Kate Moss is Innocent

Kate Moss was in Spain with her 24 year old "protégé" named Jordan (of course) Barrett. Is that what they're calling it now? Protégé? Maybe it's all perfectly innocent. Maybe they just went to Spain to hang around and smoke and paint each other's nails. Hey you never know.

Demi Rose Nude

 Hey look everyone! Demi Rose has tits! What an amazing time to be alive. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but most boobs are just like every other boob. Basically if you've seen one you seen them all.  Some day you'll understand. That time obviously isn't right now since you're here slobbering over some fame hungry, z-list shit head but you'll see. Would I lie to you? (yes I would)

Two People are Dating Yipee

 These two are dating. Pretty exciting right? Someone bothered to write about this because he's 57 and she's 23. I didn't even bother to find out their names and I'm not going to either. I don't know how many times I've written about "age gaps" here, at least a dozen I'd guess, and if they like each other it's seriously none of your business. Like really none of your business.  During a time when someone might wake up every day one of literally a half a dozen different genders, and probably a lot more by now, because the voices in their head tell them too, the fact that this bothers anyone irritates me. 

On the other hand dude c'mon. She's 23. In 2014 she couldn't even drive a car. She thinks Star Wars started with The Rise of Skywalker. I don't know if I would even notice a 23 year old no matter what she looks like. She's a child. Her central nervous system is still developing.  Obviously the guy is loaded otherwise what interest would she have in him. The guy probably saw Grand Funk Railroad in concert, and she doesn't know who or what that is. They both must need to have a translator present when they have a conversation. Whatever I hope you two wacky kids are happy, please don't have a baby. It'll be better for everyone.

Megan Barton Walks the Streets

 Here's Megan Barton. She's either a dim bulb from a British reality show, or she's on her way to a porno shoot. Please let it be the later. Let's face it, it's where she'll be headed eventually, so we may as well cut to the chase.

I Won't Marry Scarlett Johansson

I could never, ever be married to a famous person. Not even Scarlett Johansson. Could you imagine having to go to these dog and pony shows, while those bloodsucking bottom feeders take your picture so a bunch of dirt eating morons could see you dressed up like a corpse going to the premier of a terrible movie,  that's slowly making the world a much worse place to live. It's something I couldn't even comprehend. By the way, this picture was attached to some story about her suing Disney and I don't care so I'll include the link even though that goes against my new Rules for Livin'. If you read it, give me a call and let me know what it says, where I'll let it go to voicemail and then delete it without listening.

Miley Cyrus Wants a Sugar Cube

 Miley Cyrus is performing at Lollapalooza. I live less than 15 miles from where this is happening, I bet I could be there in less than 30 minutes, and I'd rather catch malaria than sit through one of these things, but I have to say, I dig her clothes. Like, a lot. 

Yeah she's still doing that thing with her tongue like a jackass begging for an apple which I will never understand but I don't have to. Evidentially you idiots like it so I guess that's good enough for me. More power to you.

Bruce Springsteen Dumps an Idea

 Bruce Springsteen declined the offer of having a New Jersey rest area named after him. I'm not really sure why since his music is shit so it seemed kind of fitting, but I scanned the article really quick looking for quotes and I didn't see anything worth copying > pasting > quote texting > italicizing, so I have no idea why he declined. Bon Jovi agreed to it and his music is even worse. 

Bruce Springsteen may very well be the nicest guy in the universe, but his fans, like the serious fans, are always such pretentious assholes, why is that? Him and The Beatles. At least Beatles fans can seem okay sometimes, they're usually harmless enough, unless you get a real burned out Boomer hippie that still thinks it's 1968.  Then you start running into problems and you have to hear about communism or whatever they think makes them sound smart. But Bruce Springsteen gets this weird, "people pretending to be the intellectual class liking a guy that's pretending to be working class" at least that's how I see it. Every Bruce Springsteen fan has a Jewfro. There. I said it.

Jamie Lee Curtis is Cool Now

 Jamie Lee Curtis is part of the IN CROWD now because her daughter became her son., Or her son became her daughter I'm not sure which it is and I honestly do not care. Although I think it's the non-Jamie Lee Curtis in that picture but don't hold me to that. I have to say this won't help put those hermaphrodite rumors to rest..

