why or what she does. I think she's a Victoria's Secret model? Honestly, I sometimes joke about not knowing who somebody is but I've usually at least heard their name, but not her. I never read any story about her far enough in to figure it out and I've decided I'm not going to learn so keep your knowledge to yourself.

Helen Flanagan Does Stuff

I blew this off for the whole weekend, I didn't even look at the celeb pages. That's what us people in the know call celebrity websites. But being inquisitive, I clicked on the first story to catch my eye and it was about Helen Flanagan in a bikini in Dubai. I thought Dubai was in the desert so I don't know where all that water came from. She was there with some guy with a man bun so I guess it's still 2014 in Dubai. There was no mention of what she does for a living, maybe shes a "presenter", because it seems like everyone in the UK is a "presenter".  I'd like to present her with a trophy for "Best Bikini".

Wendy Williams Still Bugging After all These Years

I still don't know what the fuck is up with Wendy Williams.  Maybe Iced-T or whatever his name is finally caught up with her. I'll be real honest, this sort of freaks me out a little.

Elle Macpherson Orders a Foot Long

 (These are mostly garbage posts I had hanging around but I didn't have to write today so that's a good thing)


 I can't unsee Elle Macpherson's foot. I'm sure she's very nice though. And rich. Very, very rich.

Jennifer Aniston Stands Around

Jennifer Aniston was at a "sneak peek" for her new show called "You'll Watch this Because it's on TV and You're Dumb".  I'm sure it's a good show. Her cast mates were there but who knows who the Hell they are and it really makes zero difference to me. God she's attractive. I LOVE YOU JEN.

What's Up With Camille Grammer

I had this picture of Camille Grammer saved on my desk top for almost a week now, maybe longer. Camille Grammer was married to Sideshow Bob and I guess that's why people write about her. I think this picture was taken at Denise Richard's wedding but that was months ago so I don't know why it was only just now published.  Maybe Camille Grammer married Doctor Creepy up there on the same day who knows but I know women are CrAZy about their weddings so I can't see that happening. You wouldn't want to upstage the bride. The original bride I mean. I don't even know if Camille Grammer is actually married to that guy and I'm sure as Hell not looking. I wouldn't think she'd get married and shut down the USS Kelsey Grammer Alimony Gravy Train but that's not really any of our business is it. Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed this Camille Grammer update as much as I enjoyed writing it

Halsey Likes to Pretend

Iconic African-American entertainer Halsey was in Tokyo spreading diversity in the otherwise racially homogeneous country where she posted a picture on her Instagram with the following caption...

 Udon even know how much I luv Tokyo

Later she went back to her hotel and ordered up a mess of rib tips and a Colt 45.

Halston Sage Parties

Halston Sage took her made up porno name to a party in Los Angeles where everyone compared her to Jennifer Lawrence. Probably because both of their emotionless robot faces are shipped from the same factory in Bulgaria.

Nicole Scherzinger Does Stuff

I wasn't going to write anything today since I had some stuff that wasn't really time sensitive hanging around in the draft section all ready to go, then I saw this picture of Nicole Scherzinger (r.) and I thought, why not? She's 40 years old so I love reading the comments on these pictures of her saying she "looks good for her age" that were most likely left by "bloated from drinking to much beer while standing around a fire pit" 20 year old college girls who's brains and nervous system won't fully develop for another 6-10 years.

I'm Sorry Jennifer Lopez

I poked a little harmless fun at Jennifer Lopez earlier and okay, maybe I was a bit hasty. I was just funnin' around Jennifer. Hey maybe we can get together, I'll buy you a drink and we can discuss your abs - I mean - your ads for your new movie.

Christian Combs has Legs

P Diddy, or whatever his name is now gave his son Christian a gold jet-ski for his birthday, when what he should have given him was a leg press for their home gym. What's with everybody and these Jet-skis?

Cardi B has Talent

Here's a picture of Cardi B I've seen floating around from her days as a dancer. Wow I bet there's almost $300 there. It looks like somebody's "Texas Wad" exploded. You know, a bunch of ones wrapped with a $20 bill. Whatever, she probably gave it all to her boyfriend so he could make the payment on his rims anyway.

Robin Thicke is Greasy

Robin Thicke was in Las Vegas to perform at The Cosmopolitan and also to try on tiny jackets.  He picked one with jeweled lapels and who could blame him.

Three Stabbings and a Funeral

Nipsey Hustle was apparently a 66 year old man

There was a stampede, a stabbing, and at least 19 people were injured at a memorial for murdered rapper Nipsey Hustle. I'm sure a lot of people are surprised to hear this but really, they shouldn't be if they'd been paying attention for the last 25 or 30 years.

One person was stabbed and another six people sustained injuries from unknown causes, Los Angeles Police Department public information officer Tony Im told USA TODAY. The number of injured may rise as reports come in, he added. A USA TODAY reporter witnessed one male stabbing victim lying on the ground, along with a woman who appeared to have been stabbed.

Okay, I'm done with this.

Jennifer Lopez Bursts Onto the Scene

Jennifer Lopez was filming a scene for another one of her shitty movies absolutely NO ONE will see in skin tight pants. That was the whole basis for this story when what they really should have talked about was how she has to bang herself against the edge of the counter top so she could get them off.

Anna Kournikova Stands on a Table. Is Ridiculous

It's an Instagram day I guess because this is tennis "star" Anna Kournikova who as far as I can tell was mostly known for being six foot two and blonde but I could be wrong and maybe that's the other tennis player who's name I forgot, but I know fuck-all about tennis. She had a baby 14 months ago and I guess she's standing on that table in a bikini and heels because she's happy? Because she's skinny again? Rich? I don't know. It seems silly that a middle aged woman (37) would be doing this instead of rolling around in piles of money with her babies in private. Frankly that doesn't look very safe. If you're going to stand on a tiny table that close to a high rise patio ledge at least take off the high heels Super Dave.

Nipsey Hustle Dead

Some rapper was shot somewhere, by some people, over some idiotic beef, from God knows when, over God knows what. Check back for more updates as they become available (they won't).