Ryan Reynolds Makes a Donation

Ryan Reynolds and his wife.... Mrs Ryan Reynolds donated $400,000 to four different hospitals in New York City. I'm not sure exactly where those donations are going as that isn't made entirely - or at all - clear, and I'm not the FBI so if you want to know, I'm pretty sure you have the internet maybe look for yourself.

'I think in times of crisis, we all know it's the celebrities that we count on most. They're the ones who are gonna help us get through this. 

'Right after healthcare workers, of course... first responders, people who work in essential services, pingpong players, mannequins, childhood imaginary friends, like 400 other types of people.

He concluded: 'Look, stay at home, practice social distancing, wash your hands. We are gonna get through this thing together.'

I know he thinks he's cute but good for him. On the other hand, he has a personal net worth estimated to be somewhere around $75 million dollars so let's be honest, he should be donating money to hospitals. Especially since every nickel of that is tax deductible, so some accountant somewhere told him, "Look you can give this $400k to a hospital, or to the government, what's it going to be. What will get you the most press." And voila.  It's probably not even enough money to pay for the annual maintenance on just one of his houses. And all just for doing nothing but showing girls his abs And even at just 3% interest on $75 million, that $400,000 will be recouped in a matter of months. . So how about we stop calling these people heroes.

Suzanne Somers Likes Being Naked

Suzanne Somers said she wants to be in Playboy now that she's 75 years old.

'I would like to have Playboy – I would like Annie Leibovitz to shoot me nude for Playboy for my 75th birthday, OK? That’s now on record.'

Somers has already appeared in Playboy two times: first in 1980 when she was 34-years-old, and again in 1984 when she was 38.

I thought Playboy stopped being Playboy. I also had no idea Suzanne Somers was already in Playboy. Twice. Shows what I know. Meh I was always a Janet Wood guy. Not Perm Janet Wood but definitely disco dress Janet Wood.  Give me a call Janet. Not if you have a perm though.

Ashley Roberts Does This

Ashley Roberts - I think she's in the Pussycat Dolls - posted a picture on her Instagram (left). I suppose probably because she's stuck inside and can't go to any kind of bar or nightclub and get shit faced wasted, and wind up in a gutter at 3 am. There was another picture included with this magical update that included her and Amanda Holden in the iHeart Radio studio? I think? I've mentioned Amanda Holden before. here, and here.  And believe it or not it's the second picture in this series that caught my attention. And I wrote this mostly to say that, if I saw these two women out anywhere, I would avoid them like they were covered in poison tipped razor blades. If you don't know why, you're 24 years old or younger. It's sort of an instinct you develop over time, you're just going to have to trust me on this. I'm here to help you, let my experience be your guide. Just imagine me as a good looking Yoda.

HOW are you Vogues Williams

Vogue Williams was out walking around, shopping and vogueing. I don't know what she was shopping for, but judging by how she's dressed I'd guess probably big turquoise jewelry and a dream catcher.

It's a Magical Day

So what they're saying is isolation and quarantines don't work, because if you take a quick drive through Chicago there isn't a soul on the street, and it's been like that for a couple of weeks now, so how is everyone getting it?

Kerry Katona is an Idiot

Kerry Katona is a British celebrity (so a nobody) and she was worried her giant 18 year old daughter Molly McFadden had Coronavirus, so her baffling solution was to run to an Instagram doctor named Dr. Ranj, who is apparently most notable for his humongous eyebrows and product filled hair styles. This whole story is frighteningly true and it's just so terrifying that I had to read it a couple of times to make sure someone wasn't just fucking with me. Are you people for real? I'm not linking anything here because this whole thing is starting to make me sick,  so if you want to learn more you are on your own. I just honestly don't know what else to say,  I'm literally speechless.

