Amanda Holden Does This

Amanda Holden said some mean things about some guy on her Instagram. I guess because he blocked her from getting a job? I don't know. Listen,  I'll be honest.  Amanda Holden could say "Hitler had some good ideas" and frankly I'd probably be okay with that

Amanda Holden is 50

Amanda Holden did this for her 50th birthday, although what would compel you to do this for a birthday I have no idea. But if Amanda Holden keeps taking off her clothes, I'll keep writing about her, so mission accomplished. Even after all these stories I have no idea who she is. Some MILF lady that takes her clothes off that's about all I know. Frankly that's all I need to know..

Amanda Holden Likes Polka Dots

Here's Amanda Holden walking around in polka dots. I have no idea why you people insist on doing this too me.  I don't even really know who Amanda Holden is except that she's 49, from the UK, and has a small birthmark at the top of her leg. Sorry I can't provide proof of that, not since she bought those blinds.

Amanda Holden Works on Cars

Amanda Holden put on some really short shorts, high heels, and every Instagram filter know to mankind  for some pictures she could post all over the place. Look I'm sorry, I know I keep writing about her but Great Britain has basically three famous people that live there.  Amanda Holden, Nicole Scherzinger, and Ricky Gervais. And they all get written about virtually every day to the exclusion of everything else on what's basically the biggest celebrity site on the internet. So it's either them, or the American counter-part that writes almost exclusively about the Kardashians. I can only do so much with this nonsense, and I'm afraid my hands are tied.

Amanda Holden Wears the Pants

 Amanda Holden was outside walking. How exciting. But I mainly wrote his because the other day I joked about "bell bottoms" coming back, and look at that. They called these "wide legged" but we all know. Plus I need to point out that Amanda Holden is basically a porno MILF and high waisted pants look terrible even on her, so just imagine how bad they look on you..

Amanda Holden is Free

 I haven't written about Amanda Holden in a while but she turned up on a beach somewhere in a red bikini and the rules are I have to say something. They weren't specific where she was exactly, but I assume somewhere in or around England because that's where she lives. I'm guessing, maybe France? Enjoying that sandy beach that was soaked with American soldier's blood so you can walk around free? Alright, never mind, let's not get started. I'm getting mad and I don't want this to devolve into some kind of insanity so let's all just enjoy Amanda's bikini shall we? It's obviously what she would have wanted. She's 50 years old you know. I still think it's borderline miraculous but hey, I'll take it.   

Amanda Holden vs Andrew Tate

 Amanda Holden put on a bikini and aviator sunglasses (two of my favorite things on girls) and said some stuff about Andrew Tate. I'm going to quote what Andrew Tate said from the story, just so at least you know what's going on...

Replying to Amanda's tweet featuring her snap, (ED: her in a bikini.) Tate, 36, who is currently under house arrest in Bucharest over sex trafficking charges wrote: 'You are a wife and a mother and you're far past a teenager. There is no need for this post.'

 She then went on to say she didn't respond to him for various reasons, which, I'll be honest I didn't read, but what does it matter. Why do you care about this ridiculous minutiae. I have to be totally honest with you. I've obviously heard the name "Andrew Tate" but I have no idea who he is, or what he does, or why anyone asks him anything. I even kind of know what he looks like. All of which I've learned by accident but that's as far as it ever went. 

So far what I learned about him today is, he doesn't like hot girls in bikinis. Which seems a little weird but hey we all have to find our own path in this world.

Amanda Holden is Haunting

Amanda Holden and The Bogeyman got awards this past weekend just like Nicole Kidman. Amanda should probably go back to only being photographed in lighting that's more favorable to her or at least hand these off to her photo shop team before publication, because that doesn't even look like the same person I've written about so many times before. 

The person on the right is named Abbey Clancy and she apparently crawled out of the Mummy's tomb after someone rubbed a haunted scarab the wrong way. 

Seriously, a professional photographer allowed these pictures to happen? Who did they hire my brother's wedding photographer? I would have been on the phone to my lawyer before they even got these things emailed back to the office for publication.

Amanda Holden is Boring

I haven't written about Amanda Holden in a while. mostly because she's super boring, and nobody outside of Britain except for me knows who she is. It was her 53rd birthday so to celebrate she went to the beach and walked in ankle deep water so she wouldn't get wet and mess up her hair and make up. She looks good in red. I guess. I can't figure out anything else to say about her. 

