I was going to write about Crystal Hefner's boobs, and how having her fake ones removed cost her thousands of followers on social media but oh my God who could possibly give a shit. I didn't even know Hugh Hefner had a wife named Crystal. Let me tell you, I'm a guy, and I definitely don't care about boobs all that much. In fact it's very, very low on my list of things I find appealing about women, and dudes that have boobs listed as some kind of top end "requirement" on a check list, have some kind of weird psychological hang up, and if you're a woman, you'll be getting exactly what you imagine if you settle for one of these types of guys. He's probably going to make you go to hockey games, and you'll be forced to shop for sports jerseys and commemorative helmets for him for his birthday and Christmas while he eats "wings", smokes cigars, and yells at your kid's volunteer football coach. But whatever, it's your life. If you want a garage with a beer fridge in it and a Chicago Bears banner hanging on the wall, and a bass boat in the driveway I won't try to stop you.