Neil Finn is Surprising

Crowded House singer Neil Finn bought a $7 million dollar house in California. Uummm...What? Why does the guy from Crowded House have $7 million dollars to spend on a house. I bet this is one of those false news stories put out by his management company to make their client look more successful than he is. I have some questions. Do you know how much money you have to have to buy a $7 million dollar house? I don't either but it's a lot. You don't mortgage something like that, you write a check. Has anybody thought about Crowded House since 1989? No. They haven't. Why does the guy from Crowded House still have a management company? I don't know either. So many questions need to be answered but our time is very, very limited on Earth and I can't sit here all day talking about a band that I thought stopped existing 30 years ago

Happy Birthday Mariah Carey

Happy 50th birthday Mariah Carey! The story where I learned it was her 50th birthday was filled with mostly 25 year old pictures of her, and even the one you see above is 21 years old, but that's pretty much the most recent one they had, so who knows if she's even still alive. For all we know she looks like Andre the Giant now, or has a second head growing out of her back. I've heard that starts happening to some women in their 40s and 50s. That must be rough.

Emergency Jenni Falconer Post

Jenni Falconer went for a run to help her stay fit and I dare say it's working. She's really cute isn't she? Everyone seems to be age obsessed so she's 44. There, happy now? She's a TV person in Scotland or something and she's super cute as Hell, and being from Scotland I bet she has an accent that would melt lead. Plus her last name is pretty bitchin' too. Seriously, what more could you ask for? A super fit blonde with the word "falcon" in her name? C'mon man it's like a dream come true. I admit I love those warm sunshiny days when you can jump in your car and drive to the running park and slink down real low in the seat, pull your hat down over your eyes  and just watch the cute girls all walk and jog past. Not in a weird way or anything. It's just kind of like a fun hobby with your camera.

Chrissy Teigen is on TV Again

Chrissy Teigen has a new TV show called Chrissy's Court and I'd rather walk across 150 yards of broken glass mixed with salt and Lego pieces than sit through even five minutes of this flaming garbage dump of a show. I can't for the life of me figure out what it is about this horrible woman that makes people want to put her on television. She must have some pretty compromising pictures of some very powerful people.

Bob Dylan is Timely

78 year old Bob Dylan mumbled through the first song he's released in eight years, and it's about the assassination of President John F Kennedy. Of course it's entirely possible that Bob Dylan and the people that listen to him think it's still 1963.

"Greetings to my fans and followers with gratitude for all your support and loyalty over the years," said the Pulitzer and Nobel Prize winner in a statement.

"This is an unreleased song we recorded a while back that you might find interesting. Stay safe, stay observant, and may God be with you."

  Maybe we can dig up Eugene Batchelder and he can sing about Abraham Lincoln.

Ramona Singer is Shocking

Ramona Singer is on The Real Housewives of New York (?) Most of the "Real Housewives" are seemingly only famous because of who they were married too, and not because they've actually done anything notable. Except for her, I didn't read the story to figure out who she married, and then subsequently divorced because in case you're new here, I don't care. I mostly use this to talk about girls I like.  The reason I say "except for her" is because she's 63 years old and makes Christie Brinkley look like a wrinkled up old hag. And that's more than enough reason to make her "famous" as far as I'm concerned. I'm actually shocked. She easily looks 45 as most of the tell tale signs are missing which is usually a sure give away. I'm not going to go into all of those right now (hands, feet, ankles, neck) because all of that is for you to learn on your own. I'm not your goddamn sensei.

Chelsee Healey is Somebody?

D-List, nobody, and moron, "Chelsee" Healey tried on lingerie, then took pictures during her quarantine. I'd imagine she used the timer on her phone's camera because I assume her life is completely empty of real friends, and totally devoid of almost any meaning beyond her pursuit of fame and "bling" (I assume of course that she still says "bling"). And her little gimmick worked too, because look! I wrote about her. I won't remember who she is 20 minutes from now but fame is fleeting like that. I wrote this mostly because I'm an idiot that likes naked, or nearly naked girls, so what's your excuse for reading this? None. You don't have one do you. Pervert.


!!!!UPDATE!!!! I forgot to include her Instagram link. Well here it is if you want it. I'm not sure why you'd want to waste that much of your life looking at it but I'm not your boss.

