Margot Robbie NUDE Like a Barbie

 This started out as a post about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, but the source material very foolishly included a picture of Margot Robbie and nobody, and I mean no one, cares about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. I guess Margot is in the "Barbie" movie with Ben and I assume they mean the doll. Remember when I said no one cares about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez? You can add the Barbie movie to that list too. Unless there's a lot of Margot Robbie running around naked and having sex with GI Joe or something then I might consider watching it. Before I go I'd just like to add, I love you Margot.

Maya Jama is at it Again

 Maya Jama got engaged to some guy - I assume - and she celebrated by dressing up like a late 80s/early 90s prostitute and going out to dinner without him. They called her 27 which is like me saying I'm a fighter pilot it might be true prove it isn't. . But as usual she's hot so she can say we should wipe out all the otters in the world and I wouldn't care.

The Grown Ups are in Charge?

 

Listen morons, if there's a nuclear apocalypse, it's far more likely I'M going to kill you and take your stuff.

 

I promise you, whether or not you manage to catch a bad cold... that will be the least of your worries.

Siannise Fudge is a Real Winner

Here's Siannise Fudge (?). I don't know if that's her real name or if she's a real person or a Willy Wonka character or what, but that's not what this is about. Usually I'd post a picture of a hot girl in a bikini, write a few stupid things than split. But this is more of a question. 

Why in a country like the UK, with such a small population, 68 million people, a little less than twice the population of California, why do they have so many good looking women there? And why are they all such horrible fame whores? Or do they only have 27 really good looking women there and they all wind up on various reality shows so it just looks like a lot. And all these women do is go in vacation and take pictures of themselves. It's really gross.

Here's her Instagram, that picture? It's a good one. She's basically a skeleton with a pretty face. It must be like sleeping next to a xylophone. She has 2 million Instagram followers so she must be famous for something but this is where my investigation ends. I scrolled through her Instagram and every single picture is of her. That's it. Just her or her fingernails.  There were three or four of her with her boyfriend and one with two other women but this whole Influencer thing is really horrible. What a bunch of hollow, empty people you people are. It's really, really  awful.

Britney Spears Gets New Shoes

 I had to whip something together because I'm running outside to shovel snow and seeing Britney Spears in what they called a slip dress (?) was just enough to help keep me warm for the task ahead. I'll get to more news later.  And thank God she finally bought some decent shoes. I'll be back in a while, and listen Brit, since you went to all that trouble you can keep it all on if you know what I'm saying (I mean while we have sex). 

By the way those were two individual pictures, I didn't capture them that way. I initially tried to piece them together but it started to feel creepy pretty fast so I stopped.

Joey King is not a Kid Anymore

 I wasn't going to write about Joey King because I thought she was 11 years old and the guy she was with in the picture (not pictured) on vacation was her dad. But then I saw the picture of her on the right (very much pictured) and it turns out she's not 11 but 22. The fact still remains that 10 years ago she was in grammar school and still playing with Barbies so while I'm sure she's very nice maybe she should stick to her actor friends or whatever other pervy weirdos she's hanging out with. Oh and in case you didn't know, she's won an Emmy for something, I'm sure it was for acting but who knows.

By the way I saw her boyfriend and if you could see him you'd say, "Yep. That guys an actor alright". Frankly if I was Joey I wouldn't have kids or anything with that guy because she's going to wake up 10 years from now and that guys going to finally admit something and it's not that he wants to become a welder I can pretty much guarantee that.

Alexandra Daddario is Ghostly

 

 

 

Alexandra Daddario was at a SAG Awards dinner - or at least her ghost was. Now they know all about her mysterious disappearance all those years ago on that foggy night while she was on her way home from that Oscars party at that speakeasy with that mysterious stranger in the old timey convertible with one of those horns that go "aaaaoooogah"

Millie Bobby Brown is Somebody

 I wrote about Millie Bobbie Brown but I messed something up and now I have to re-do it all over again and I'm not doing that so this is what you get. Happy?

Stephen King is Timely

 Evidently it's still 2017 in Maine

Cindy Crawford is Muscular

Cindy Crawford was in her home gym the other day and was congratulated for being naturally attractive by other models. It happens. Sometimes people just get lucky and they're born with extraordinary good looks and strong features and muscular builds and Cindy Crawford and me would appreciate it if you people quit gawking like a bunch of ugly, slack jawed morons for once.

