Ashley Roberts and the Polka Dots of Doom

Ashley Roberts is some soulless British reality show bimbo, I think. I honestly have no idea and I think I may have even written about her before, but I refuse to learn anything. Yes I actually have.  But okay we're going to have a problem because this whole polka dot thing seems to be happening. I realize those aren't actually dots but it's close enough. Are you people doing this on purpose?

Sean Penn is Unlikeable

Sean Penn said he knows he's a "difficult person to like", and went on to prove it by blaming everyone else.

There’ve been several times I’ve worked with directors who I felt might have found a different job description, and perhaps weren’t the storytellers that their initial meetings with each of us actors might have indicated

Sean Penn used to be considered by some to be part of the whole "intelligent Hollywood"(lol), back in the early 2000s when that was a minor "thing" happening. But I remember some essay he wrote, I think it was for Playboy(?), and someone that was mad at him released the unedited version of it and it looked like it was written by the sixth grader that had to wear a helmet to school. It wasn't written in crayon but it may as well have been. It was so bad I didn't believe it was even real. But trust me, that baby was real and it was hilarious.  I saw it only once or twice, and I've looked for this unedited version for literally years and I can't find it anywhere. Fast Times at Ridgemont High is a classic 80's Teen Movie but I can't remember seeing him in anything else because even the sight of him and his weird T-Rex arms enrages me. Anyway, fuck Sean Penn.

Say it Ain't so Joe

Hey everybody! Joe Giudice (he's some "Real Housewives" guy) has a new cooking show! And judging by the picture I'd also bet he has a new gigantic Harley Davidson with a windshield, a black Camaro with tinted windows, and at least two Five Finger Death Punch shirts.

Jean-Claude Van Damme is Done

Jean-Claude Van Damme's Faustian bargain for his career in Hollywood suddenly came due on Saturday and to everyone's horror, was immediately turned into a ventriloquist's dummy as his soul was transferred to Beelzebub right in front of  all the people that were in the parking lot. At least maybe now if he's in any new movies his face will be more expressive.

Bianca Gasoigne is Spotted at a BBQ

Bianca Gascoigne is apparently a model but then, every cute girl between the ages of 13 and 67 are models now so how much she's officially "a model" is anyone's guess. I'd never heard of her but that isn't saying much so don't depend on me to tell you how famous someone is. But she went to a barbecue at a friend's house, and I guess she's famous enough to make the celebrity rags for that. I'm not sure how the paparazzi knew which anonymous friend's house to stake out for - at best - this C-List "famous person" so she could have her picture taken, but I have an idea.  In my defense this was mostly about the polka dot dress more than anything else.  Please for the love that's all that's holy don't make polka dotted dresses a trend. I can't deal with that right now.


!!!!Pre-Posting Update!!!! Instead of calling them C-List and D-List etc., I'm just going to call them "T-List" as in Tits-List because if it wasn't for her tits, no one would know who she was.

Helen Flanagan Stands in a Closet

!!!ATTENTION EVERYONE EARTH SHATTERING NEWS!!! Helen Flanagan says she isn't going to"touch up" her Instagram selfies anymore! Maybe she finally got a personality. Why don't any of these people ever have any pictures on their walls? Maybe their featureless walls express their true empty soulless existence.

Kate Middleton is Daring

I wasn't going to write anything today because my neck is still a little sore and then I saw this picture of Kate Middleton looking like the kind of girl you could steal an 18-wheeler with and go on a 1970s style cross country crime spree. Can you imagine me and the Princess of Whatever on a cross country crime spree? I could. I wonder if she thinks about that kind of stuff I bet she does. Give me a call Kate