Kylie Jenner is Noticeable

I noticed Kylie Jenner today. Weird right? I can't really put my finger on why I noticed her, I was just surfing the internet - as you kids say - looking for something else to write about, so I didn't have to stare at Jim Carrey's stupid fucking face all day, and just like a miracle...there she was. Sometimes things work out like that. She's apparently 22 years old but I'm guessing that's strictly numbers on the calendar because that girl ain't 22 I can promise you that.

Jim Carrey is Hilarious

Jim Carrey is growing a beard for attention. Apparently he's going to do this until "we all go back to work" or something. Sure it's all for laughs and good clean fun when you can stay home for weeks or maybe even months (!) on end, and stare at the television because you have $180 million dollars in the bank and don't have to be worried about getting kicked out of the house you've lived in since 1999 because 51,000 people in a country with a population of 327,000,000 got sick, and everyone decided the best course of action was to literally shut down the entire planet.

 I'm sorry I don't mean to be snippy, but I have yet to receive one letter or email telling me I can skip any of this month's payments on any money I owe, but sure, go ahead, enjoy your little "gag". I'll just be over here deciding whether I want to buy food, or keep my house for another 30 days. At least for this month anyway, because it's likely neither one of those options will be available to me in April.

I have an even funnier idea. How about celebrities shut the fuck up for a while.

Christopher Meloni Go Bragh

This is Christopher Meloni. Judging by the narrow hallway my guess would be he's an ensemble actor on The Walking Dead or something like that. But he decided he wanted to wear a kilt and some socks shirtless, probably to support first responders, and the military and grocery store cashiers or whatever all you wacky kids are up too today. But I did see some abs and I thought, "Hey! Here's one for the ladies!"  So there you go, just like that I improved the content for at least 50% of the nine people that read this asinine blog. Upon closer inspection though, I'm not sure if that's actually a kilt, or a table runner wrapped around his waist. Where do you suppose he found tube socks that long in this day and age?

Down With the Sickness

A couple of dim bulbs in Arizona drank fish tank cleaner in an effort to prevent getting the Coronavirus. Prevent it. They didn't even have it. Now I'm no chemist and frankly, I'm kind of dumb, but even I see the first half of the word CHLORoquine and immediately think of Chlorine. Even if I'm not correct in my assumption, my thought process would be as follows... Chloroquine > Chlorine > Bleach > Do not drink or eat. That whole process would take me about four seconds. And don't forget, they weren't even sick.

 "I saw it sitting on the back shelf and thought, 'Hey, isn't that the stuff they're talking about on TV?'"

The couple — both in their 60s and potentially at higher risk for complications of the virus — decided to mix a small amount of the substance with a liquid and drink it as a way to prevent the coronavirus.

"We were afraid of getting sick," she said.

They're in their 60's. Not 90's. These are people at the tail end of the Baby Boom generation, they grew up basically during the period of time featured in the movie "Dazed and Confused" not the Wild West, and they're supposed to be smarter than this. Well they got sick alright. The husband died. See? This is what happens when you spread panic and fear. Desperately stupid people wind up drinking bleach. It's actually not funny but this is the world we live in today. Maybe it's time to start reigning all of this in before everyone devolves into tribes of screeching, bleach chugging cavemen.

Christy Turlington is a Nerd

Someone took a picture of 51 year old, 90's supermodel Christy Turlington when she wasn't wearing make up and was wearing glasses while she did needlepoint. Needlepoint? What a fucking nerd. It was said she was "unrecognizable" (ugly I guess) but then, I wouldn't have recognized her if she was wearing make up and a t-shirt with I'M CHRISTY TURLINGTON printed on it.  I don't know she looks pretty okay to me. She looks pretty hot actually, with the glasses and the t-shirt and stretch pants...Jesus I really need to talk to a girl. Anyway, you don't have to be David Lee Roth on the cover of Eat 'em and Smile every day you know. It's okay to just be normal once in a while. 

Jennifer Aniston is Cleaning Up

Jen (as in Jennifer Aniston to you dopes), is cleaning out her closets while she's self isolating during the Covid-19 thing. This may come as a shock but I have surprisingly good taste for "a man" and if you want, I can come over and tell you what to keep and what should go, you know,  if you want to try stuff on for me. Good lord she gets better looking every day.

