J.K. Rowling Has an Opinion

Some guy on Twitter got severely pwned by JK Rowling when he said Serena Williams looks like a man. "Yeah my husband looks just like this in a dress, You're an idiot." she said.

It's weird I wonder why she didn't use one of these pictures instead...

Just one of life's mysteries I guess.

Britney Spears is Walking Around

I've always thought Britney Spears was hot. Back when her and Jessica Simpson ruled the airwaves and Britney was dancing around with snakes...oof. Well anyway. Like I was saying I think she's attractive, unfortunately she's always making a face like she's at a party and a girl that's dressed like a slut just walked in with a guy she likes. I'm just not sure I can get past that Brit. But hey, go ahead and give me a call  next week and I'll see if I'm not busy.

Nicky Hilton Got Married

In a shocking turn of events Paris Hilton isn't dead. Also shocking was her scarecrow faced sister Nicky getting married to some billionaire named Rothschild which I'm pretty sure is a fake name from a TV show. I love the look on Paris' face. She's 35 years old, unmarried and nearing the time mother nature says "HOLD IT! NO BABIES FOR YOU!" Mother nature can be a real bitch like that. You can tell by how Paris looks like somebody just told her her dog died that even she has a biological clock and it's probably ticking like a goddamn hydrogen bomb by now while her younger sister is getting married to some guy I'm pretty sure she'll poison later and make the whole thing look like an overdose. You heard it here first folks Nicky Hilton is a murderer. Congratulations on your wedding Black Widow.

Barbara Bach Still Married to Ringo. Kind of Attractive

Somebody mentioned Ringo Starr to me this morning and because I despise The Beatles it immediately made me think of Ringo's wife Barbara Bach who will turn 69 years old on August 27th. There really is no other point to this story except to say the image on the right is the first image that comes up when you search "68 year old woman" in Google. I guess it's up to you to decide how you're going to spend your golden years. Are you going to be hot like Barbara Bach? Or are you going to be the lady everyone comes to when they need to be taught how to use an old timey spinning wheel.

Charlotte McKinney was Hacked

A "hacker" posted two topless photos of Charlotte McKinney on Instagram with the caption "I'm gonna be so damn hungover tomorrowww" which were then quickly removed. A reward was announced for the capture of the so called hacker and any other nude photos he or she may have of her. By me. Whatever it takes. My house? I have a car and some cash just let me know no problem or questions asked.

Ariana Grande Thinks You're Fat and Stupid

Ariana Grande was surprised to find out they make donuts in a donut shop. Here's the TMZ link if you're interested in reading about this there instead so go ahead who fucking needs you?

 Ariana Grande burned herself badly in that donut shop ... by bashing fat Americans, and now many people think that's why she's bailing on a huge concert event...

...an employee brought out a tray of oversized donuts, and Ariana blurted ... "What the fukk is that? I hate Americans. I hate America.

 Um, wasn't she IN a donut shop? What did she think they were making in there, Che Guevara t-shirts?  She was saying that to impress her head band wearing vato wannabe boyfriend. And anyway, you know what? They all say stuff that. She's a 22 year old moron. They think it's edgy and original and they all think they're the first ones to say stuff like that. What the fuck does she know?

As recently as 2011 she she was probably a high school junior that didn't have a single thought in her head beyond going to Forever XXI and Discovery Clothes "for that big party at Kevin's house his parents are totally out of town!". There are probably 10 million Airiana Grandes wandering around that think all Americans are fat, and stupid when in fact, she's the idiot that probably still thinks "like John Lennon is like the greatest songwriter ever" and posts George Carlin memes all over her Facebook page.

And hey if nothing else they can start planning the Ariana Grande/Carly Rae Jepsen tour now

Congratulations Alex Morgan

Women's soccer is a big thing now but I wouldn't know because unless you live in South America I thought people quit playing soccer when they were 11 years old, but people pretend to like it enough I guess so here we are and while I don't care for soccer I do like girls with athletic bodies in bikinis and so here's Alex Morgan walking around in one. I can only assume she's the captain of the team because why wouldn't she be and if she isn't maybe it's time for a promotion. How do you promote somebody to Captain on a soccer team? Give their family some goats or maybe a box of nails so they can fix their roof before the rainy season? I'll pitch in if she needs the help.