The 62-year-old icon shared that she and husband Christopher Guest 'have watched in wonder and pride as our son became our daughter Ruby' in a new interview with AARP magazine.

 'She and her fiancé will get married next year at a wedding that I will officiate,' the Halloween star added.

 And while wedding bells will soon ring in the family, Curtis told the publication she doesn't have any grandchildren: 'Not yet, but I do hope to.'

Well... if your son became your daughter, I have some bad news for you. I'm not David Attenborough but boys don't get pregnant, I don't give a fuck what Twitter says about that. Except for sea horses. I think.  Anyhoo, I don't know why anyone is supposed to care about this, but I guess people do. Maybe you people need harder jobs like digging ditches or something so you're too tired to constantly think about all of this nonsense. 

Pre-Posting Update! Her son is becoming her daughter. And that's official. I just got the call from the "Shit You Don't Need to Know Department" in Los Alamos.

Regina Turner Nude (I wish)

 Did I talk about Regina Turner yet today? Can I? Would you guys mind? 

The Worst Place on the Internet

 I tried to look for some new sources today, so I clicked over to Eonline, and that is far and away the worst place on the internet. If I had epilepsy, it would have triggered a fit. And not a "oh I'm having a fit" I mean a full on alien bursting out of your chest, grand mal seizure where people have to put pencils in your mouth so you don't swallow your tongue. Just look up there at that screen grab for starters. If you think I'm going to read that garbage for stuff to write about you, my friend, are high. Ashton Kutcher? Who seriously gives a fuck. I'll have to keep looking. By the way I didn't include a link so if you want to see for yourself you are on your own.

Simone Biles Pulls Out

 
 

Simone Biles pulled out of The Olympics for mental health reasons or something I don't really know, and I couldn't possibly care less. There's your BIG OLYMPIC NEWS for today, happy? After this shocking news I don't know how much more I'll write today so check back later. Or don't. I'm not your mother.

Regina Turner Getting Divorced

Ummm... What?

A Manhattan spinal surgeon has settled his divorce with his former-beauty queen wife after claiming in court papers that he discovered she had been engaged in sex work.

 Millionaire surgeon Dr. Kim claimed he first became aware of his wife's double life in December 2020 when he came across an explicit iMessage intended for Turner, which detailed a sexual encounter between her and another man, the court papers reportedly state.

The pair officially separated in April — and Kim said he then learned his wife had been selling sex for money starting before they wed Nov. 27, 2015, and continuing throughout their marriage, according to the amended complaint filed earlier this month in Manhattan Supreme Court.

Turner’s alleged financial records showed $675,030 in cash deposits from 2015 to 2021 -— with many checks coming from a New Jersey real estate executive, as well as a lighting designer’s UK-based company, according to the document.

My only issue with this is her husband is/was a millionaire so this obviously wasn't a desperate person that needed the money. And well... I always had a rule about paying for sex but holy shit c'mon. I mean she's so attractive you can't even look directly at her. I might add as long as her "career" was in the past I'd say fine but apparently this was happening right up through 2021. I bet I could change her though.

 I was going to have a bunch of other smart ass shit to say but I'm basically just rambling now. I think I'll just go sit down for a while. But hey. Give me a call me Regina. We can talk about all of this, I'll make you dinner. I hope you like Ramen and hot dogs!

Heather Graham Vacations Nude

 Heather Graham is on vacation in Italy with her boyfriend, the 1984 version of Bruce Willis. This isn't a vacation. What does Heather Graham do to vacation from? At some point these stop being vacations and are better described as just how they live. Which is fine, if you worked hard enough to get to a point where you can jet to Italy for a dip in the ocean it's fine with me, but don't jerk me around and pretend like your life is so hard being retired at age 51. 