Halle Berry is Sandy

 Halle Berry went to the beach with her "personal trainer" (picture unavailable). I'm sure whatever he looks like is fine. Why you would go to the beach with your personal trainer is beyond me, but I guess some people do that. And I also don't know who is taking all of the pictures but it all smacks of set up phoniness to me. I didn't realize you were such a liar Halle. Whatever it's fine. 

Anne Hathaway Still Famous. Wearing a Mask Outside

 

Anne Hathaway took her ears for a walk. In case you're new here, I remove the faces of people still wearing masks. Frankly I like masks because, excpet in the very rare 1 in a million person that actually needs one for some reason,  it provides the immediate identity of total whackos. Anyway, this was one of those stories where they took her picture of someone walking around and then described their clothes. I won't be doing that because you have eyeballs. But I guess I should say something in case you don't have eyeballs and this is being read to you in one of those scary computer voices. She's dressed like a 40 year old from Northbrook that's going to brunch. Happy now?

Elizabeth Hurley NUDE (In My Mind)

 

Elizabeth Hurley was escorted to Joan Collins 88th birthday party last Thursday by her creepy son Damian. What I honestly do not understand, is why a 56 year old woman that looks like this in an evening gown is single. I'm not kidding, I'm being 100% serious. She hasn't come out as being gay, at least as far as I know. And believe me, if Elizabeth Hurley had become a lesbian I'd know. I'd know it  like Obi-Wan Kenobi sensed when Alderaan was blown up.   She's been married and has at least one child. But still, I suppose that happens too.  Still her sister is older than her and she's still single too. So maybe they're both loony like Baby Jane and Blanche Hudson. I could posit theories all day long as to why this is.

Based strictly on the shallowest metric- looks - she's a 10 time gold medal winner and then some. Some men - most men - will put up with A LOT even for a while, if the woman is good looking enough. 

It can't be ageism, MILF porn is one of the most popular porn categories that exists. And trust me, there are a lot of porn categories, and as a man, I can tell you, she more than qualifies.  I keep hoping she's just some gigantic swinger that wants to remain single and she's keeping it under wraps until I get the invitation to one of her parties. You get that Elizabeth? I'm waiting. And yes I will put up with a lot. A LOT. 

Mabel is Somebody

Today I learned of the existence of somebody named "Mabel". She's a "pop" star and most likely a personality free, empty vessel of a human being so I'm hoping I'll never hear about her again. And with any luck I won't. I don't remember what the original story was about but she's a 20 something woman in England, so it was probably about her getting shitface wasted and urinating in the street in Humbly Hills Bar District or where the fuck these people live.

Queen Rania of Jordan Saves the Day

  

I didn't write anything yesterday because I wasn't feeling well, and then I blew it off today because you can't make me do shit. So anyway, I have some breaking, hilarious new stories lined up for later on, but until then, here's Queen Rania of Jordan who I plan on marrying at some point.

Chrissy Teigen is Still Somebody

 Chrissy Tiegen made fun of her "husband" for giving her a crappy Valentine's Day card.

She captioned her photo...

"I guess he saves it for the songs"

She's inferring I guess that John Legend writes his own songs. Which sounds about as likely as me giving a shit abut these two simpletons anymore than I have to, to fill space on this pointless blog that no one reads.

Lottie Moss Makes the Front Page

 Lottie Moss is in the "news". Again. And I'm writing about her. Again. I really need a new hobby. I'm not sure if you're aware of the rest of the internet but there are way, way, way hotter women that are actual porn stars you know, and you don't have to play this weird coy game with them, like "oooo here's the bottom of my boob and my dumb birds in flight tattoo".

Site Update

Here are some links to stories I saw and decided to write about and then changed my mind.

• Adele is Basically a Woo Girl.  
• Jamie Redknapp is Married to Someone Named Frida
•  Sharon Stone is Attractive. Probably Gay.
  

 

There were probably some others but those are the ones I felt like deleting. I'll find something else to delete later.