 There is one small problem however. Ellen DeGeneres said she's calling Jen "every 30 minutes" while she's social distancing and I'll be honest it's making me a little nervous. Sometimes people get a little "experimental" later in life and I just don't want anyone interfering with what we have. If it was Kate Beckinsale...okay I get it. And you know, I may even encourage that a little. A sort of behind the scenes thing. I'm sure Ellen is very nice. She seems nice and everything but I'm betting she wants to keep her "gold star", which I'd like to stress is fine with me just quit being so pushy okay Ellen? We can all see right through your little game.

Colton Underwood is a Person

Colton Underwood tested positive for the Coronavirus. "I'm good, I'll be fine" he said. Thank God. I originally thought he was a Country Music person but I guess he's a reality show person? Maybe you can be both. I think part of being diagnosed with Coronavirus is they make you wear the hood on your hoodie up. That's what all the "celebrities" do so I just assume it's doctor's orders. Or at least I thought I saw that, I could be wrong, I'm not the Prescription Fashion Police.

Katy Perry has a Bun in the Oven

 Katy Perry "hid her baby bump" when she went shopping at CVS. She had her dog with her too. I have so much more information about Katy Perry's womb you'd freak out. Orlando Bloom knocked her up, did you know that? Remember Orlando Bloom? I'm 100% positive I've written about him before, but I'm not looking because if I'm going to be totally honest with you, I couldn't possibly care less about any of this.

 I wonder if CVS gave her one of those big receipts everyone always talks about. Do you think she folds it up and puts it in her pocket or is she a receipt bagger? I myself usually say "No thanks I don't need a receipt". It's just one more thing to throw away. Let's see, what else can I talk about to make this more interesting. I'm glad to see middle aged women can wear Uggs? Is that a topic? Remember when only high school kids wore those? What a crazy time to be alive. Okay well I guess I'll be going now.

Caprice Bourret is a Model

Caprice Bourret is a model. I've never heard of her but there she is, modeling around London, doing whatever it is models do. They said she's 48 but I'm not so sure I believe that. In case you're new here, I don't care how old she is, hot is hot, but they mention it so it gives me some extra words to help pad this story.

 The source said she's worried about catching the Coronavirus and to prove it she put on her surgical mask, her stretch pants and half top to show off her abs, and went meditating in a public park. Keep on fighting the good fight mighty warrior. Hey, if there can be an upside to a pandemic, it's given attention seekers what they crave, and mini-authoritarians the chance to push a lot of people around so at least that's something I guess.


!!!!UPDATE!!!! Surprise! She has an Instagram!

Tammy Hembrow Has Class

This is Tammy Hembrow. She's the now ex-girlfriend of Canadian rapper Jahkoy Palmer. That whole sentence made me vomit. Literally vomit. They were saying how she was "showing off her curves" which is gossip/internet speak for fat ass. And wouldn't you know it? There it is. Sticking out like a kite in a tree. There are a lot more pictures of her on her Instagram in case you feel like clicking the link and having your mind shriveled up like a cucumber in the Sun. Go ahead, we're all going to die soon anyway. In case you don't know who she is, she's mostly the "kind of attractive drug addict" you sometimes see being arrested on LivePD.

Clare Crawley is Okay

 Clare Crawley was in her super hot MILF porno dress in New York; "Epicenter for America's Assholes". She looks 44 but she's probably more like 33 (!!! UPDATE!!! She's 38 I looked). She was there looking for people for her show The Bachelor, or The Bachelorette? Because if there's one place you want to look for real winners it's New York City. I think she's the bachelorette and not the actual host, but I don't know how this show works. Do they play bags or shoot BB guns at targets and spell words like Wheel of Fortune?  Honestly I have zero idea.

 I scrolled down a little bit to find out, and immediately saw a bunch of treacle-y shit about taking care of each other, or watching out for others or whatever meaningless garbage you people parrot at each other every day to make yourselves feel better and I immediately stopped reading. So go watch her show I'm sure it's really good, especially if you've had a severe head injury.

Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas are in Jail

In case you guys didn't know, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas are constantly in the celebrity rags. She's an actress from India and he's an idiot from Texas. This week they're self-quarantining, at least according to them and anyone willing to listen to them. Hopefully for the next 36 months. Otherwise I have zero idea why people are constantly talking about these two. Because she's attractive and he isn't? That's certainly a possibility. I dated a girl from India once. R. Singh. I think about her every now and then, and I'll tell you, she was shockingly attractive. Better looking than Priyanka Chopra, I can tell you that much. For real. I have absolutely no idea what she saw in me but sometimes you get those weird anomalies I guess. Like when a peregrine falcon makes friends with a frog or something like you see on The Dodo or Animal Planet. Know what I mean? Whatever, fuck these two who cares.

Christine McGuinness Does This

Christine McGuinness put on her sexiest lingerie and put the picture up as proof on her Instagram.  So if you want to look at pictures of her click over there and scroll around it's pretty much all that's on her account so you'll get an eyeful. No word yet on why she looks like a deer caught in headlights in that picture. It's probably because she's an imbecile, but that's just a guess.

Jennifer Garner is Cute

Jennifer Garner got a phone call. Pretty exciting isn't it? I love girls in jeans and running shoes, it's not a weird fetish or anything I just think they look relaxed and normal. Like you could say "Hey let's go to the zoo" and they could and you wouldn't have to worry about them slowing you down because they're walking around in four inch heels all day.  I don't know how else to explain it. I know it's very weird but the fact that she's dressed like that is probably 99% of the reason why I wrote this, because I don't even remember the last movie she was in, and I guess she probably doesn't have to be in movies anymore because I imagine Capitol One is probably shipping money to her every week in a private armored car. To be fair she was married to Ben Affleck and she'll never live that down, but life is funny like that.

Miley Cyrus is Still Around

Remember when Miley Cyrus spent a year running around with her tongue hanging out? Such carefree days.

Sofia Richie is Bored

Sofia Richie posed for pictures for Frankie's Bikinis because she's 21, mildly attractive, and also a trust fund baby with absolutely nothing better to do. You can tell how young she is because her legs are totally smooth and show no signs of having joints, kind of like the space ship door in The Day the Earth Stood Still. It is a hot picture, I'll give you that, but guys like me love those hot white trash girls like the one's you see holding the stop sign on a road crew that can swig Wild Turkey with one hand, and whip M-80's with the other. Hey don't blame me I'm, not in charge of evolution.

Good Golly Miss Hurley

I know I said I wasn't going to write about Elizabeth Hurley anymore but Jesus Christ. Seriously she's almost not real.  Plus the Covid-19 scare has actually gotten worse. So it was either this, or how two people in New Jersey that died from Covid-19 instead of the 96 that have died so far from car accidents since January in the same state. You might tell me those are apples and oranges, and I'll accept that. But you're far, far more likely to have a person texting on their phone, or a drunk driver cross the double yellow line at 75 miles per hour slam into you head and instantly wipe you off the face of the Earth than you are to die from, or maybe even infect someone else with Covid-19. So by all means, keep buying water and toilet paper. Or you can join me and stare at the supernatural wonder that is Elizabeth Hurley. I know which one I'm doing. HEY! I said stare.

In Space, No One Can Hear You Cough

They have the Coronavirus in space too? Is there anything it can't do?

Daniel Craig Shirtless for the Ladies

Daniel Craig took off his shirt to be interviewed by GQ about his last appearance as James Bond.

 "Well, we destroyed the Bond franchise as thoroughly as we could, but now I think it's time to let someone else have a chance to dance on it's grave. Maybe a gay, black woman should be James Bond for a while."*

 He's holding an old timey phone and I just bet he's waiting for you to call. Hey, he said he wants another baby, maybe you could be the one he's calling. If you're really lucky the kid will have your looks instead of Daniel's clam face.

