I think single women - and men - are about to find out that normal people don't want to hang around with people that do nothing but post pictures of themselves on the internet

Amanda Holden Goes Boating Nude

 I know I already wrote about one British nitwit in a bathing suit, but Amanda Holden is different. Why? Because I said so that's why. I don't think she's married or has a boyfriend or anything because it's never mentioned and I can see that at age 50 that might be an issue. Are you 50 years old? Do you look like that? Did you look like that when you were 24? So you see what I'm getting at? 

 As a man I can tell you she could walk into almost any establishment, point at a single guy and say I want that one and that would be enough. The fact that they don't hang around somebody that looks like a picture of a girl teenage me drew speaks volumes. As a man with some experience in this area you have to trust me on this. If a woman of any age looks like that, and has no boyfriends, no husband, no girlfriends, there's a problem you don't want any part of. I am willing to try though. Just this once. Again.

Ashley Roberts Does This

Ashley Roberts - I think she's in the Pussycat Dolls - posted a picture on her Instagram (left). I suppose probably because she's stuck inside and can't go to any kind of bar or nightclub and get shit faced wasted, and wind up in a gutter at 3 am. There was another picture included with this magical update that included her and Amanda Holden in the iHeart Radio studio? I think? I've mentioned Amanda Holden before. here, and here.  And believe it or not it's the second picture in this series that caught my attention. And I wrote this mostly to say that, if I saw these two women out anywhere, I would avoid them like they were covered in poison tipped razor blades. If you don't know why, you're 24 years old or younger. It's sort of an instinct you develop over time, you're just going to have to trust me on this. I'm here to help you, let my experience be your guide. Just imagine me as a good looking Yoda.

Amanda Holden is Pathetic

 Amanda Holden did this in her garage. I think it actually had something to do with that vacuum cleaner you see in the corner there, I can't imagine any other reason for doing this.  I'm sorry this all seems terribly pathetic to me. There are never any friends or guys or pets or anything  in these pictures . She's supernaturally attractive, and seems kind of smart and funny,  so you know she must be a horrible mental basket case that no one wants to be around. Women would rather dress like a 1980s hooker and post pictures of it on Instagram than go to therapy. 

Amanda Holden is on a Beach

I know I haven't written anything lately and I'm sorry. Work gets in the way, there's nothing to write about and I don't want to force it, getting a nearly lethal cold and generally having a life can all interrupt the exciting life of a blogger. Especially one that's as grossly underpaid as me. And I'm not getting paid at all, so you can see the problem. And then one day out of the blue Amanda Holden shows up in the Maldives. She's famous in Britain (so not famous at all) and I'm not exactly sure for what reason, because what possible reason could there be, but who cares. She's famous in my heart and really that's the important thing. I'm sure she was probably there with her ridiculous husband and stupid kids (not pictured) but her having kids and an ex some day wouldn't bother me at all. I mean they'd be on the opposite side of the world from us as her and I start a new master race of beautiful people.

Amanda Holden Put on Her Mad Bikini

 Famous nobody Amanda Holden is mad at her country (The UK) about Covid or something. I actually added a link this time so you could read it for yourself because I'm tired of this. She put on her "I'm Mad Bikini" so you know she's serious. You know, you can be mad about stuff and not tell everyone. That's always an option. It used to be you would complain to your bartender or the lady that does your nails. Now *I* have to hear it every day, and believe me, I'm not interested. I'm fucking exhausted with you people and how you're constantly OUTRAGED by everything. Please, shut the fuck up for a couple of days. Or maybe forever. But I'll settle for a couple of days, it's better than nothing.

Amanda Holden is an Angel

I haven't written about Amanda Holden in a while so here she is, all dressed up for some TV show she's on in Britain that absolutely nobody will see outside that country. You have no idea how sick I am of writing about these D-List bimbos. That's right I said bimbo.

The Foucs is on Amanda

 Here's Amanda Holden yet again. I know I probably said I wasn't going to write about her anymore but something about this picture really caught my eye. I just can't figure out what. What in the world could it be, just one of those things I guess.

Amanda Yadda Yadda Yadda

 Amanda Holden, yakety yakety... hot tub blahdy blah... bikini humpa humpa. I have no idea what the point is of these things they post. How can someone this attractive and wealthy be so boring. If I had all this spare time to get dolled up and post this nonsense instead of, you know, actually working, I'd walk over to the animal shelter and volunteer to walk a dog or maybe hose out a couple of cages or something for an hour to help out.  Is this how empty and devoid of meaning your life is? Don't you people know any girls? Is this what you use the internet for? Looking at endless pictures of the same three people in bikinis, and their underwear? It's unbelievable.