 

Kodak Black Shot. Probably NOT Killed

 Rapper Kodak Black got shot outside of a Justin Bieber party this past weekend because of course he did. No, as far as I can tell he isn't dead but really it's probably only a matter of time.  And I'm not saying somebody that goes to a Just Bieber party deserves to be shot, but I'm not not saying that either. 

It's an Unequal World

 He's not famous per se, but I saw this and needed content and so I'll just say I guess he wasted his money. And his life. But I suppose at least he gets to call himself a "doctor".  I would have thought someone like him would be happy that the wealth was spread around, but maybe he didn't mean spread out that way. Maybe he meant spread out to him. Not them.

Julia Fox is Over

Julia Fox put on her one outfit and then walked around LA so the photographers she paid for could take her picture. I read somewhere that Kanye threw her out with the rest of the garbage so this was a very, very short ride for her. Even by D-List celebrity standards this was a a short trip. There's less than a month between these three posts.  As far as I can tell, this was so quick, she didn't even get the chance to make any money which is not how being a fame whore is supposed to work. Better luck next time Julia (there won't be a next time, sorry).  

Gvhgytcv is a Woman of Action

 This woman is named Gvhgytcv, and shes the star of "Edcgx dcfsd1". And she went out to dinner with her boyfriend Pfjfbvm.  They look like a couple of anonymous standard issue shitheads in their JCPenney dress up clothes to me so this is pretty much where I'm going to stop writing about them. I just needed to fill some space. I mean the guy is wearing black running shoes for Christ's sake.

Channing Tatum for the Ladies

 Channing Tatum posed for some pictures for some magazine(?) that apparently has a mostly gay audience and I'm posting one of them here for you. Isn't that neat? I'm being proactive. I say it's probably a "gay" magazine because if you asked 10 women in private if they thought a picture like that was sexy I'd imagine 9 1/2  of them would say no. See, things like that - and I'm speaking generally so keep your shirt on -  don't appeal to women. Usually. I'm sorry you don't understand women the way I do, but is that my fault? Nope. If you did some sit ups and bought a new shirt maybe a girl would talk to you and you'd learn something.

And I haven't really heard much about Channing Tatum these last few years but maybe it's just me since the last thing I remember him being in was that stripper movie and I never saw it. Now before you get any ideas I'm not threatened by other good looking dudes. There are plenty of guys in Hollywood that are considered "hunks" that seem okay to me, but for some reason, Channing Tatum just strikes me as a dirt eating moron and he rubs me the wrong way. But I could be wrong (I'm not).

Site Update

I have some stories that I wrote just this morning. How many of them I post today or save until Monday so I don't have to work as hard is one of those unanswerable mysteries in life. But I'll see how I feel in a few hours.
 

Bebe Rexha is Still Famous

 Bebe Rexha decided she needed to be in the news possibly because I haven't seen Bebe Rexha in the news since the last time I wrote about her in May of 2021. And what's easier than throwing on some lingerie and posting the pictures on the internet. To be fair, it's more likely that I'm not 15 years old and I don't like bad music so I just don't notice if she's being talked about or not. 

By the way, the picture on the left was from a story that was published at 11 pm on the 8th of February. The picture on the right was from the 7th where they talk about her "sculpted" abs. So it's no wonder teenage girls are always so manic about their bodies/appearance. Those pictures were posted roughly 30 hours apart and it doesn't even look like the same person. If you handed me those two pictures in a shopping mall and told me these women were there and I needed to find them I would look for two different people. 

Hopefully her "career" will be over soon and I can stop writing about her once a year. Frankly, I can't imagine having to do this two years from now and I'm surprised at this point in her celebrity life that even this story is happening so I guess you never know. 

 

Megan Fox is Horny

 Quickly fading former up and coming starlet Megan Fox dressed like a soccer mom going to a Motley Crue concert for some Jimmy Choo shoe event somewhere. I didn't say I was complaining. Since it was a shoe event I hope she got some new ones because those? Awful.

The Ever Changing Face of Science

 Isn't that weird?

Jonah Hill Has a New Job

Remember Jonah Hill? He gave up Hollywood to become Father Time. Here he is relaxing on the beach getting ready for next December/January.