And anyway, at this point the rest of the world hates Americans so why are you giving them money? There are 12,383 miles of coastline surrounding the US, you couldn't find a pretty beach here? What did you want to do, go to Italy so you can see people transport farm animals on the back of a motorcycle? Maybe you can watch them drive around some sheep in the back seat of their car, so they can take them home to sleep in their mud hut. Maybe she's slowly working her way to Romania so she can join a gypsy caravan like it's still the 1400s. Watch out for Dracula. Hey maybe you can ward him off with some garlic. Get some in Italy, it's probably sold in vending machines there.

Ben Lopez Kisses Ass on the High Seas Jennifer Lopez NUDE

 

 Ben Affleck took Jennifer Lopez and their overwhelming concern for the environment on a private plane and private yacht trip for her birthday. Maybe Ben always looks like he's about to start crying because he does more environmental damage in one week than an entire suburban neighborhood does in a year. Here are some interesting stats.

 

• A 70 meter (229 foot) yacht will burn 500 liters of fuel AN HOUR just to idle. Not even to move. That's just sitting still doing nothing
  

• The yacht they were on is called Valerie (one of my favorite girl names btw) and by coincidence it's 229 feet. 500 liters is 132 gallons. How long does it take you to use 132 gallons of gas? A month? Two months? They're doing it EVERY HOUR. Every 10 hours they're using 1,320 gallons of gasoline. And that's just sitting there in the air conditioning.
  

• They also traveled by private jet. A Bombardier Global 7500 that consumes 460 gallons of fuel an hour. They flew form the US to France using 460 gallons of fuel every hour they were in the air. It's 4400 miles one way. Being generous, assuming a 10 hour flight for easy math, these two burned FIVE THOUSAND gallons of fuel. Just on that leg of the trip. And they'll have to fly back too. So TEN THOUSAND GALLONS of fuel. How long would it take you to use 10,000 gallons of gas. Three years? Four? They'll do it in two trips. Not even counting the boat. 

•   None of this even includes all of the fuel and everything else the support staff uses getting everything up and running and schlepping these two idiots back and forth in various cars and SUVs and all of the trucks etc. required to get all of this stuff ready, cleaned fueled up and stocked with food and booze.

• Jennifer Lopez is 52

 So I don't want to hear another word from either one of these assholes about how we need to stop doing shit to save the environment. They alone probably "damaged the environment" more on this one single trip than I will for the entire rest of my life. And that's including all those times I flushed used motor oil down the toilet.

 

!!BREAKING ROXANNE PALLETT NEWS!!!

 ATTENTION EVERYONE ROXANNE PALLETT IS PREGNANT OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT 

I guess random nobodies getting pregnant is news now. Maybe it's news because that Neanderthal Man in the New York Yankees shirt managed to find her vagina without using a picture book. If you want my advice - and I know you do - Never EVER get involved with a guy that owns a Yankee's jersey and a gold chain that big. But hey it's your life. If you want to ruin it, knock yourself out. And by the way big guy, hey have leg machines at the gym too you know. 

Look at them being carefree and happy while the hired paparazzi (one) pretends to hide while they take their pictures.

Amanda Holden Goes Boating Nude

 I know I already wrote about one British nitwit in a bathing suit, but Amanda Holden is different. Why? Because I said so that's why. I don't think she's married or has a boyfriend or anything because it's never mentioned and I can see that at age 50 that might be an issue. Are you 50 years old? Do you look like that? Did you look like that when you were 24? So you see what I'm getting at? 

 As a man I can tell you she could walk into almost any establishment, point at a single guy and say I want that one and that would be enough. The fact that they don't hang around somebody that looks like a picture of a girl teenage me drew speaks volumes. As a man with some experience in this area you have to trust me on this. If a woman of any age looks like that, and has no boyfriends, no husband, no girlfriends, there's a problem you don't want any part of. I am willing to try though. Just this once. Again.

Mary Bedford is a Real. Doll.

 Here's another vapid, soulless, plastic faced, fame chasing bougie idiot named Mary Bedford that is apparently planning on taking something called Love Island by storm. She looks like an animated Real Doll. I'm sorry I'm just going to come right out and say it no matter how much it hurts me, or you. British people are stupid as fuck. This is all they talk about as far as I can tell. Lock downs, masks, and idiotic reality shows. It's really something, and I will never understand it. 

