Sophia Bush is Gay Now Too

Sophia Bush says she's gay now too. Off hand, I'd say I don't think I've ever seen Sophia Bush before this story even though for some reason her name sounds vaguely familiar, what I can tell you is she's probably being honest because she looks super gay. The header picture alone sets off my Gaydar like a entire formation of Russian tactical bombers just violated Alaskan airspace. So she probably isn't lying for clout like I get the idea some many of these people do. She said...

'I didn't expect to find love in this support system,' began the star who noted that her bond with Harris was rare and beautiful. 'I don't know how else to say it other than: I didn't see it until I saw it.'

She was married to  a dude so this is the classic "late in life lesbian".  I thought I wrote about some other actress suddenly becoming gay. I was going to link it but maybe I didn't. I looked for a whole five minutes. The things I do for you people. Oh wait here it is. Sorry I wrote that two days ago. I don't know how you expect me to remember every thing I do

Barbra Streisand Goes to War With Melissa McCarthy

 Barbra Streisand said something mean to Melissa McCarthy about her weight because in case you hadn't noticed, Melissa McCarthy is fat. She's also unfunny and annoying and was in legitimately one of the worst movies I've ever seen called The Heat.  And it pains me to say that because Sandra Bullock is in it too, and Sandra Bullock in Demolition Man in stretch pants changed my life. I wouldn't grab low hanging fruit about someone's weight myself, but Melissa doesn't grab fruit - low or otherwise -  either apparently. 

And I'm not usually one to defend Barbra Streisand but she is 82 years old, and like my own mother I will say I've noticed that Boomer types will post stuff on social media as if they're really talking to you. That was probably a genuine question from her to Melissa. They know very little if any social media etiquette. For instance you or I would have sent Melissa a private message asking that question (if we wanted to know and felt comfortable enough to ask) but an 82 year old just blurts it out in the replies for everyone too see because they don't really know or understand how that stuff works or that potentially millions of people will also see it. 

So take my explanation for what it's worth I'm done with this. I've spent way to much time writing about people I don't like that aren't even hot.

Amanda Holden is Haunting

Amanda Holden and The Bogeyman got awards this past weekend just like Nicole Kidman. Amanda should probably go back to only being photographed in lighting that's more favorable to her or at least hand these off to her photo shop team before publication, because that doesn't even look like the same person I've written about so many times before. 

The person on the right is named Abbey Clancy and she apparently crawled out of the Mummy's tomb after someone rubbed a haunted scarab the wrong way. 

Seriously, a professional photographer allowed these pictures to happen? Who did they hire my brother's wedding photographer? I would have been on the phone to my lawyer before they even got these things emailed back to the office for publication.

Nicole Kidman is Attractive

 Nicole Kidman won the AFI lifetime achievement award on Saturday night for being thin, 5'11,  blonde, and attractive. It was presented to her by Meryl Streep who is none of those things so it must've been very painful for her. Man I never knew she was 5'11.

 I also didn't know Nicole was still married to Keith Urban. She towers over the guy and he's wearing platform boots what a serious jerk that guy is.  Still I guess you don't get to pick who your future wife is currently married too. I mean seriously, how could you stand being married to a 56 year old guy that still dresses like this. Okay I admit that's pretty cool, but still the guy is practically a midget Nicole get real. I'm 6'2 so you can even wear heels when we go places.

Mason Mount and Freya Tidy are Amazing

 Some guy named Mason Mount (yeah sure) Has a girlfriend named Freya Tidy and oh my god who fucking cares. He's a 25 year old soccer player and she's 21. Huzzah! I only wrote this because the source story described her as a "former McDonald's worker turned model". 

She worked at McDonald's when she was 16.When I was 14 or maybe 15 I worked at Baskin-Robbins 31 Flavors.  It was my first job. So it's nice to know if I manage to somehow change the world they'll describe me as the former ice cream parlor worker. Also she's called a model because she posts pictures of herself wearing bikinis on Instagram, and that's all she posts. Pictures of herself. Dead eyed pictures of her staring off into the middle distance without a single thought in her head other than what she'll wear next.  I scrolled her account for as long as I could stand it and it appears she has no interests outside of herself. Which is fine, you go girl.

Maybe she's really very nice, or maybe her dad is a billionaire and she's in charge of a foundation she started with his money rescuing abandoned animals and protecting baby birds. Or maybe I make shit up on my head to try to make these vapid, soulless people easier for me to stomach so I can continue this asinine hobby.

Billie Eilish is Gay. Now.

Hey everyone Billie Eilish is suddenly gay now. What a shocking development. I've never heard even the remotest mention about her sexuality until just this minute. What a coincidence this all is. If a fad started where people began describing themselves as Mr. Snuffleupagus, tomorrow afternoon half of you people would show up to school or work wearing a purple elephant trunk on your face. Don't any of you ever have even a single independent, original thought? 

Well... it's starting to look like I need to take another week off from this

Naomi Watts Works It

 Naomi Watts went to the gym and then talked about her workout routine and then her skincare routine and oh my god who the fuck cares. I do however, want you to realize that Naomi Watts is 55 years old. I just want you to remember that when I tell you this is what a 55 year old looked like in 1980.  As far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with either one, but I'm super weird and it's mostly a style thing anyway.  But let's face it Naomi Watts is smokin', and she easily competes with ant 28 year old reading this. Plus she isn't 28 years old so that's even better.

She is Australian though and it's a bit of a problem for me. More on that some other time

There was one other gym picture but they both include her "trainer" and he looked like he was in worse shape than me so I think he has a lot of nerve calling himself a trainer and I'm not having some doughy guy stinking up my blog. So in conclusion I'll send you guys an invitation for when me and Naomi get married.