Denise Richards has a New "Reality" Show

Denise Richards has a new show and I guess it's a cartoon? It's called "Denise Richards And The Wild Things".  I have no idea what it's about but that picture is a Denise Richards cartoon. They said she looks "youthful" and of course she does. She's been filtered and photo shopped so much she's no longer three dimensional and that's almost not a real picture of her even though they expect you to believe it is. You ever see Clutch Cargo? That guy looks exactly the same as he did in the early 1960s because he isn't a real person either

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Nick Jonas has Wood

 Nick Jonas always looks like someone just threw sawdust into his face.

Chelsea Handler is Bright like the Sun

 Chelsea Handler 100% fully supports Kamala Harris. Chelsea Handler also thought the Sun and the Moon were the same thing until she was 40 years old.  You know, in case you want to know who you're getting your political advice from

!!BREAKING JENNIFER ANISTON UPDATE!!!

 Okay so it looks like she's fixing her hair. Maybe she was just growing it out or something I don't know but this is a huge relief to me. For me, this is exactly the same feeling as making it to the gas station when your car is on E and you're stuck at a light two blocks away. 

I don't understand it, but women are always doing all kinds of weird shit with their hair but it looks much, much better. Like I said I don't care if she shaves her head but if it doesn't look good, it doesn't look good. The Jen in that picture is the Jen I sent all those letters too.

Clindy Crawford Looks Good

 Cindy Crawford is better looking at 58 years old than her daughter Kaia Gerber is at 22. This isn't a slam against Kaia who I'm sure is very nice (but somehow I doubt it) it's simply a fact. There's the picture of them right there in Paris for the Olympics. 

Poor kid. I don't care how successful of a model Kaia becomes, I bet that really messes with her head. Why? Because all women are nuts that's why. And if anything, models are even loonier. Ask me how I know

Jennifer Aniston by a Hair

 Jennifer Aniston was filming her new show The Jennifer Aniston Show or whatever it is. I don't have Apple TV and I never will so they could give Jesus Himself a fishing show or something and I'd never watch it. 

You guys know I love Jen but she has to do something about that hairdo. This isn't a slam, it comes from my heart.  It really looks awful and has for a while now. That hair is equivalent to someone buying a Ferrari and putting a Hello Kitty wrap on it. But I guess I have to be supportive and blah blah

Charlize Theron Goes Greek

 Charlize Theron took her stick legs to the opening of the 2024 Olympics and she got all dolled up for the event. I don't know why we need celebrities for the Olympics, we all know what they are. Does everything have to involve famous people now? I guess it gave her a chance to dress like a Greek Goddess in a 1960s movie about Ben Hur or Argonauts or whatever.

Charlize Theron does nothing for me. Zero. I don't think she's ugly or anything and I can appreciate why stupid people are attracted to her but not me. In fact, when I see her, alarm bells go off. Big time. It's something I can't quite put my finger on but it's there, and evolution gave us these warning devices for a reason. Same thing with Angelina Jolie. Everyone is hypnotized by these two supposed "beauties" and I'm just over here with a bottle of holy water and a crossbow

 

Ben Affleck is so Handsome

They said Ben Affleck looked "handsome" when he got all dressed up. That's something you'd tell an 11 year old that got dressed up for his sister's wedding or grandmother's funeral. 

Can we finally be done with this asshole now? Imagine being dumb enough to get married to Jennifer Lopez. Twice. On purpose. Karma really had it in for this guy, who was he in a past life, Hitler?

 

 

Bebe Rexha Escapes

Bebe Rexha (right) and her friend, Who Cares, washed up onto some sailors boat, probably trying to escape a killer whale or something. I didn't know people were still talking about her, I thought they'd moved on to the next Flash-in-the-Pan Sabrina Carpenter.   I've written about Bebe before but I'm not linking anything go find it yourself you have a computer.

You know, sudden weight gain can be a symptom of deeper, psychological and emotional issues and should be treated as a warning. Especially if your entire career depends on you being thin and attractive.