 They have a lot of nerve ever making fun of Americans I can tell you that much. Frankly, after all I've read,  I'm surprised they even know how to use their opposable thumbs to turn on a television. They're all just this side of communists over there by this point so maybe they all have government funded, private in home assistance for doing simple tasks like they would send some guy that's paralyzed from the neck down. Only they're paralyzed from the neck up.

Bob Geldof NUDE

 Bob Geldof is a James Bond villain now. And to prove it, he went to some "youth summit" in Munich. He's dressed like he's in charge of it. Hopefully not the Hitler Youth but who can ever tell with the Germans, you know how they are. And I really have to find some new sources. The British tabloid press talks almost exclusively about reality show dimwits, and the same five or six people. And most of them are from the 80s. Christie Brinkley, Paulina Porizkova, Brian May and now Bob Geldof. I've even written about Bob Geldof before. The guy had one hit song 40 years ago. Okay and Live Aid but that was a scam and everyone knew it.  Maybe I'll start looking around for a site that at least talks about this century.

Kyle Richards Nude

 I told you I'd find something to write about. Kyle Richards. In a bikini. Happy?

Site News

 SHIT! I didn't have anything else written for today. I guess I'll have to look around. I don't know if I feel like it so maybe I won't. Please don't tell my boss. By the way, that's me so it wouldn't do you any good anyway.

Marc Jacobs Gets Fixed

 Marc Jacobs got plastic surgery. I think he's a clothing/fashion designer. The only pictures I saw were these two, and if the picture on the right is the result of the surgery he should look into getting a refund because it went horribly wrong. Maybe the surgeon was drunk or mad at him or something.

Conor McGregor is a Pirate

Conor McGregor bought a $3 million dollar yacht. A $3 million dollar Lamborghini yacht. And yeah, that figures. Conor McGregor is exactly the kind of person that would buy a Lamborghini yacht. If I think Lamborghini owner, I think Conor McGregor. You think I'm kidding but it's true. Someone like Conor McGregor suddenly becoming very rich, is exactly like if the banjo boy from the movie "Deliverance" won the lottery.  "I think I'll eat some dirt and then maybe go Lamborghini shopping" is what I'd imagine him and Conor McGregor would say. Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, and 50 Cent, all had MORE money than Conor McGregor. A lot more. And guess how much money they have now. It's basically $0 by the way, in case you didn't know. So keep buying Lamborghini yachts. Maybe you can chug some warm beer and do some shots on it while you're sailing the Seven Seas.  Idiot.

Rebecca Lobie NUDE

 This is Rebecca Lobie and she's "known" as Steve Irwin's "hot niece" because I guess they use different standards of measurement in Australia. Everything there is upside down you know. When they say I'm going to the basement they actually mean attic. It's a crazy place. Anyway, she's starting an adult website and it's going to cost $7 to month to see it although why you'd pay that when you could see Katie Morgan for free is beyond me, but I suppose it's your money, if you want to waste it, knock yourself out.

Bobby Bones is Someone Now

 American Idol person Bobby Bones (what?) got married. Remember American Idol? Hoo boy what a show.  Some of the people there included, retired tennis pro Andy Roddick, Charlamagne Tha God, Dierks Bentley, Jake Owen, and Chuck Wicks. Holy shit wait.  Not THE Chuck Wicks?! Fuck. I don't know why I'm writing about this. I've never heard of a single one of these people and weddings are worse than slamming your fingers in a car door. 

How can someone named Bobby Bones be famous enough that his wedding getting written about on at least two celebrity gossip sites and I've never heard of him. Ever. Not a single microscopic thing have I ever heard of this guy. I didn't even know his name until I read the first story. His new wife is hot though. Too hot for him. Listen Michelle (she looks like a Michelle although I have no idea what her name is), if you get tired of his shit you know where to find me. Just look near the dumpsters by AutoZone. I'll be there.

Queen Rania Visits the White House

 Queen Rania of Jordan was at the White House, why I have no idea. I guess this is the Queen and Princess blog now. I like Queen Rania. And that's all I'm saying about that because her husband was some Middle Eastern Special Forces hit man or something and I'm not an idiot.