*may not have actually said this

Gwyneth Paltrow Gets Deleted

Gwyneth Paltrow deleted a "tone deaf" post about shoes that are $875. Evidently, people think it's in bad taste while the whole Coronavirus thing is happening? I honestly have no idea what one thing has to do with the other, and you have to remember, the people that are freaking out and talking about this being a problem are following Gwyneth Paltrow on Instagram. But I guess it worked she took down the promoted post. I personally can't imagine paying $875 for sneakers but I guess people do. If they didn't, she wouldn't sell them.

  I don't know what people want anyone to do during this whole thing. Are you supposed to sit in a darkened room with your toilet paper, and bottled water and repent for your sins until someone tells you it's okay to go outside again? I guess maybe that's what you're supposed to do, I mean shaming worked on her, she took down the post. As if any on those losers could buy $875 shoes anyway. I don't think every piece of clothing I own adds up to $875. My last three cars cost less than $875 so I don't know who's buying this garbage anyway.

My Corona

No one is talking about anything but the Coronavirus and that's been the case for at least three days. I'll keep looking and hopefully something - anything - else will pop up but I don't have much hope.

  And as an aside, if you think Americans are dumb, you should spend a couple days sifting through the media of the rest of the countries on Earth. Most of the people in some of these places make the Billy Bob Thornton character in Sling Blade look like an award winning neurologist.

Erin Napier Takes a Long Look

Erin Napier walked into a bar and the bartender said "Why the long face?" She's on HGTV or something who knows.



Sorry I don't have anything else prepared and my legs hurt. Check back tomorrow.

Katie Holmes is in a Building. Again.

Katie Holmes is in InStyle magazine. That's where these pictures came from. I wonder if she's still in that building in New York, somebody should check and make sure she has food and water, it's been a long time now. The interview was mostly about her marriage and divorce from Tom Cruise but that was almost 10 years ago who really cares or even remembers that anymore besides them. She's certainly attractive, and she looks like she's very, very nice but I can't for the life of me figure out why people still interview this woman. Just leave her alone already.

Halle Berry is Mad

Halle Berry is distantly related to Sarah Palin and apparently she's not happy about it...

 She may be on the tree but she AINT invited to the cookout

She tweeted that by the way. Whoopdifuckingdoo. Jesus don't you people ever give this shit a rest? This was originally news like 5 years ago why are you bringing it up again? Just to make a bunch of idiots mad? The woman was picked to run for vice president 12 years ago. I can't even remember the last time I thought about Sarah Palin. Unless you count that time I watched that porno (for research) with that actress that was made up to look like her then I guess the last time I thought about her was last Friday. And Saturday. And a couple times on Sunday.

 But carrying around all this bizarre resentment can not be good for you. Seriously, get professional help if you need it.  Try taking a walk every day, or collect stamps, or maybe build model trains. All of those are things that will occupy your hands and mind for a while. It's not her fault that winning an Oscar 18 years ago ruined your career.

Winona Ryder Gets Political

 Winona Ryder was at a screening for her new movie "The Plot Against America" which is set to air on some channel I don't get. Probably Netflix or ShittyMovies+ or one of those things. I guess she's voting for the Big Lebowski in this year's election. I've seen that movie and I have to be honest I don't get it. I couldn't wait for it to be over, what is it that I missed about that movie? Is this one of those movies people pretend to like because it gives them the appearance of being cool or smart? Like A Clockwork Orange? I'm sure it's one of those things where it's probably me that's the problem.

 Anyway, I always thought Winona Ryder was cute blah blah blah... call me yadda yadda... But I don't know, she's starting to develop those crazy woman eyes. That can't be a good omen. She looks like the kind of lady that screams about Russians and how global warming is destroying the ozone layer and plastic straws being a tool of the Devil and winds up in a police chase that ends with her tearing up a bible while holding a knife to her own throat with 20 police guns aimed at her, and a picture of her in jail under a 5150 lockup.  You know what Winona? I really don't need those kinds of problems in my life right now.

Natalie Maines is a Hero

People are interviewing Natalie Maines again. I wish they wouldn't, but this is the world we live in now. It's big BIG news that the Dixie Chicks have a new album coming out and I'm sure in this day and age she's going to be turned into some kind of  LIONESS TRUTH TELLER by people that were still in diapers when she opened her big fat mouth and basically nuked  her band and entire career.  I don't even know if they're still going to be considered a country act anymore. "Country" music today is barely country or at least country music as most people recognize it.