 

 

Site Update

 I'll have very little, if any, access to a PC today and I can't (won't) do this shit on my phone so I'll try later today or tonight for tomorrow how does that sound. Good? Well that's what's happening like it or not and life is full of disappointments. Especially yours

Kate Faasse is New

!!!BREAKING NEWS!!! The world has a new Olivia Dunne!  I wonder what they do with the old Olivia Dunne. My guess is they drive her out to the woods in the middle of nowhere and just drop her off and let her run free. 

I don't know why we need yet another Olivia Dunne since we already have one and I personally thought one was way more than enough. How many interchangeable blondes do we need to sell yoga pants?  

Of course she's "hot" she was a teenager two years ago this is when you're supposed to be hot.

Lynda Carter is All American

 I was going to do this huge story about how Lynda Carter looked amazingly hot at 72 years old (left) but it turns out she's just another Boomer nut bag that likes to post things that seem bizarrely to appeal mostly to Instagram and Facebook teenagers in India and the Philippines for some reason so I think I'll sit this one out

Salma Hayek is Wide

 Salma Hayek went out in public wearing those shoes. Now look, I'm not one of those feet weirdos, or guys that like women's shoes, I just happen to have exceedingly good taste, and to me those shoes with that super wide heel SCREAM "old lady that wants to wear heels". Salma Hayek is 57 years old but is clearly not an "old lady". But that's what I see when I look at those shoes. 

Now I also know she's short (5'2 on a good day) and wants to be taller but unlike men, it's okay for a woman to be short, in fact a lot of men and women think it's adorable, so if given the option of those heels or a flat shoe or maybe even a boot, that's what I would have advised her to wear. Hey this is just my expert advice you can take it or leave it no one cares.

Colombian Actress Gets Robbed

 Someone broke into a Colombian "actress'" house but I clicked "open in new tab" to save this picture and forgot her name. Joanne? I think? Anyway, you live in Colombia what do you expect. I'd be surprised if nobody broke into your house.

 Because I closed the story too fast I didn't get to read if anything was stolen but a 28" tube TV and a lot of black lacquer furniture, a cocaine grinder, and a couple of soccer balls would be my guess.

Jack Black is Historic

I was going to write about Jack Black again but it's 2024 now, not 1994 and seriously, who gives a fuck about Jack Black.

Sami Sheen is Famous Now

Sami Sheen continues her march to fame and glory by going on vacation in Italy. She rented the old President's Mansion which means it has a flushing toilet and a fan in the window.  Sorry, but I'm sick of pretending the rest of the world is as good as the United States of America - or even Britain - when it clearly isn't. Other places may look pretty but that's all down to geography and the way the planet was formed, 4 billion years ago, not because they offer anything else to the world.  What was the last thing you bought from Italy? Marble based furniture? Spaghetti?

No one moves to Italy to start a new life except people that can buy a fully refurbished 32 room chateau with a helipad and around the clock security, and criminals on the run from the law that want to disappear into some weird mountain village that still thinks it's the 1950s. 

Good luck Sami Sheen but I'm done writing about you

Lori Harvey is Boring

 

Lori Harvey was on a yacht with her baby daddy, rapper Li'l Prison Gun or whatever the fuck his name is. YAWN. I don't even know if he's a rapper but then who isn't these days.

I'm shocked that I've written about her before.

I have to be honest, I get sick of writing about these assholes that have this weird fantasy that they're constantly walking around in a James Bond movie with their luxury cars, and suits, fancy watches and helicopters, like they're going to jet off to Monaco and play high stakes baccarat in a classy room while ordering martinis made with Hennessy somewhere. This is what I thought rich people did when I was 12 years old, yet here they are in their 20s and 30s thinking everybody walks around in a casino wearing a tuxedo instead of a track suit,  sweat pants, an "I ate the whole thing" t-shirt and crocs. I really have to start writing about other things.