Stop Wearing Maxi Dresses

 Salma Hayek wore a Maxi Dress and she needs to stop doing that. Salma Hayek is supernatural and it looks terrible on her. What if you're a normal person?  This isn't even a sex thing, it just looks bad. Like somebody cut a hole in a table cloth and dropped it over her head. As a fashion expert I can tell you with 100% certainty that you shouldn't do this. It's not good. Not good at all.

Kerry Katona Feet Pics

 Kerry Katona claims she's made a million dollars selling topless photos and pictures of her feet. 

'People are quick to say, 'she's desperate' if I get out a bit of nipple, but I've made my first million since bankruptcy and I'm so, so proud.

Hey man, if feet are your thing, it's fine with me, it's kind of weird to me but live and let live. What grown adults do, as long as everyone involved is cool with it , is fine with me, but Kerry Katona? I'm sure she's very nice and maybe she's funny or smart or something you guys have to raise your standards a little bit I mean c'mon. 

Tlda Swinton is "Quirky"

 They said Tilda Swinton "showcased her quirky sense of style" at The Cannes Film Festival, instead of just coming right out and saying she dressed like an idiot. She knows people can see her right?

BREAKING CATT SADLER NEWS

 No she isn't dead. I just drew those "Xs" because that's what they do in cartoons. But she still has Covid, and the proof of that is how much she's still talking about it on social media and trying to milk this to keep her name in the news for as long as possible. She said she got the super scary !!DELTA VARIANT!! from her son. 

'My oxygen levels are fine. I'm at home in bed. I'm not at the hospital. I'm not dying.' she was feeling 'the best I’ve felt all week. Still in bed, but no fever today...my son is almost 100% better.' 

Thank God you can still keep doing interviews about it. Oh well, just like 99.9% of the average healthy population, you'll get better and then you'll have to provide some real substance if you want people to keep talking about you. Or hey! Maybe you can get leprosy. Wouldn't that be a lucky break.

Elizabeth Hurley Nude

 Elizabeth Hurley posted a "throwback" photo of her on vacation but this one is better and it's new. I like that dress. A lot. Yellow and skin tight is a good color for you. I might save this one for last so it'll be at the top all weekend.

Cruz Beckham is Fashionable

 Cruz Beckham dyed his hair pink. I don't care if he has a second head transplanted onto his shoulders and paints it yellow, but he's 16 years old now, maybe it's time he learned what work is. I was so young when I got my first job, my mom had to sign a legal document saying it was okay. And I'm not some guy from some long lost 1940's generation.  No one is suggesting he become a pipe fitter, or heavy equipment operator,  but at least make him find out which end of the broom goes down for a couple of years..

BREAKING GABRIEL IGLESIAS COVID NEWS

 

** GABRIEL IGLESIAS HAS COVID ** GABRIEL IGLESIAS HAS COVID ** I REPEAT GABRIEL IGLESIAS HAS COVID** GABRIEL IGLESIAS HAS COVID **
 
"Comedian" Gabriel Iglesias got Covid-19. He survived. He said he was sick for a while but then he got better. !!Ta Dah!! Just like what happened to me.

If there can be an upside to a pandemic, it's that mediocre celebrities and comics can use it to get talked about on the internet. And there's no real downside. You're sick for a while, but then you get all of this attention. Pretty neat huh?

Jesse James Decker is Sad

 Jesse James Decker took her new boobs out for a spin.  She was upset about body shaming? I don't know who was body shaming her but it didn't work. She - as my grandfather would say - is "built like a brick shit house". Do me a favor. Next time you read about body shaming somewhere do this. Get off the computer and go walk around a shopping mall or grocery store. Every single one of those people you see are the ones posting that garbage on the internet. 

Have you seen those assholes? Gross. They shouldn't be body shaming anyone. There's that one lady with the turkey neck and the flabby arms, with the dolphin ankle tattoo and her husband with the goatee and the sleeveless Harley Davidson t-shirt buying Lite Beer for their BBQ. There's also the 20 something former cheerleader that packed on 45 pounds immediately after high school... The list goes on and on. Frankly, I don't even know how most of you ugly, disgusting people ever even manage to find somebody to love you.

