Jessica Biel is Out

Jessica Biel went on a "date night" with her "husband", Justin Timberlake (no known photographs available). He at least seems like a decent enough guy for some reason, and not at all like some of the troglodytes these nit wits seem destined to get hooked up with. His music is awful beyond description but that's fine I don't have to listen to it.

I like her shoes. They're very 70s Disco, and that's just fine with me. Plus I just think she's so hot.  Whatever you think of her shoes, they're a lot better than some of the shoes these women think look good. Have you even read this blog? Just look at Britney Spears or Billie Eilish on any given day.

Gemma Collins has "Curves"

 

I thought about writing about Gemma Collins (I think that's her name) as I'm pretty sure I've written about her before for some reason, but I decided against it this time. Who knows, maybe she has a disease or some kind of mental problem we don't know about and it just didn't feel like I should

Kylie Jenner is a Moron

 Kylie Jenner went shopping. I don't know why she's still wearing a mask in late August of 2023 but you simple minded assholes need acceptance from everyone so you think doing something like this will make other people like you more or whatever. It's sort of like a rallying cry for morons. Plus your Mussolini-like authoritarian impulses can't be controlled without very expensive prescription drugs or a lobotomy so you just keep doing shit like this

It's also possible she's had some kind of plastic surgery that damaged the lower half of her face but she can easily afford good plastic surgeons so she doesn't have to drive down to Mexico to see some half baked alcoholic doctor to get this shit done, unlike you pathetic losers so it's more likely the first thing.

Arabella Chi is Someone

 Leonardo DiCaprio's newest girlfriend (?), Arabella Chi (?) went to Ibiza so she could go in the water without messing up her hair or makeup. British people go two places. Greece, and Ibiza. That's it. And then they talk about how well traveled they are. They go to two tourist spots where everyone is white and speaks English, and pretend like they rescued the Crystal Skull or something.

You rode first class in a giant boat across a channel? Wow, you're just like the guy that went to the North Pole. Whatever, anyway... remember her name - Arabella Chi - because she's going places. Like probably home after Leo moves on to the next slow witted teenaged model.

Gwyneth Paltrow Goes Green

"Gwyneth Paltrow, 50, and her daughter Apple 19..." 

Two things. When I was a kid my grandmother told me two things. They were "Don't ask people how they voted or how old they are".  I didn't understand why and she simply said it's nobody's business. So while I was a kid I just assumed all adults were the same age. Meaning, if someone was over say... 35? Unless they were really super old they were the same as everyone else. Does that make sense? It was pretty common advice from the WWII Generation. I don't know when that got turned on it's head but it has. Why do you care that Gwyneth Paltrow is 50? Is it because she looks better than you at 30? That's my guess.

Secondly I don't know how anyone turns a picture of two women in green boots into a 1000 word blog post like they did at the original source and believe me, I just tried and I can't figure out how

!!!SEXY UPDATE!!!

I just remembered my grandmother also told me never to ask someone how much money they make. Just thought I'd throw that in there. I'm trying to help you people learn

Sienna Miller IS NOT Fat

I panicked when I saw this picture because the original story was talking about how "beautiful", "brave," and "curvy" Sienna Miller was at the beach in her bikini and I thought she was spending her evenings chasing 12 packs of Milwaukee's Best with UberEats delivered beef sandwiches but it turns out she's just pregnant and not at all a bloated, disgusting booze hag, thank fuck. 

See? This is what happens when you start changing the definition of words. And while I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky person, now I'm wondering why all those guys keep calling me gay.

Britney Spears Splits

 Britney Spears is finally getting divorced. Sam "Greasball" Asghari actually filed the paperwork. No real reason has been given that I've seen, but by the looks of that guy I'm sure he's pissed she didn't help his modeling "career" or more likely didn't buy him a Lamborghini; "The Automobile for the Discerning Italian". 

Sorry I really don't know any more about this except to say if Britney needs a stable influence, a guy that doesn't care about money or fame, I'm always available. I just want a 9,000 pound two post car lift and a garage tall enough to put it in. That's all I need. 

Thanks @MomOnFire for the tip