Iggy Azalea is Upset

 

Iggy Azalea said something about her "baby daddy" 

'A baby is not a pawn!! Shall I continue?' and  'It's the lying to me for no reason that upsets me.' also 'manipulated me via my own child and has had full access to his child since birth.'

I'm nearly certain this all took place on a social media app so you could follow along. Jesus Christ I don't know what the fuck she's talking about and I don't care. Something about how he cheated on her or something? I honestly don't know what you expect when you sleep with someone that calls himself "Playboi Carti". 

This isn't rocket science people. That guy probably doesn't know how to pay a cellphone bill, you think he's going to help you take care of a baby?

Alessandra Ambrosio is Daring

 Alessandra Ambrosio debuted her new swimwear line "Annabelle's of Auschwitz" to rave reviews. You know, I'm sure she's very nice and I also know she's probably very wealthy by this time, but she'll be 40 in a few months, is this what you want to do with the last half (at most) of your life? Stand around by pools and have your picture taken? Stand around alone in a park and have your picture taken? Have your picture taken pretending to decorate a Christmas tree? Isn't this all ridiculous? You don't have to change completely, but shouldn't you at least evolve a little? 

To be fair, I don't spend my afternoons following up on Alessandra Ambrosio's life, so she might spend her off time rescuing abused horses, or maybe she works with poor kids from Central America that were born with cleft palates, but do either of those things seem likely to you? I don't know man, maybe I'm just sick of "celebrity culture" and all of the bullshit that goes along with it. I've spent the better part of at least the last 15 years writing about these people on various websites and nothing ever changes. 

There's a cycle to all of this. Every 10 or 15 years someone new becomes cognizant of life outside the nursery and discovers Alessandra Ambrosio. It's kind of like a 13 year old finding his grandparent's Led Zeppelin albums. You're bored with it after 30 or whatever years, but to them it's groundbreaking, and you have to hear it all over again. So sure you've seen her a million times, and she's just some Victoria's Secret model in a bikini that you mostly ignore, but to some senior in high school, she's a hot "new" (I guess)  model. So it all starts again. By the way, I say "her" but you can replace Alessandra with anyone else you want, pick a famous person. And "they" know it. They know how this works. So they milk it, and I guess I can't blame them for that. I don't know I've been talking a long time about finding something else to occupy my time, and it's not like I get paid for this, so maybe I should start getting serious about that.

Cardi B. License to Do Nothing

 Cardi B doesn't have a driver's license. I just thought that it was weird that an adult human in America in 2020 (soon 2021) doesn't have a driver's license. Maybe because she's from New Yawk (I think) and they take a train everywhere. Or a taxi. I can see her jumping into a car with a hard bitten, seen-it-all cabbie saying something like, "I'm being followed can you lose them" and he says, "I sure can bub", or maybe "GET ME TO THE TRAIN FAST" and the cab driver floors it for six feet and they're stuck in traffic so she gets out and runs, her fingernails flapping in the wind for 11 feet before she's stuck in a human traffic jam on the sidewalk. Just go get your license you can't drive your hoop earrings everywhere.

Alexandra Burke has Talent

 Alexandra Burke is a "singer" and the former "girlfriend" of a "footballer" named Angus (of course). Have you ever seen anyone more Angus than that? She has a new fashion line (sure why not) called, "Look at my Tits".  The empty stare proves it'll be a hit with the young kids of today.

 I tried to warn you about these D-List assholes being everywhere during this week but you wouldn't listen, and so this is what you get.

Happy Birthday Kaley Cuoco's Husband

 It was Kaley Cuoco's husband Karl Cook's birthday on Christmas Day. Normally I wouldn't write about a non-famous spouse as they didn't exactly ask for the attention outright, but just look at that fucking nerd. What a nerd. What was he doing, brewing up some patchouli oil? Maybe tie-dying a shirt in the sink? Are you planning on following what's left of the Grateful Dead around? Fucking loser. I guarantee 100% if you got stuck talking to that guy at a party you'd have to hear about communism. Or at the very least Socialism. And probably while he's wearing an $11,000 watch his "wife" gave him for his birthday.

Demi Rose is Like a Scientist

 F-List super star Demi Rose put on some lingerie and had her picture taken while she was in Ibiza, Spain, although why she did this I'm not sure. She doesn't appear to be selling anything, and girls with big tits in lingerie are a dime a dozen on the internet these days. 