Paulina Porizkova NUDE!

Paulina Porizkova posed in a bikini, probably in the hopes that I'd write about her and look at that, it worked! She's like an evil genius or something. I don't really have anything much else to say because I don't really know much about her except that she was a super model in the 80s, and she married that guy from The Cars that looked like an emu . Women. Who can explain them. Not me. Have your mom call me she can help.

Avril Lavigne TITS. Walks the Dog

 

Avril Lavigne went out without a bra. That's mostly what this was about and I guess this is news to somebody. She was with her boyfriend/husband I honestly have no idea what he is. His name is probably Zip Toobie or whatever these assholes are calling themselves these days. You do realize these two are pushing 40 right? These aren't GenZ, TikTok teenage people, these are or almost are, middle aged people out walking a dog. Why would you date a guy that's in his mid 30s that still dressed like that? And in this day and age? Of course by the looks of things she arrived in a Ford so she obviously doesn't make the best choices to begin with.

Rappers Quit Rapping

 Two rappers retired. Mostly by being shot to death. "KTS Dre" (left) was shot 64 times. Man, somebody wanted that guy dead for sure, and "Indian Red Boy" (right) was shot too, but just 12 times. I guess they weren't as mad at him. Maybe they were mad about their silly names. I'm not linking back to anything, mostly because I stopped caring about rappers killing each other long ago, but more because there are just too many to even begin listing. I don't even remember them all. Which, I have to imagine, is pretty much what everyone will say..

Catt Sadler Sick NUDES

 A "former E! personality" (oh brother) named Catt Sadler has Covid, and she posted this because she wants you to know, because having covid is like getting a Cub Scout badge for these people. Here's some exciting news... I had Covid. That's right. It's true. I did. I didn't run around telling everybody about it though because who gives a fuck. I was sick, and then I got better, just like what usually happens when you get sick. Godspeed Catt Sadler, I hope you survive your sniffles, sore throat and occasional weird cough. I had a fever too, so watch out for that. I also watched a movie called "The Heat" with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy, while I was laying on the couch which I can tell you, was way way WAY worse than actually having Covid. In fact I'm sure it made things worse.

JADA PINKETT SMITH NUDE head

 Jada Pinkett Smith shaved her head because in her words it was "time to let go". Whatever the hell that means. I don't know, I don't have feelings about this one way or the other, frankly I kind of like girls with shaved heads. I think it makes them kind of cool. Still, she kind of looks like a sexy robot now, which is kind of weird, but still okay.

RYAN GIGGS EXCLUSIVE!!

 

RYAN GIGGS WENT SWIMMING WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND ZARA SOMETHINGOROTHER! This story is so exclusive, no one knows who the Hell they're even talking about

Here are some actual quotes from the story

1. Ditching her bikini top, the blonde was seen confidently making her way into the sea in a pair of striped bikini briefs.

 2. The lingerie model was later joined by a shirtless Ryan, who was sporting navy swim shorts and goggles across his forehead. 

3. It was previously reported that Zara was stopped by airport staff as she hadn't been wearing a mask.

I want you to remember the next time you think about how much smarter everyone is in Europe, that this is considered BIG EXCLUSIVE NEWS to them.

You People Never Cease to Amaze ME

 A library in England hired a person wearing a rainbow costume and a strap on dildo to stand around and encourage children to read, and I guess you're all okay with this because apparently you're all a bunch of fucking inbred morons. It's really unreal.

BELLA THORNE BOOBS

 Bella Thorne gets written about constantly, but I'm not sure why. I think people think she's the only woman on the planet with a set of tits. She used to be described as an actress, then she was a model, now she's an "internet personality". Watching her career slide over the last four years has been worth it I guess. How many times can you read stories about a desperate 20 something posting pictures of the bottom half  of her boobs on Instagram. It's not exactly like she invented that, I probably see it 50 times a day and I follow nothing but cute animal accounts over there..

