Demi Lovato Does This

Oh...um...Hi Demi Lovato. It's November 4th so I'm not sure what this is for. I assume not Halloween? Does it matter? No. No it doesn't. That big bed looks awful lonely baby. Maybe try one of those giant pillows that make it seem like you're in bed with another person. My friend said he loves his. I put Jennifer Aniston's face on it. WAIT! I mean HE did. The guy is a total frigin weirdo.

Jennifer Lawrence is Dating Again

America's Sweetheart, Jennifer Lawrence, or is that Sandra Bullock? No I think it's Jennifer's turn this year, is dating Darren Aronofsky. Why? I have no idea. It can't be because he's rich, I mean, SHE'S rich. So your guess is as good as mine.

 The couple's romance allegedly blossomed over the summer on the set of an untitled movie shot by the father-of-one. They were first seen enjoying an intimate dinner in August

 Whatever. I'm sick of trying to decipher all the goings on in the female mind. I'm older than Jennifer Lawrence, why won't she date me ? By the looks of that picture I'd say I'm probably much, much to handsome for her. That Darren guy looks like he got stuffed into a lot of lockers. Probably as recently as last week.

Me Wear Suit. Grab Pretty Girl.

Jenna Dewan attended the Fulfillment Fund Stars Gala in Los Angeles, with her husband, noted scientist, and narrow eyed hunchback Channing Tatum. I have a feeling con-men thrive in Los Angeles by making up fake fundraisers so dimwitted celebrities can show up and hand over all of their money. "Fulfillment Fund Stars Gala"? I mean c'mon man, that doesn't even sound real.  And I always thought Channing Nedham probably talked like Tarzan when he wasn't repeating a script. "Me have chicken and banana" he tells the exasperated waitress while stabbing at the menu with his thumb. Meanwhile Jenna is trapped in the stairwell when she tried to find the bathroom to make sure her make up still made her look like she wasn't so dead behind the eyes. Yes, Hollywood sounds like a magical Wonderland.

Jennifer Aniston is on a Couch

Here's Jennifer Aniston in glasses at something called the Office Christmas Party panel at EW PopFest on Sunday. And that last sentence may as well have contained the chemical breakdown of Uranium 235 for all the sense it made to me. And by the way, I've also decided to turn this into a Jennifer Aniston tribute page. Here she is wearing glasses. Here's Jen mowing her lawn. Here's Jennifer walking her dog. Here's what Jennifer Aniston looks like through binoculars behind those new blinds she got on her windows. You know, things like that.

Johnny Depp what?

 The actor is set to star in the sequel to the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them franchise, along with making a reported cameo in the first film. As the news broke Tuesday night, fans had a lot to say about Depp's involvement in the wizarding world.

Normally I try to put all block quotes in the middle of these posts so you have to read what I write first to get to them, and by that time BAM! It's too late and you have to read it all the way through. It's like mind control. I AM CONTROLLING YOUR MIND.  But I did that one first so somebody could explain to me what any of that means. What is Fantastic Beasts? Why do people get upset over every little thing they do with these comic book movies? I can only assume it's a comic book movie because that's all anyone seems to make anymore. This is what that blurb looked like to me when I read it. Blurb haha...

Johnny Depp is going to star in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them which is great news for anyone that knows what the fuck The Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is.

SEXY UPDATE!

Like any good investigative journalist I actually read some of the story and it turns out Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them has something to do with Harry Potter which I wasn't aware of because I'm not 11 years old and I also know girls. Have fun arguing about this you sorry bunch of virgins.

Gwyneth Paltrow is in Command

Gwyneth Paltrow was also at the same Gucci film festival as Zoe Saldana but Gwyneth went dressed as  23rd Century space commander Lord Xeris. Why is she there alone? You'd think an attractive powerful Commandant Space Leader like her could get her own French vampire boyfriend. It's lonely at the top I guess. Do you think those shoulder brushes are separate? Or are they sewn onto the uniform. All she needs is a Nazi officer's hat and she instantly becomes a fetish model. Which, by the way, would be fine with me. Call me back Gwyn.

Johnny Rotten Has Holidays in the Sun. And a Volvo.

Johnny Rotten looks like a gay art gallery salesman now.  A snotty, gay art gallery salesman. As if there's another kind. It seems so odd that he owns a Volvo.