All I know about her is she briefly dated some rapper (Name unknown), who is probably long dead by now, and she has big tits. And as far as I can tell that's pretty much it. I don't think she's even made a sex tape. Although, let's face it,  it probably wouldn't hurt her "career" at all. Extra points if it's with another girl.

The only place I ever see her mentioned is on The Daily Mail which is kind of like a slag heap for wannabe famous people in the US/UK. Still, I suppose if you could get just 10% of the population in the UK to give you a dollar, it adds up to about $6.5 million dollars a year so I guess that makes her some kind of a big-titted genius. Good luck with that.

Amber Turner Walks on Sand

 Amber Turner, another British reality show bimbo went to the beach and tried to not get wet. British people seem to spend a lot of time in Dubai, I wonder what the deal is. Cheap flights? Ease of access? Greece too. Maybe it's the British equivalent of going to Florida or something. "Jump in the car kids we're going to the place that commits war crimes and violates everyone's human rights! But don't worry it's warm!"

 I hate to break this to you but I'm going to lean pretty heavily into this kind of thing for the next probably week or 10 days because the week between Christmas and the New Year is prime time for these nitwits to get their pictures published everywhere because the real celebrities are doing other things. Like visiting their families or Satan or whoever else made their careers possible. So you're going to get a lot of pictures of blonde tits, mostly near, but never actually in water.

Jennifer Lopez is a Wide Load

 Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez were out picking up his car after he had an extra wide passenger seat professionally reinforced and installed so Jennifer could sit more comfortably in it while they were out doing whatever it is they do. I'm kidding of course. I kid because I love.

Site Update

 I wrote some stuff but I may just hang on to it until Monday I haven't really decided. This is the desert week though between Christmas and New Year's Eve when no one does anything so it may benefit me to hold on to them for a day or two. God Elsa Pataky is hard to even look at. It's like staring at an eclipse or something.

A Tall Christmas Story

 "A Christmas Story" couldn't be made today. Seriously. I've been watching this 1983 classic all night and day and in it there are... 

...Young kids walking to school by themselves - in the cold no less. Bullies bullying, Santa Claus, a kid being pushed down a slide against his will, virtually everyone in the movie is white, a stay at home mother, a father that swears in front of his kids, a kid being afraid that his dad is "going to kill him" because he was -gasp- fighting... can you imagine the scene in the Chinese restaurant being filmed today? And ultimately, a kid being handed a gun for a Christmas present. 

Can you imagine any of that in 2020? Even 2015 or 2010? No way. No fucking way. All the usual people would be crying like a baby that hadn't had his diaper changed in three days. And for some reason, people actually listen to these lunatics, although I have no idea why. But it's too late. The movie is already made. And it's showed dozens of times on television every year. So at least someone out there still has some guts, although frankly I'm surprised it hasn't been called out yet, but believe me, I'm sure that's coming soon enough.

Vanessa Hudgens is Adorable

 Vanessa Hudgens posted this picture and I was going to say I've been wrong this whole time and look how cute she is, but as I read a little further it turns out it's a "throw back" picture and God only knows how old she is here. If that picture was taken in 2004 that means she would be 16 so I'm not saying anything anymore despite the fact that she's 32 years old now and well on her way to middle age. Listen, I don't need those headaches in my life. If you want to say anything more you, my friend, are on your own.

Hugh Jackman is Jacked

 Hugh Jackman decided to show the youngsters what for and took off his shirt to reveal he wears a sweater everywhere he goes. I only wrote this because I feel I never write enough for the two women that occasionally, accidentally find themselves here, as I know very little about Hugh Jackman. He was in some superhero movies and that's about all I know. Also I think he's from Australia. Or Austria. 

 That "beach" looks awful. Look... it's all rocks and pebbles. Probably broken glass and those old pull tabs like they used to have on beer cans and pudding cups too. Small wonder he's still wearing his shoes, I probably wouldn't go there without wearing a hazmat suit but I guess he's the superhero.

Kayleigh Morris is Somebody

 Kayleigh Morris went to Cyprus and walked on the beach, desperately trying to not get her hair and make up wet. The place she rented her bikini from also asked her to return it in "like new condition" so she had to be extra careful. She's one of those people I've heard about that bounces from reality show to reality show, which, believe it or not, people still apparently watch. You know, things like Big Brother and...whatever else, I have no idea. Reality shows are still a big thing in England because they have no real celebrity culture there so they just pick big boobed, whorey, barflies that would otherwise be passed out in the gutter at 4 am in high heels and a miniskirt to worship. Can you believe these are the same people that stood alone against Hitler?