 As it is, some record company puts some Instagram model in cowboy boots, has some guy from New York write a couple of songs about pick up trucks and corn fields and viola. So my guess is it will be very, very borderline country and will most likely nose dive straight into the has-been, retro nostalgia act toilet. But who can tell, this may be the greatest country album since Johnny Cash played Folsom Prison. Me? I don't really care either way to be honest, just like I imagine most of the country that has long ago moved on.

The Pussycat Dolls are Talentless

The Pussycat Dolls played to a group of 10 disinterested men. They're kind of like a doughy third tier stripper no one is paying attention too while they try score drugs from the bartender. Ten people. That's the crowd. One of the most famous (?) groups in the UK playing outside - for free - drew 10 people. There was another picture that had people walking by but they don't count. I guess it was for some morning show on Channel 7? I don't know how TV works in the UK. I think they have the BBC1 and BBC2 and like one other thing? They also have weird electrical outlets over there with like four or five plug holes.Why? Do they have extra energy over there? Wow Socialism is magical.

 Anyway, the whole, original point of this story was that parents were outraged because of their "raunchy performance" and their kids saw it. But HELLO. Being half naked and rolling around on the ground is what they do. It's all they do, I don't know if they actually do anything else. If they could, they wouldn't be half naked.  Why in the world are you surprised? Boy you people really are dumb, you know that?

Heidi Klum is Just a Normal Girl

Heidi Klum was photographed with her "rocker" husband - Tokio Hotel? - I guess they're rockers, if you call that rock. It's nice to see Heidi Klum is just a normal middle-aged woman though. Do you know how you can tell? You can tell by the way she wears a t-shirt, jeans and sexy boots when she goes to see a shitty band in what's basically a bar.

Chris Hemsworth is on the Beach

Chris Hemsworth went surfing then did yoga on the beach by himself without his "wife". I still have no idea why people - especially celebrities - do yoga by themselves in public. He's not even wearing earbuds or anything so he's just doing yoga dry. Don't you think that's weird? No word yet on whether or not he took his shirt off, but if I was a betting man, my money would be on "yes he did".

Dakota Johnson is Cooler Than I Thought

Dakota Johnson was out doing stuff and walking around in her distressed Notorious BIG t-shirt. Hey, they're starting to catch on. Instead of sending some beaten down, underpaid assistant to JCPenney to by a "rock and or roll shirt"off that $20  ironic t-shirt table, so they can look (sort of) cool in these staged photos, they give a new shirt to some Hollywood wardrobe person and make it look old so it looks like they've been hip for a long time. I could be wrong, maybe the second whitest girl on planet Earth named Dakota is walking around L.A. in a Notorious BIG shirt. A guy that was shot to death in 1997, when she was seven years old and still thought humans were one piece round bodies with stick arms and legs.  Maybe she really is cooler than me. I seriously doubt it though .

Life Goes On

This woman blocked me on Twitter and I have to be honest, I feel like I may have dodged a bullet here.

Seth Rogen is Less Schlubby

Santa Claus is single and ready to mingle! I'm kidding that's actually Seth Rogen and he was at the "92Y Something Something Gallery/Theater or Whatever for the Whatever Everyone is Upset About or Dying From Today Show" or wherever these New York assholes all go when they have spare time. He was there with his wife or girlfriend or whatever she is. Sorry I closed the tab already and I stopped caring immediately after I typed the words "Santa Claus".

A Faye Brooks Sunday

Faye Brooks went to the beach but stayed out of the water as is the custom with these things. She's cute as hell, and I bet she's really small too. Like 5'1. Almost like a living My Sized Barbie. She's personal trainer Joe Davies' girlfriend, but not for long if you ask me. Have you seen that guy? What a tool bag. Sorry there are no known pictures of him so you're just going to have to trust me. Hey Faye, when you guys break up in a couple of weeks give me a call. Bring your abs.