Emma Hernan's Skeleton is Sub-Par

 Someone put a bikini on Selling Sunset "star" Emma Hernan's skeleton. I don't know why they'd do that but I think kids today are still eating soap, so who knows what's going through their minds at any given moment. 

I've heard the phrase "Selling Sunset" before, But I'm not sure if it's a US or UK thing. Probably the UK since they seem way, way dumber over there. It could be a show about young, skeletal hookers being sold to aging boomers in retirement communities? It's as good a theory as any I've heard so far

 

Having Sex with Sabrina Carpenter

 Sabrina Carpenter reveals her number one sex tip. I haven't read the story yet, and honestly I probably never will, but I bet her number one tip is; have sex with Sabrina Carpenter. I don't know who she is but if she wants to test to see if this theory holds up I'm willing to try.

!!BREAKING JENNIFER ANISTON/SANDRA BULLOCK NEWS!!

 Two multi-multi- millionaire women in their late 50s were seen leaving a plastic surgeon's office. Why? No one has said. Who cares? Nobody. Honestly the only thing this picture is missing are a couple of really tiny dogs. I know 28 year olds that are injecting their lips with whatever they inject lips with, getting Botox, and God only knows what else, and that's totally fine. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If I had the money so much of me would be fake you'd think I was a robot

With or without plastic surgery, I would let either one of these two do whatever they wanted to me for their own disgusting sexual gratification. You here that Jennifer? How about you Sandra? Maybe both all at once? Hey now there's an idea.

 

 

Yeeehaw Queen

 

Beyonce is a country music artist now? I guess? Why would she do that? I don't want to be overly dramatic but this is a living nightmare. You're on your own with this ridiculousness because if you think I didn't like Beyonce's music before just imagine how I feel now

Diddy Wars! Now With Hookers! (allegedly)

 

 There's some kind of weird war of words between 50 Cent, his prostitute wife (allegedly) and Diddy. But there isn't a chance in the world I'm deciphering any of this shit from these terrible people, so I linked the original story if you hate your brain.

 I thought the whole flat-billed baseball hat-take my picture on a yacht trend came to an end about 15 years ago but I guess not. 

And In an even more  shocking turn of events I've actually written about that hooker before. Here here here and here.  Remember Jason Derulo? No? Of course not. Why would you. Anyway, she evidently graduated from the Kardashian School of Dating. Just bounce from rapper to rapper until you can buy a really nice car and move to Miami. 

What is it with Miami and these idiots. I lived in Miami and it's awful, I do not get it. It's always 100 degrees, even in the winter, the air is always like a steam room and everything is constantly wet. It rains every single day, and you sweat just walking from your house to your car. It's like Vietnam without the war. There was a puddle in front of my house for so long, it had tadpoles in it. The moisture in the air even makes the food and milk taste bad and I haven't even gotten to the crime and the way people in Florida drive yet. 

We need to wall that place off so these people can never leave

Larsa Pippen is a Walking Crisis

 Larsa Pippen is apparently famous for something other than being married to 1990s Chicago Bulls player Scottie Pippen but I'm honestly not sure for what.  I don't understand why some people are trying to inject this woman into our lives, but they're allowing a soon to be 50 year old to behave like a 20 year old Instagram influencer for what, money? It's just totally lost on me. 

Is it because she divorced Scottie Pippen and then dated Michael Jordan's 33 year old son? So the fuck what, the guy is 33 years old. It's not like she's picking him up from school or something. What kind of 50 year old woman walks around in a sparkly mini-dress that's better suited for a 21 year old that's going to an all inclusive New Year's Eve party at the Hilton in Rosemont? Grow up.

Listen, I'm a big supporter of people doing and dressing how they want but I'm so sick of this trash celebrity culture that I'm beginning to snap. Think of it this way. If that was a 50 year old man running around in those jeans with the stitching on the back pockets, dyed jet black hair, a Corvette, and a girlfriend that was (almost) 20 years younger than he was you'd laugh at him and call him nasty names. Why does she - or they - get a pass? Because she has tits? And on top of it all, she's seven beers attractive at best. 

I don't know man, every day doing this fades further and further into my past. Do I blame Larsa Pippen? Not her specifically no, but I do blame the hundreds of Larsa Pippens I see on social media every day. 

Sacha Baron Cohen is an Ahole

 Rebel Wilson has declared Sacha Baron Cohen to be a "gigantic asshole" and it surprises me that anyone needs to read that in a book, just look at the guy. People on the internet think he's some kind of comedic genius because of Borat and Ali G but it's juts because they have brain damage. Just looking at the guy sets off alarm bells, but maybe it's just me. Maybe he's like the Three Stooges. Maybe you either love him or you don't. Hey, Rebel Wilson could also be a gigantic asshole and she probably is. Maybe Sacha can write a book about it and trick people into buying it, wouldn't that be funny?