Courtney Stodden Goes Tits Up

 Courtney Stodden turns up in the celebrity rags once in a while because she was married to a 53 year old man when she was 17, plus she has big tits that she lets hang out all over the place, and as we've discussed in the past, people like big tits and age gaps, especially in Europe. So achieving both in one person is a magical path to success, especially if Courtney Stodden is someone you consider a celebrity.

If you want to know what the big Courtney Stodden news was, she was pretty much on a boat with her tits hanging out while hired paparazzi types took her picture. So now you're pretty much up to speed. I don't know how she makes enough money from this to buy food but apparently she does. ...

Sex and the Shitty

 Sarah Jessica Parker something something Sex and the City blahblahblah. You can't be serious. This show was ridiculous 20 years ago. You're not actually going to watch this garbage dump are you? No way Sarah Jessica Parker is 56 years old, have you seen some of the other 56 year olds on this blog? Do you think we're really this stupid? . She looks like a California Raisin. Why is she dressed like The Jokers' mom?  If I was capable of emotion I'd wet my pants laughing at this totally asinine... show.

Is watching this show the female equivalent of guys in their 40s starting a band? I remember being practically forced at gun point to watch a couple of episodes of the original series and I can tell you, I'd rather bite down as hard as I can on a wood file and have it dragged out of my teeth that sit through this torture chamber.

Vanessa Hudgens is All Action

 Vanessa Hudgens was in a bikini again. That's pretty much the whole story. I wasn't going to write this because it's stupid but she's cute, plus having a third post in one day "looks" better. It used to be a standard thing a decade or so ago to have three posts in a day, but now that you halfwits have an almost insatiable thirst for non-stop 24 hour content and creators deciding to give it to you have created a monster and a world where now Vanessa Hudgens in a bikini playing in the sprinkler is big news. 

Hey that's cool with me I like Vanessa Hudgens in a bikini. It's YOU I don't like.

UPDATE!! This was the third post but I pitched the second one because I didn't like it. If you think the inaccuracy makes me a liar, maybe call my mom and tell her all about it.

Robin Wright is Out of Her Penn

 
 Robin Wright Penn went to the beach with someone they called her husband (no pictures available) and her daughter, Somethingsomething Penn, I guess from when she was married to Ol' Coconut Husk Face.   They said she's 55 years old and she's pretty much giving Elizabeth Hurley a run for her money. I have an idea, if you two want to send me some "pictures" to be a sort of tie breaker. I can decide in the privacy of my home. As usual I mention her age because the internet and The Daily Mail where I steal most of these pictures from are absolutely obsessed with age, and race. As opposed to other sites like E! that are obsessed with race and, age.  Because sites like those tend to skew toward people in their 20s. I don't know why you'd want to gain favor with a bunch of 20 year olds but whatever, it's your life.

By the way in case you're 11 years old she was in The Princess Bride, a great movie which is probably why you recognize her name. Robin's supposed "husband" is some 37 year old French guy who's name I didn't catch, that probably smells.

 What is it with you women picking these French guys all the time. Their national hero is Inspector Clouseau for Christ's sake, or at least it was while people in Europe still had a sense of humor, instead of being a bunch of friggin crybabies like they are now. It's really unbelievable. Maybe we should have just let Hitler have the whole place back in the 40s and been done with it.

!!!EMERGENCY SHARON STONE UPDATE!!!

 Evidently Sharon Stone has a chain wallet. Don't tell me she doesn't, I can see it right there. If she's on her way to a farmer's market in Evanston in her Subaru Forester then all of my years long suspicions will finally be confirmed.

Carol Vorderman has a Good Job

Carol Vorderman was showing off her tits again. It's good work if you can get it. All you need are tits.

Olivia Culpo is Still "Famous"

 Olivia Culpo was in a bikini. I still have no idea what she does, what with the whole internet world blurring the line between being actually famous and being Instagram famous, especially for women. I bet if you asked 1000 people who Olivia Culpo was, not a single one of them would have any idea. But this isn't what this is about. This is actually about having "abs".

There's an old saying, "abs are made in the kitchen". Having good abs is 95% about diet, NOT doing sit-ups. You probably have to have (for men anyway) below 8% body fat to have a six-pack. 5-6% would be better. A "fitness" person has between 14 and 17%. That's someone that works out diligently and watches what they eat. Do you know how difficult it is to achieve 8 percent? It becomes a second job. That's why maybe 20% of the adult human population has great looking abs. And frankly some people are just born that way. It's not impossible to do at all, but it takes an almost superhuman dedication.

The other drawbacks - and they're big ones if you ask me - are two things. Being that thin tends to make you look sickly (outside of pictures) and you get that beach ball head. It looks disproportionate to the rest of her body. Which is fine, if that's what you want. Don't feel too badly though I'm sure there's a ton of make up highlighting her stomach muscles and a Jet Propulsion Laboratory level photo shop job on top of that. But if you want a sexy stomach like me, go for it.