Amy Schumer is Mean

 Amy Schumer discussed aging somewhere and then someone else wrote about it after them. I'll link it here if you're interested. In general I don't like stand up comics, for some reason most of them rub me the wrong way, and Amy Schumer is at the bottom of my list of disliking comics. She's a notorious joke thief and a bunch of other things I'm not listing. But for some odd reason she seems to be enjoying some kind of weird renaissance.

She was in her 20s when the picture on the left was taken in 2012, and the picture on the right is her today, so make your own jokes, they'll probably be better than her's anyway. She was cute in 2012 wasn't she? But she very much has the face of a Mean Girl. I'm not smart enough to put my description into words but you know exactly what I'm talking about. Just looking at her you can tell she's super mean - behind their backs of course - to other girls that she perceives as being prettier/thinner/more popular than she is. I think that's called an "X-Factor". I'm having a very hard time figuring out how to end this so I'll just end it here.

Chelsea Handler is all Wet

 Chelsea Handler got drunk - I assume she's drunk -  and walked around in a bikini while noises fell out of her mouth which, naturally, she posted on TikTok. I don't know where she was when this happened but judging by her appearance she was at one of those bars on the Fox River where 60 year old firemen, retired cops, and other assorted fat guys ride to on their Harley Davidson Streetglides and hang out so they can... hit on drunk 50 year old women that are walking around in bikinis. And they all look exactly like her.  But that's the cycle of nature, all you can do is be glad they gather in that one place so you know where not to go during mating season (May thru September).

Sydney Sweeney Flies

 Here's Sydney Sweeney. Again. At yet another fashion week thing. This fashion week stuff feels like it's been going on for a year, and I have no idea what these people get out of going to these things. Free clothes? I honestly 100% do not understand.  If she isn't careful this is about the only time anyone is going to talk about her. And these things seem so weird and somehow out-dated to me. It's probably me since I'm very, very weird.

But I will add that she's freaking me out a little because she always looks different. I don't mean her clothes, I mean as a person. I didn't know that was her until I read the headline at the source. Maybe it's because she's 26 so she's still growing and changing. Who knows she could wake up tomorrow and be a large African-American man. I've heard that could happen these days

Joseph Baena has a Special Day

 Arnold Schwarzenegger's son, Joseph Baena (?) got a chance to go to the beach for his 26th birthday yesterday and that's good! He's helping! You gotta get them doing normal day to day activities around "average" people so they can live a rich full life. You're doing a great job Joey!

Joshua Jackson and Jodie Turmer Smith are People

Two people you have absolutely never heard of are getting divorced. Joshua Jackson and Jody Turner-Smith are their names and I just looked, they called him THE DAWSON'S CREEK star. That fucking show went off the air TWENTY YEARS ago. I had to Google it like I was deciphering hieroglyphics. Were you even alive 20 years ago? That's like calling me "The Christmas Elf" because I was in the fifth grade school Christmas play for 20 seconds

Either way, their lives as they know it are over, and he's probably going to have to sue for spousal support because evidentially, she's the only one that's been working for the last two decades. Godspeed, total strangers that I'll never see again for the rest of my life.

Sydney Sweeny is Fashionable

 Sydney Sweeny was at a Fashion Week show? Again? Does this thing ever fucking end? Is this thing like the Coachella of the clothing world? It just goes on and on with no real end in site until it just peters out after the last D-List celebrity goes home? 

I'm not saying Sydney Sweeny is D-List, and honestly I have no idea where she falls in the celebrity pecking order. She's a hot blonde with big tits that walks around in tiny dresses so I assume she's somewhere at the top for now. Let's check back in a couple of years and see how this plays out.

Eva Longoria Forgot her Fruit Hat

Eva Longoria dressed like Carmen Miranda for yet another fashion week thing. That dress is fucking horrible and I bet it costs more than the first 7 cars I owned combined. I can't write about these fashion shows anymore, seriously who the fuck cares.