Friday, May 29, 2020

Toni Braxton is Miraculous

Toni Braxton posted what they called a "bikini selfie" even though that's clearly underwear. Imagine not being able to tell the difference between a bikini and underwear. It doesn't matter to me, she could be covering herself with napkins from Burger King for all I care, good lord. The writer at the source then when on to describe the picture in painful detail...
 She highlighted her athletic figure and looked as if she were about to take off the black top, which was unstrapped and loosely held up with her hands.
Okay Hemingway, good job. I bet that person went to college for four years - and probably even five -  to learn to write like that. Can you imagine having to write garbage like that? I guess I would if they were paying me enough, like say $70,000 a year, I think I'd do it for that. With raises at monthly intervals. But I'd hate to replace the current chimpanzee they have pounding the keyboard for them. What would he do then?  How would he pay for his bananas?  I haven't really though much about Toni Braxton in a really long time, in fact I forgot she was even a person on Earth and I didn't even recognize her.  But I'll think of her now, I can tell you that. How can she be 52? How do people look this good into their 50's and beyond? It's almost magical. Have you ever seen pictures of 52 year olds from the 1970s or even the 1980s? For reference, here's Rue McClanahan at the height of the television series "Golden Girls". She was 55 at that time. 

 I think Toni kind of looks kind of like a sexy spy. Like a double agent that would seduce you and then kill you. She wouldn't have to kill me though. I bet I could make her change her murderous ways, if only she'd just give me the chance. Give me a call Toni we can make it work.