Eva Longoria is The Lady in Red

 It looks like today is Women Over 50 Day. Honestly can you blame me? Eva Longoria was at the Buena Vista Social Club but I have a feeling that's a movie or TV show she likes as opposed to an actual club. She wasn't in a bikini this time though so that's too bad. They did describe what she was wearing - a red dress and red shoes - so I guess that's something. 

She has a nice effortless smile doesn't she? I LOVE YOU EVA

KYLE RICHARDS NUDE BIKINI PICS

Kyle Richards put on a bikini then took some pictures and for that I'm glad. Kyle Richards is 56 years old. Did 56 year olds look like this 30 years ago? What I mean is, if you saw a 56 year old woman in 1995 would she look like this? Or more like Aunt Bea, because I was alive in 1995 and I think I would remember if they did.

I was even more shocked that I've written about Kyle Richards before. A lot more, with one story going back seven years. And I have absolutely no idea who she is. I see that I did mention a certain brand of "movies" at one point but I only scan the shit I write. She was doing something at some restaurant so I don't know how the bikini got involved but I only ever just skim these even less than I do my own past stories because I know you don't care and I for sure don't care.  

I will say I'm sorry if I was ever critical of you Kyle. Did I ever tell you I like girls in hats? Because I do. Give me a call and we'll play some shuffle board

Helen Hunt Looks Weird

 Helen Hunt looks weird now. That's her on the right. I think. Why does she look like that? Maybe she's taking steroids I hope she doesn't get too huge. Muscular women are hot up to a point, after that, it just becomes a weird sexual fetish thing. 

To be fair Helen Hunt and her droopy eyes was always kind of weird looking to me, so I don't really see the big deal. By the way that's her boyfriend. I didn't catch his name but he strikes me as a William. They look like a couple of Boomer Liberals if you ask me and believe me, that's one thing we don't need more of in Chicago

Jenny McCarthy NUDE

***For once I can actually show you Jenny McCarthy nude. Just click here (caution she's nude). 

Jenny McCarthy went to the iHeart Music Awards for reasons not known to me. Maybe because she's married to Donnie Wahlberg, but I thought he was basically just an actor at this point. Donnie Wahlberg was in The New Kids on the Block literally 40 years ago. Saying he's a musician now is like calling me a stunt man because I jumped off the garage roof with a towel tied around my neck when I was 12. 

They said she "looked super skinny" because she's taking Ozempic and seriously who gives a fuck about Ozempic anymore. Aside from the ever growing list of very serious side effects, what she or anyone else does to lose weight is their business. Quit being everyone's fucking nanny. Jenny McCarthy is 52 years old she's an adult.

I'm not defending her. I used to think Jenny McCarthy was cool, then I didn't, and now she seems kind of cool again. Cool as in okay, not cool as in cool. But she's from the Chicago area so she has a huge leg up on you people as far as coolness goes. Believe that

RITA ORA NUDE

 I've been writing about Rita Ora for years now and to this day I have absolutely no idea what she does. But she seems to like walking around mostly naked so here she is. Walking around mostly naked. I wouldn't recognize Rita Ora if she personally delivered a 24 karat pizza to my house but you people seem to like her. 

I think she's Australian and as far as I'm concerned only three things worth a damn have come out of Australia. AC/DC, Mad Max, and Olivia Newton-John. Otherwise they can keep they're freak ass giant shrimp and crocodiles and go straight to Hell

Kylie Jenner Red Sexbot NUDE

Kylie Jenner went somewhere this weekend dressed like a latex fetish model from the 1990s. I don't know where or why and I don't believe for a second that anybody outside of the UK actually gives a shit.

 I wish I didn't think she was so disgusting because she's hot as fuck. On the other hand, I'm way past the age where a woman being hot as fuck is the only thing I care about. I've had super hot girlfriends and when that's the only thing they are, that shit gets old way faster than you'd imagine. Take my word for it ladies, your tits become less fascinating after about two weeks. Three, tops.

Selena Gomez Sees Red

 Selena Gomez put on some black nylons to promote her fiance Benny Blanco's new single. I assume they mean music single and not single breakfast sandwich or something because who in the fuck is Benny Blanco. 

I hate to break this to Selena Gomez but I don't think of her as a "sultry siren", and I say that not because I'm important, but because I'm a fairly average man. You can ask me anything and my opinion will pretty much be what the majority of average every day dudes think. 

She seems very nice, and sweet and just doesn't give off that kind of vibe. At least not to me. Of course I know those are the types that really get nuts. I once dated a girl like that and underneath all that shy, unworldy innocence she was a fucking goddamn pervert. And if you think I'm saying that as a complaint you are totally wrong and haven't been reading this blog at all.