 She's been on two or three of these reality show things. One called "Ex on the Beach" another one that was on MTV called, "The Challenge: Vendettas", and weirdly, a couple of other things. Don't you think that's weird? I think that's very weird, that reality television programs could be a kind of a career.  It's still shocking to me that someone would so desperately want to be famous that they decide "Reality Show Extra" is the career path they choose in life. I suppose if your only talent is "tits" then well okay. I mean not everyone can be a neurologist. Can you tell I'm really trying to pad this story? Hell I don't even know where Cyprus is. Probably Greece. Or maybe it's just a made up place. Um, what else, I like her boobs?  Maybe someone could give her boobs a reality show. They could call it "TITS A POPPIN'!" I'd watch it.

Tom Girardi is a Ladies Man

That fat, disgusting, wrinkled up old lawyer named Tom Girardi, was banging a shockingly hot  federal judge named Tricia A. Bigelow (top two photos on the right), while he was married to some bimbo named Erika Jayne (bottom photo on the right) and this makes me fucking sick to my stomach, I can't imagine what they saw in him besides piles, and piles of money, so I don't want to hear any more of this bullshit about how women are somehow superior while they're out debasing themselves by having sex with Daddy Yoda up there so they can go buy expensive shoes. And if you're as hot as they are and you're fucking that gross old man in the Joker suit don't tell me it's because he's an outdoorsy type that enjoys hiking in the mountains and spends his free time  rescuing animals. It's for money. End of story.

Now I don't remember why I even decided to write about these horrible people. I'm sure it was because they did something gross..

Alicia Silverstone is Kooky

 Alicia Silverstone gave birth to the perfect human specimen. A Superman if you will. Her son Bear...

 This is a child who is plant based. To never have needed antibiotics in nine years and to never have needed any kind of medical intervention. Most kids have so many ear infections, they're taking medicine all the time. This is a kid who's been [sick] twice in his life. Twice. For, like, a few hours. 

...Mommy I don't feel good. I'm going to lay down." In his whole life, twice. He can get a snot nose, but he's still climbing trees

He's not climbing trees, he's communicating with them. Read that again if you have to. The part where she said her child is "plant based" and not carbon based like all other human beings. I bet if you chop off his arm it'll grow back once he's exposed to the Sun's ultraviolet rays. I hope he uses his powers for good and not for evil like Anton Arcane in The Swamp Thing. It'd be terrifying to have a nine year old evil genius running the planet.

Maren Morris Hides in Her Closet

 Maren Morris is cancelling her 2021 tour because of Covid, in case you had plans to go see her in concert. Although why you'd do that is really none of my business...

'Hi Darlings, there is so much hope with this vaccine being distributed in 2021, but we are still unsure of when we will be able to do the tour next year. 

With the prospect of, yet again, rescheduling half of the dates already becoming a reality, I have decided to cancel the RSVP tour,' the singer explained before adding that customers with tickets will receive 'a full refund from the point of purchase.

'I am in the midst of working on my third record, so I hope we all can come together and enjoy live shows safely again soon.'

'Love you so much, M,'

Whatever. I wouldn't know Maren Morris if she showed up to play a concert in my garage, so she can cancel this because of Covid or for fear of flaming monkey attacks for all I give a shit. Based on the fact that she's from Texas I assume she's a country singer so I'd guess it's a lot of songs about being a strong independent woman, what kind of house she wants (one with a picket fence and a lot of room for kids), and trying to get her rodeo boyfriend to quit drinking or whatever it is they do. See you in 2021 Maren. Or more likely, not.

Irina Skayk is not Salma Hayek

 

Irina Shayk built a snowman. Good job, it looks like a seven year old did that. What, don't they have snow in Russia to practice with commie? I'm annoyed because when I saw this I thought it said Salma Hayek so I saved the picture and was going to write some classy shit to my true love and instead I get this terrible snowman that looks like it was built by my friend Rob that drove his motorcycle into a toll booth gate at 75 mph. Thanks a lot.

Jennifer Lopez is Buzzing

 Jennifer Lopez is a 19th century bee keeper now. Hey whatever keeps her from making more movies.

Tom Cruise is Dating

 Tom Cruise has a new girlfriend. I guess she's his co-star in the tentatively titled, "Mission Impossible 7: We Wanted to See if You'd Pay to Watch the Same Movie Seven Times". I can't imagine what he sees in her. I can tell just by looking at her she's at least as loony as Tom is. She may be super cool as a friend, or maybe she's really good pool player who knows, but don't be fooled. Once again I'd like to point out that it's always in the eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and it's true. Just study that picture up there. It isn't a 100% for sure guide, and it certainly isn't everyone, but it's a good baseline to work from. Look, you can rely on my years of experience, or you can wake up one day to 468 text messages that came overnight, and have all of your tires slashed, and windows broken, it's totally up to you.