Dua Lipa is Normal

 Dua Lipa went shopping dressed like a normal person instead of the whorey girl from an 80's movie. Too bad I may have been more interested writing about her if she was dressed like a slut. That's life I guess. She's going on tour or something but I can watch strippers anywhere and I don't need to buy a $200 ticket to do it.

Evangeline Lilly Wins (My Heart)

 Evangeline Lilly has been in the news lately. In my search for Evangeline Lilly pictures to use here, I did manage to see that it was about some protest she attended but I never read these news stories, you know that. Those stories are usually squarely aimed at people with a 5th grade reading comprehension that get riled up over stupid bullshit because they're mostly little more than separate tribes of chimpanzees just waiting to club each other over the last banana tree or something. 

Anyway  I for some reason recognize her name and I think she's really sexy. I thought she was a model? But I guess she's an actress? Other things I know about Evangeline Lilly that I found out during my image search...

She was born in 1979

She's (quite obviously) female 

She's from Canada? I think? 

So far that's about it. But listen, if Evangeline Lilly wants to get together and discuss her history, or her hobbies or maybe her dress in that picture or whatever I'm pretty easy to find.

Emily Atack is Somebody

 Emily Atack is famous in Britain (so nowhere) and she gets written about once in a while, I gather mostly because she looks like a porn star on a coffee break. But not a good porn star, she looks like a porn star that's trying to look like a porn star. I guess that's fine, I needed to write about somethig and blondes with boobs are somethig I like so here we are. And anyway, what do I care. If you want to waste your life like this it's fine with me, I'm not the life cops. God I hope these people are smart or funny or something because they all seem about as empty as a garbage can on garbage day or whatever. She's a 32 year old woman posting mirror selfies on TikTok. Once in a while I totally understand but some of these people do this multiple times a day, all week long. I just don't get it. 

Shawn Mendes for the Ladies

 Here's Shawn Mendes walking around with his shirt off for the ladies. 23 year old Shawn Mendes by the way. So mentally he's basically in junior high. Hey, I didn't want to write this but I'm guessing you're probably tired of looking at pictures of women over 40 in bikinis and listening to me describe how I'd like to have sex with them. Unless you aren't tired of that and you're some kind of weirdo. Which, by the way, is fine with me. There were some other pictures of him and his friends but they all had their shirts off and it was all very weird and I just wanted to get through this. Like a soldier trying to survive Vietnam so he can just get home. So in a way this makes me a hero.

Hi Sarah Shahi

 I learned about Sarah Shahi early this (Sunday) morning and I don't think I'll ever be the same. Just sayin'.

Yee Haw Brian Austin Green

Brian Austin Green took his hillbilly girlfriend to the beach. I didn't catch her name but if  it isn't Mckayla I'll eat my hat. And if you think I say "hillbilly girlfriend" like its a bad thing then you don't know me. Like at all. 

I don't even remember at this point who Brian Austin Green is. I thought he was on Jackass or something but that doesn't seem right. He was probably on some CW show that teenage girls watch that influences them to have sex in elevators or cast spells on ex-boyfriends or whatever they do on those things.

!!!URGENT CHRISHELL STAUSE UPDATE!!!

 

BREAKING NEWS Chrishell Stause is on vacation in Mexico in a bikini. I'm not even sure which one she is but I'm quite sure it doesn't matter. Let's face it, there's probably very little difference between these two anyway. I'm just being honest.

Reese Witherspoon is Dull

 I don't write about Reese Witherspoon much, mostly because I'm totally indifferent to her. She's nice looking and seems smart I guess and she's probably funny - maybe - but I don't know, I just don't notice her. If she moved into the house across the street I'd wave at her and help if she fell down or something but otherwise I probably wouldn't even notice. Honestly I don't know why.

I typed all of that because someone interviewed her about how she fared during "Dry January". See what I mean? It's such an average, run of the mill thing. And on top of all that, they called her "The Election actress" and that movie came out in 1999. I don't even remember who was president in 1999 and I was alive then. I don't know she just seems so boring. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. Enjoy your average, run of the mill life I guess.

I'm Sorry Anastasia Karanikolaou

 Okay so maybe I was a little hasty when I originally talked about Anastasia Karanikolaou. Sometimes I guess maybe I'm just tired you know?  We all make mistakes that's why pencils have erasers. Look, let me take you somewhere nice or I know! How about a picnic? C'mon it'll be fun and we can go in a nice hike and have sex in the woods -WHOOPSIE!- did I say that out loud I mean we can feed the deer. Or something.