Anyway, she's rich only because her father has been on TV since the 1980s and offers the world little more than looking good in a bikini. But you have to admit he does that pretty good.

Chrissy Teigen No Longer Fat

 Chrissy Teigen lost a bunch of weight and decided to show it off. Too bad she still has that face though. Oh well, what are you gonna do. 

Did I ever tell you she called me an asshole once? Unprovoked? It was years ago and she probably doesn't even remember because she's a lush. But I'll never forget because I'm a petty man that holds a grudge.

Violet Garner is the Masked Avenger

 So Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's 18 year old daughter Violet is a nut job. She's demanding mask mandates for everyone because she got sick in a hospital. This would be like demanding everyone else wear a seat belt because you drove your car into a light pole. She went on to explain her rationale for her brilliant plan thusly...

  'I contracted a post-viral condition in 2019. I'm okay now, but I saw first-hand that medicine does not always have answers to the consequences of even minor viruses.'

The eldest daughter of the Argo director, 51, and the 13 Going on 30 star, 52 — who divorced in 2018 — then spoke about the COVID-19 pandemic and how 'one in ten infections leads to long COVID, which is a devastating neurological, cardiovascular illness that can take away people's ability to work, move, see and even think.'

'It stands to exacerbate our homelessness crisis, as well as the suffering of many people in our city. It hits communities of color, disabled people, elderly people, trans people, women and anyone in a public facing essential job the hardest.'

You'll notice she got sick before the pandemic in 2019 so I'm not sure how much this would have helped her or why she tied these two things together. And if masks work, then the fact that SHE'S wearing a mask really should be enough. So can you people do me a favor? Please?  Just shut the fuck up.  I don't ask for much so just do me that one favor.  And I don't know how not wearing a mask exacerbates homelessness, but I also don't know why we're allowing people like Ben Affleck to breed, but I don't get to make those rules. Someone should get out ahead of this and get her the help she needs, she's only 18 and has a long life ahead of her. I'd hate to see her spend the next 70 odd years walking around like Carrie in the movie of the same name. That would be a terrible shame.

Of course she has a lot of support on X, the repository for all the world's mental illness. This must've been like blood in the water to them. So in short make sure you wear a mask around this mental basket case, I'm done talking about this nonsense, and have been for more than two years

Bradley Johnson is a Lunatic

 Over 100 people were shot in Chicago over the Fourth of July holiday, 19 fatally. It seriously sounds like the statistics of a battle in the Vietnam War. And Chicago's mayor Bradley Johnson decided this was somehow all Richard Nixon's fault. A guy that died 30 years ago and stopped being president 50 years ago. I know when my car won't start I blame Jimmy Carter.  You gotta be a real nutjob to follow this logic. 

Hey I live just outside of Chicago so I don't get to vote for mayor but I'm glad the people of Chicago are suffering after they voted this nit-wit into office. They had their chance and now it's time to live with the consequences of your actions.

Eva Longoria is Hot

 Eva Longoria went to the beach with her "husband" Joe and her five year old kid Santiago. This happened somewhere in the Mediterranean but I was mostly looking for a reason to write about Eva Longoria in a bikini so I didn't check where. 

It does seem to me to be a weird place to go on vacation in the Summer, like I would think you'd want to go somewhere cooler like a forest or the mountains of Northern California... maybe hunt for Bigfoot or something but you people are boring and insist on going to beaches that are literally covered in dirt and full of disgusting overweight strangers for some bizarre reason. 

Don't worry Eva you can still wear a bikini for me in the woods. In fact I'd probably like that better

Kacey Musgraves Sitting in a Tree

 Kacey Musgraves shared some pictures of her sitting in a tree. I guess that's a "country" thing to do because there was no other explanation as to why she did this. They also said she's 35 years old and there's no explanation why I should believe that either. You believe this woman is 35? She isn't. 

