Molly Sims has Her Cake and Wine Too

Molly Sims, something, something, Valentine's sale, something, lingerie. "Buy my crap!" . Whatever. I'm surprised that cake isn't a glass full of alcohol. Wino.

Tina? S Club 7? What? Who?

 Yeah, yeah I know I'm sorry. I just haven't felt like doing this. Then someone named "Tina" from a "singing group"? called "S Club 7"(???)  showed up dressed like that and saved the day. Apparently S Club 7 was a smash hit, famous... group. Of people. It's so weird to me that England can have these weirdly nostalgic stories - even though this one is kind of bad - and 99.98% of the world has never heard of these people. 

I guess they were big in the 90s, which is weird because I was alive in the 90s and still.... nothing. Hey whatever, give me a call "Tina" we'll discuss your last name whatever it is. Does that dress still fit. I doubt it does. Hey don't blame me, I'm not in charge of aging.

 

 

Iggy Azalea is Still Famous. Alive.

 I see Iggy Azalea is still famous. Kind of. Where'd she have that picture taken her dentist's office? That seems kind of weird but hey it's cool, maybe hes' a swinger like that one from Seinfeld

Oh NOW I Understand

NOW I see why that six year old blog post about SOMEbody being stupid was deleted by Blogger...

 

"This is true. I didn't know until I was 40 years old that the sun and the moon were not the same thing," Handler said to laughter from host Jimmy Fallon and the audience, before joking: "It was shocking to me as well."

 

These people walk among us. Amazingly. You gotta hand it to her, admitting this out loud - even for laughs - is remarkable. I don't know who you'd hire to get all the stupid shit you've ever said scrubbed from the internet and I bet that isn't cheap either. But it's pretty much too late. It's out there and it's a tightrope. You don't want to trigger a Streisand Effect, so you have to be super super careful. 

I want you to keep the fact that this person didn't know the Sun and the Moon were different things the next time you want to listen to their sociopolitical recommendations . 

Jesus. I really need to work on that new .com address. 

Kate Hudson Strips

 Kate Hudson worked out on her stripper pole. You're going to have to take my word for it that's her. Where is her husband during all this? Why isn't he having sex with her right now? That's what I'd be doing. You hear that Kate? 

Unpublished!

 Here's the story Blogger unpublished. It was originally published in October of 2017, so six years ago. That's why I didn't know what they were talking about. But they don't say what part of it is wrong so I can't fix it because I don't see anything inaccurate there.

What the Hell

 I can't update these posts because they didn't tell me which ones they are and there's almost 3100 of them  here. I really should get my own website thingie but that seems like a lot of work since nobody reads this, but I don't know. All these posts were fine for the last 10 years right up until this morning?

I already have the domain secured for a website somewhere, if I can remember where, but when I nabbed it I was so broke I thought I was going to be homeless and I couldn't even afford the $105 or whatever it was to put it up. On the other hand I wake up every morning and check this even if I don't write because I assume one day I'll look and it'll just be gone because I insulted the day's latest protected group.

Whatever I'll think it over.

Josh Duhamel is the King of Noggins

 I saved this picture of Josh Duhamel but I don't remember why. Probably because he has an enormous head. Like I do. So I guess I'm just like Josh Duhamel. Whoever he is.

I Love Julie Bowen

 Julie Bowen is in the news a lot suddenly. The celebrity rags I mean. I don't really know why none of it seems Earth shatteringly important, all I know is her publicist must be spending a fortune. Either way it's fine with me because I love her. You here that Julie? LOVE.

Selena Gomez Balloons

Selena Gomez was at The Golden Globes where she won the award for Gaining the Most Weight after she spent the summer chugging beer and eating Taco Bell at three in the morning. Hey whatever, if you want to walk around looking like you're on a steroid regimen it's still a free country.

And yes I realize Golden Globes were weeks ago but the thing is, I don't care about this anymore.

Jennifer Lopez Unfiltered (Not Really)

 Jennifer Lopez put on a bathing suit, had her picture taken, photo shopped the ever living shit out of it, and then posted it on Instagram. If you think, in 2023, that these pictures go from the camera straight to Instagram you are beyond help. 

No mention was made of what these pictures were for, at least none that I saw or care about I just needed something to post. 