MEGAN FOX NUDE LESBIAN ADRIANA LIMA LESBIAN INSTAGRAM

 Megan Fox (Left?) and Adriana Lima (right? I think?) hinted at lesbianism because neither one really gets talked about anymore and it's a cheap, and easy way for attractive, middle aged white women to get attention on social media

'@meganfox if you ever need a body double in one of your movies, hit me up,

 said Adriana  (ED: I think)

 'My only request is... We share the same makeup artist @patrickta.' he's a make up artist. 

Megan (I think) of course replied... 

But what if I need a girlfriend...can I hit you up for that as well? Patrick can still be involved somehow. He can do our makeup when I take you to Nobu.'

 And that's all she wrote, the replies were off to the races. Filled  - I'm sure -  with every pathetic internet loser you could possibly imagine, and Megan and Adriana got the attention they needed for probably about three hours. 

You can find hotter lesbians almost anywhere on the internet, you people do know this right? I can't even tell these two apart. It looks like they've both fallen down the middle aged male rabbit hole of jet black hair and a Ford Raptor pick up. All they need now is a goatee and wrap around sunglasses.

Jesse J Washes Up

 Jesse J was on a beach. Remember Jesse J? She had a hit song 10 years ago called Price Tag where she sang with what these days, some might call a super racist exaggerated patois accent that a person as white as she is probably wouldn't get away with now. Although she probably could who knows. Anyone that buys music like that isn't very bright. People stay famous in Europe way, way, way too long. Price Tag was released in 2011 - do you remember 2011? It was a lifetime ago.  And they're still writing about her. It's bizarre.  It was a catchy enough song I guess but c'mon. Anyway she was with her boyfriend "Max" (inset) who she probably met while they were bangin' with the vatos or something. Good luck you two. Have fun visiting the cemetery.

David Hasselhoff Invades Spain

 David Hasselhoff was at a casino in Spain being David Hasselhoff. That's pretty much the only reason as far as I can see, they didn't say he was performing or anything. I was going to say he's probably there blowing wads of cash because he has more money than God but he only has $10 million dollars. I say "only" because the guy has been on TV almost since the Vietnam war, plus he has that musical career in Germany. Or had. I don't even remember when that was. The 80s? The 90s? Tastes change and the Germans certainly know what they're doing, you can always trust their judgement.

Camila Cabello Takes a Walk

 Camila Cabello went for a hike with her boyfriend Howdy Doody and showed off her baby bump. What? Oh. She isn't pregnant? Whoops haha sorry Camila. I guess that's why they called her "curvy". Sorry, I didn't look at the list of internet code words before I wrote this.

Bye Nicole Scherzinger Nude

 I just added Nicole Scherzinger to the never write about again list. This is all she does. She goes to lakes and beaches and lays around in a bikini. There are only so many ways I can talk about your tits, Nicole. Boring woman.

Demi Moore in a Swimsuit

 Demi Moore sells swimsuits now so she put one on. So these are the pictures Hollywood doesn't want you to see, and frankly, who could blame them.

Jennifer Aniston is an Enigma

Did you know Jennifer Aniston dated Adam Duritz from Counting Crows? I sure didn't. You're not doing a whole lot to win me back Jen, I can tell you that much.
 

Crown Princess Mary of Denmark Rules

 I'm writing about Crown Princess Mary of Denmark again. She was watching some sporting event with two guys (no picture available), and by the looks of it, they - or rather she - was watching soccer. I'm sure she doesn't care about soccer. Just look at her. I don't know if she's married or what. Does it matter? Not to me, and I don't care if she doesn't. So hopefully she's a little lax on the rules too. Man alive.

Gwen Stefani Got Married

 Gwen Stefani married Blake Sheldon, or whatever his name is. Do you think they'll go fishin' for their honeymoon?  I have to admit, I like the white fishnets/stiletto boots combo thing even though I'm not one of those "chicks in wedding dresses" guys. You know, like cheerleaders, Wonder Woman and nuns and all that. You know what I mean? Of course you do don't play coy with me you little minx. I mean whatever is fine don't get me wrong, I'm pretty much game for anything. My only rules are, no other dudes, no animals, no minors, and no permanent scars.