I was going to write my usual garbage place holder story kind of thing, because yet another 50-something lady showed up in a bathing suit named Elizabeth Hurley, and then I saw Heidi Klum's legs and was torn about which one I should write about and then I thought, why not both? I would include Molly Sims in this... orgy... of photographs but I'm only one man. Don't worry though, there's plenty of me to go around.
Heidi Klum was doing whatever she was doing on that table surrounded by friends because it was her loser husbands birthday, and Elizabeth Hurley was doing that because she's sad and lonely. Either way I can fix everything for either one, just give me the chance. For the love of God let me try. And don't think I've forgotten about Molly. It's hard to believe this is what women in their 50s look like now, you have no idea how happy this makes me. Okay so Heidi and Molly are 48 but let's not split hairs. Unless you think their looks will collapse like Kathy Griffins' did but let's worry about that in 18 months or so.