Kanye West Remarries an Australian

 Kanye West married Bianca Censori over the weekend. She's from Australia. Or so they say. I've been alive on this planet for a while now and never once met anyone from Australia. How do we even know it's really there?  And how did he find someone supposedly from there to marry?  He definitely has a type I'll say that much for him. What can I tell you, some guys love a blank faced, boob transport chassis with a functioning brain stem, what are you going to do?   

Lisa Marie Presley Dead

 !!!!UPDATE!!!! I actually meant to post this yesterday and then the cable guy came over here and there were a million problems with that and all the usual life junk and I just forgot but don't worry, she's still dead. 

 Lisa Marie Presley died of a heart attack. She was 54. A lot of people - mostly lunatics - are saying she died from the vaccine but that's ignorant and irresponsible and most likely incorrect. I won't speculate why she died but it was probably drugs and alcohol.

Site Update

 I didn't have anything prepared for today so here's Jennifer Aniston.

Jennifer Lawrence is Stupid

 Jennifer Lawrence says she loves Pete Davidson, and Ariana Grande and wants to meet Jessica Simpson. Sort of the Super Trifecta for Dumbasses. You might think I'd be concerned she'd see all of this some day and have her feelings hurt but I'm now thoroughly convinced she probably can't even read so I'm really not all that worried about it.

Hi Helen Flanagan

 

Hey look at that! Helen Flanagan got a boob job! Celebrity rags have been reduced to telling us about the medical procedures random nobodies are getting now. Maybe a boob job will come in handy for her if she gets into a drunken fist fight outside a pub over a soccer game or whatever they do for fun in Ireland. 

Elizabeth Hurley is Magical

Elizabeth Hurley posted a video of her on vacation. Vacation from what I have no idea but you really gotta see this.   I mean seriously, go look. There really isn't too much more I can say. Except that she's 57 years old and you should feel bad about yourself.

Kristin Cavallari Has No Job

 

Kristin Cavallari did another "photo shoot". What all these "photo shoots" are for is anyone's guess because they never actually say. Is this a job? How do you get paid for having pictures taken of yourself? I just do not understand. Maybe she's independently wealthy. Here are some pictures of the house where she grew up.  That lake? Yeah, it's private. Barrington, Illinois is about 30 minutes from where I live, and a lot of Barrington, Illinois looks like Batman lives there, so it's likely she doesn't even have to work, if she ever did.  

 She appeared in four episodes of "The League" - 10 years ago, was married to a quarterback, three years ago, and made a "special appearance" on "The Hills" remake two years ago. Are big companies really clamoring for yet another kind of attractive blonde with a spotty work history and an Instagram account to be their spokes-model? How many of these empty vessels do we need?

My fall back position is always that I'm probably the one that's out of touch but the only time I ever see her get talked about is on The Daily Mail: Where Celebrities Go to Die. I don't know man, all I can really hope for is that I'll be dead soon and that will make everything all better.

Noah Schnapp is Super Gay

Stranger Things star Noah Schnapp came out as gay and for some reason was surprised to learn that people figured it out before hand and, apparently,  just didn't bother to say anything. 

If you're gay I need to tell you something, and it may be surprising. There's a pretty good chance we already know. They don't call it "gaydar" because it's fun to say. Even though it is kind of fun to say. This isn't rocket science, and except for a tiny minority, we (meaning straight people) don't care. At all.

They say if you think your significant other is cheating on you, that feeling in your stomach you get is probably right. The same thing goes for gay people. If you think they're gay, they probably are. Even my gay friend Joey told me that.  It's all evolutionary. Humans haven't walked the Earth for seven million years by accident. 

Anyway, go, be gay. You don't even have to tell anybody pretty much nobody cares.

Paulina Porizkova Can't be Stopped

 Paulina Porizkova is still on her "Look at Me I'm Old!" tour. This time topless! Kind of. Okay we all get it now, you're 57. For the love of Mike, dye your hair, put on some makeup and be done with it already. That's why they make that stuff. 

You're still hot so I don't get all this... whatever she's doing. I understood the first 17 times she talked about getting older but let's try to move forward. You're attractive and wealthy, let's all try to get some perspective.

French Montana Shoots his Mouth Off

 Ten people were shot while they were filming a video for "rapper" French Montana. Maybe they were upset about his pink jacket...

Ten people have reportedly been injured in a shooting outside a Miami Gardens restaurant where rappers French Montana and Rob49 were filming a video (ED: I already said all that).

Miami Police and Fire Rescue units responded to reports of a shooting at The Licking Restaurant just before 8pm on Thursday.