Julia Fox Wins Again

 Apparently, Julia Fox (Kanye West's not pictured girlfriend) only has that one outfit, but you know what? That's okay with me.

Eva Longoria is Kind of Cute

 Eva Longoria did an interview with Women's Health magazine and then posted the pictures on Instagram of which, I fully approve. I'm even giving her a pass on the high waisted thing she's wearing on the left. She's probably the only person in the history of Earth that I've seen that that actually looks good wearing it. There's no other reason for this post really because I have no idea what the interview was about, I'm just in love with Eva Longoria. There. I said it.

Kim Kardashian Does This. Again.

 Kim Kardashian looks like a woman a member of the Mexican Mafia would have tattooed across his back.

EMERGENCY HEIDI KLUM UPDATE

 Here it is. 

Vanessa Hudgens Wins

 Vanessa Hudgens is cute. She posted this on Instagram and the story I stole this from went into great detail about what she was wearing, which, you can see right there. I used to pretty much ignore her but that all changes starting today. In fact I have written about her more frequently than I realized. I guess this means we sort of like each other and maybe want to hang out some time? Maybe we can do something fun like go to a carnival or you know, maybe have some hot dogs. Bring that belly chain would you.

Elvira is Active

 So Elvira "Mistress of the Dark has decided to throw her boobs into the Joe Rogan thing. On Twitter of course...

I stand with musicians and artists, not with quacks and hacks. This cause is close to my heart

For the people who call this "censorship"....Would it be ok if I had a podcast inviting "experts" to encourage people to drive drunk? "If I crash and kill myself, big deal, it's MY problem." ? How about the people you kill or injure in the other car? Do they matter at all to you?

First Joni Mitchell and now Elvira. Wow. Neil Young. has really fired up the whole "I thought they died 15 years ago" crowd. 

Heidi Klum is Very Heidi Klum

 Heidi Klum showed up to the premier of "Moonfall" dressed exactly how I'd beg her to dress. Like, all the time. This happened on Monday. Don't these people ever get tired? She didn't just decide to go to a movie. She got all dressed up and did her make up etc etc. This was an "event". Such as it is, because let's face it, you'll never see this movie. And Heidi Klum looks better right now than she did in the 90s. How is that even possible? Maybe this was some kind of genetics experiment. Isn't she German? Maybe someone should look into this if you know what I'm getting at.

Whoppi Goldberg Suspended

 Whoopi Goldberg got susbpended from The View for two weeks. ABC News president Kim Goodwin released a statement...

Effective immediately, I am suspending Whoopi Goldberg for two weeks for her wrong and hurtful comments. While Whoopi has apologized, I’ve asked her to take time to reflect and learn about the impact of her comments. The entire ABC News organization stands in solidarity with our Jewish colleagues, friends, family and communities

 Imagine the host of a television show that's aimed squarely at upper middle class, alcoholic, stay at home white women being an ignorant shill. I'm shocked that something like this could happen in this day and age. 

Whoopi couldn't be reached for comment because she immediately became the homeless lady shouting things and begging for money at the bottom of the Irving Park Road exit off The Kennedy Expressway (pictured). 

Perrie Edwards has Legs

 In case you wanted to know what Perrie Edwards was up to, she posted this picture on Instagram. If you didn't know, she's the "Little Mix" star. So now when someone asks you what you think of Little Mix you won't look like a dope. 

Also, if  you're a guy reading this I want you to look at her eyes. Study them. Remember them. I may be a little more experienced in this area than you are and you can take my word for it. Just by seeing her eyes, I can tell you she's crazier than a shithouse rat. The eyes are the window to the soul and hers is blacker than the blackest black you can imagine. But if you feel like you need to learn everything the hard way, knock yourself out. I won't stop you.

Doja Cat is Somebody

 Doja Cat dressed like this in the video for her new song "sbdkvdvmd__Ykdh". I wasn't aware that people still made videos but there it is so I guess they do. You should right click this image and "save as" so you can turn it into an NFT or a bitcoin or whatever because three years from now you won't even remember her name.