I'm not saying it's a bad thing, she's actually pretty hot and as usual I will say, I don't care if she was 105 but these people have this weird habit of lying about their ages like, who cares. What are you worried about some 19 year old will no longer find you attractive? It's a stupid reason, 19 year olds all have severe learning disabilities (I didn't want to say retarded) plus teenagers don't usually have any money so who gives a shit what they think about anything.

Tobey Maguire is Young at Heart

49 year old Tobey Maguire has a new 20 year old girlfriend named Lilly Chee. I personally can't for the life of me imagine what you'd see in a girl - she's a girl - that was worried about her prom dress in 2022. She can't even legally buy a beer, but whatever floats your boat. Like I've said a thousand times, age gaps of any kind don't bother me in the slightest. It's not my business, she's a grown up with free will, and if they're happy, what difference does it make. I guess I just don't get it at all. What would you talk to her about, emojis? Taylor Swift?

I'll tell you what. I will do my best to explain the older man/younger woman dynamic for you right now, as simply as I can. 

Tobey Maguire is 49 years old, the problem is, Tobey Maguire doesn't think he's 49 years old. Tobey Maguire thinks he's 25 years old, or 35 years old. Most men don't think of their age in terms of numbers, whether he was born in 1967 or 1997 means nothing to him, I can't explain why, it's just how the male mind works, and I should know, I have a male mind. When he looks in the mirror he just sees Tobey Maguire he doesn't think of himself beyond that.

My best friend for a long time was a grizzled Korean War vet that called everyone "Asshole" He was easily 30 years older than me but we'd hang out, have a beer, and do whatever dudes do. The fact that we were separated by at least two generations meant nothing, it simply never came up, and that's just how dudes are. And in a weird way, that applies to what guys think of women too. He doesn't see a 20 year old, he just sees a woman he finds attractive, the fact that she was born in 2004 is something that most likely never even crossed his mind. Of course I'm no psychiatrist, I'm simply stating my opinion from experience and I could be wrong by a mile. But I doubt it. 

I look at her and while I don't find her particularly attractive myself, all I see is a woman. If you told me she was 31 I'd believe you because as long as she's not a child SHE'S A GROWN UP as much as you or me. They send 20 year olds off to war all the time so if some 20 year old wants to fuck a 49 year old millionaire... really who cares.

I hope my explanation made sense or helped even a little, if it didn't try reading it again

Blake Lively is Hot

 Blake Lively went out to dinner in New York on Friday and wore a long denim jacket despite the fact that it was 77 degrees at 10 PM on Friday. I've written about this bizarre phenomena of celebrities wearing jackets even in the middle of the summer multiple times. I don't know why they do that it could be because it just looks better and they know they're going to be photographed -OR- they're all mental basket cases. That could be a reason too.

I also don't where her smug faced husband Ryan Reynolds was, maybe she got tired of his frat boy shit. I can easily imagine him inviting Jack Black over and they'll both spend the night doing keg stands and playing that beer cup game with a ping pong ball.

The source story prattled on about a bunch of nonsense neither one of us gives a shit about so I won't bother summarizing it. Something about a movie or foundation or something I think

TORI SPELLING BOOBS BIKINI

 Queen of the Butterfaces Tori Spelling put on a bikini to show off her tits and went to the beach where she tried to not mess up her hair and make up because she had no idea a guy with a camera would be there. In her defense, I've been to California and even in July that water was like ice. I have no idea how you people continue to live in that place. Still, she's gotten kind of hot as she got older.

Anyway back to her tits. Some commenters had some kind of issue with them but I don't know what, because I went back to my habit of NOT reading the comments on articles, tweets etc... because you people are stupid beyond all comprehension and there is zero reason anybody needs to hear what you have to say about any topic. So you go girl really whip those babies out show the world what you're made of.

Timothee and Kylie are Stars

 Kylie Jenner and Timothee Chalamet went to the movies. I guess they're dating, but who cares. No mention of what they went to see but my guess it wasn't Wonka because no one saw that piece of crap. 

No word yet as to why they were wearing masks, maybe they just wanted to rob the place