Ten people at once seems like a lot. Even for rappers. And 8pm? That's seems awfully early. Maybe they decided to be more efficient and get it all out of the way at one time instead of shooting people week, after week, after week. It's so hard to balance seemingly random shootings and robberies with taking your kids to school, and paying bills, running your dog to the vet and paying child support and all of that junk 

I hope everyone is okay and they don't all die or whatever but I'm not God so I don't get to make these decisions and frankly I really don't care one way or the other.

Leonardo DiCaprio. Again.

Here's Leonardo DiCaprio. Again. I didn't want to write about him... again, but he has his shirt off and I couldn't pass up the chance to say... Meh. I don't see what the big deal is. Like I said he seems cool enough I guess, but he looks pretty average. I mean, he isn't ripped or even in particularly good shape. Even by 50 year old standards. He looks like just another average guy. But I'm just a guy so maybe I'm missing something, what do I know.

Nikki Glaser is a Hit

 Nikki Glaser is the Twitter Boob AVI of comedy...

Nikki: "So I was giving this guy a blow job..."

[9 minute standing ovation]

Holly Ramsay is Cooking

 Gordon Ramsay has a daughter named Holly. Luckily she's British (I think) so while she's 23 years old she looks 33. Normally I would avoid talking about celebrity children but like I aid she's 23 not 13. Also she's the one posting pictures of herself 98% naked on Instagram, not me,  so what am I supposed to do? Just sit here like that's not happening?

Daniela Ruah is New (to Me)

 I just learned about the existence of Daniela Ruah so I don't have any real reason to write about her yet except to say that she's 5'8, weighs approximately 128 pounds, she was born in Boston and is a Sagittarius. She has a couple kids and is currently married but we can fix all of that. I stopped there so I wouldn't sound too creepy but don't worry, you'll learn more as I learn more.

Aubrey Plaza is Cute Again

I wasn't going to write about Aubrey Plaza ever again because of all of the unfortunate mask incidents but I feel I've grown. I have no hair color preference but I think she looks better as a brunette. I'd love her no matter what I'm just saying. Plus I think she's really cute and has a nice smile. 

Here she is taking her dog to the groomer. He looks like a cute old guy. Can you imagine sneaking around like an idiot taking someone's picture when they take their dog to the groomer? That's pretty pathetic. Still they get paid I guess unlike me who then uses said pictures to write this garbage that no one reads so who's the idiot now?

Brooke Shields Gets Wet

 Brooke Shields went to the beach and that's a really good picture. Much like Sofia Vergara before, I won't mention her age, but she's also older than you. Potentially by two decades, maybe even three or more, so this should make you feel even worse than before. She's six feet tall you know, which I learned quite literally 10 seconds ago. Suddenly all those fantasies I ever had about The Attack of the 50 Foot Woman sprung to life, which may seem a little weird to you but that's called weeding out the non-hackers. 

Leonardo DiCaprio is on a List

 I'm on the fence about Leonardo DiCaprio. He seems like a decent - if stupid - enough guy. Let's face it he's been famous basically since 1991 when he was in Critters 3 when he was 17 years old (and he's now almost 50) so it's not as if he's dedicated his life to higher learning. But is he still really the A-List star people say he is? The last movie I saw him in was Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood which, believe it or not is already almost four years old (released July 26. 2019). And since then...? 

Beside Once Upon a Time... I can't name three Leonardo DiCaprio movies besides Titanic and that was 1997. So I don't really know why he gets talked about so much. The women he dates? So what? If you're famous, tricking 22 year olds into bed is easier than that trick where you pretend your finger is coming apart.  

Of course it really always could just be me since the only time I pay attention to these people at all is when I write this... ridiculous... thing, so for all I know Audrey and Judy Landers just perfected cold fusion, and maybe he is still the mover and shaker everyone says he is.

But if I'm totally honesty, I prefer my own little world where these people don't exist at all. 

Sofia Vergara Rings in the New Year

 Sofia Vergara wants to start of 2023 by wearing a bunch of different bikinis and I want to start of 2023 by writing more about hot women in bikinis. It's so weird how our hobbies align like that isn't it Sofi? I won't mention her age but she's older than you and you should feel bad.

Everyone is Happy and Gay

 Watching these people is like walking past a slightly opened door and watching a high school glee club get into a slap fight after someone snuck a couple of their mom's wine coolers into a rehearsal. Honestly, if I didn't need to find something to write about that didn't involve women in bikinis I wouldn't even know these asshole's first names.