Not Jennifer Aniston Now Too

 So they've gotten to you too, huh Jen. Okay, I guess that's just how these things go sometimes. I have to admit, it's going to be tough to get over this but I'll try. I guess. You know, I've never seen Elsa Pataky wearing a face shield. I'm not saying anything, it's just an observation, that's all.

Farrah Makadooby Doo

 Amir Kahn's Wife Faryal Makadoo lost her sense of taste and then traveled blah blah covid blah blah blah covidy blah blah. Did she check in her lips or eyebrows? Maybe it went there. I have no idea if I spelled either one of these imbeciles name's correctly and I'm not looking to make sure. Jesus. The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it. It's probably better if you don't have a sense of smell or taste in Dubai anyway. Just saying.

President Biden

 Now that Joe Biden is president he can legally steal your children if they're bad.

Jessy Nelson Retires or Something

 I've written about Jessy Nelson before but I don't feel so good so I'm not looking for anything to link back to. Trust me I know it's around here somewhere. She's quitting some group called "Little Minx" or maybe it's "LI'L Minx" I didn't look, and I don't know or care. I hope she enjoys her new career as a blow up sex doll or whatever she's doing. I can't imagine somebody from a girl group in England has made enough money to retire at age 29 but you never know I guess. They have lots of  super rich and famous people over there that you've never heard of. It's so weird to me but I still love my British friends even though their celebrities are substandard. Just look at their "famous" people, they aren't even as good as the Kardashians if you can believe that.

Gwen Stefani is Trouble

 I saved this picture of Gwen Stefani a few days ago and then forgot about it so I have no information that I remember beyond what you see. I was most likely going to comment on the fact that if your girlfriend has golden boots, you need to start running because there is nothing but misery in your future, but I think I'll start keeping that information to myself as it's become readily apparent that you people only learn things the hard way

Georgina Rodriguez is Somebody

 Cristiano Ronaldo's girlfriend Georgina Rodriguez posed near a Christmas tree in lingerie and posted it on Instagram. That's what people do these days don't you know. Maybe she's trying to make a name for herself and be known for something besides being a soccer player from Gabon's (or wherever the fuck he lives) girlfriend. I think this is a great plan because there are no other women posting pictures of themselves wearing underwear on Instagram. Adding the Christmas tree was genius. She'll be a real stand out.

Jaime King and Sennett Devermont are Dumb. Somebodies.

Jaime King and Sennett Devermont were outside walking around wearing masks because they're a couple of dimwitted, numbskulls. I don't know who they are as I've never heard of either of them before 7:43am on Sunday the 13th of December 2020, but apparently the fact that they're walking to Target is a news story worth reporting. 

 

 Mostly it was about what they were wearing, which, quite frankly doesn't look all that remarkable to me. To be honest, it looks like they mugged a couple of guys on Skid Row but my clothes aren't any better so who am I to criticize.  No mention of why they felt the need to wear masks while they were walking around outside by themselves, it's probably because like I mentioned before, they're really stupid, but then, there's plenty of that going around these days.

Elsa Pataky Surfs in the Gene Pool

 Elsa Pataky went to the beach. Her dumb kids are around there somewhere I think, but not her "husband".  Who knows where that guy is. Maybe running around pretending he's Wolverine or whatever, who really cares. Good God she's supernatural. I love you Elsa. That whole thing with Jen was just a mistake you know? I swear it'll never happen again.

Cici Coleman is the Winner

 I just learned Cici Coleman exists. I just thought I'd mention that and say this is going to be the full extent of this post. Beside the fact that posting this flushes that last turd down a step so I don't have to look at her disgusting face anymore and trust me, I'd rather look at Cici Coleman

Kris Jenner is a Disgusting Pig

 

Disgusting pig of a human, Kris Jenner, spent $400,000 to buy the first 2021 Rolls Royce Ghost. Imagine being proud of yourself for buying this overpriced ghetto cruiser, AND showing it off while at least half of the country is waiting in food lines and sitting in the dark because they had their utilities turned off after they lost their jobs and quite possibly their homes because you cowards got tricked into shutting everything down so you'd get the president you (thought) you wanted. Good job everyone. 

At least buy this tacky thing and then show your friends (if you have any, which I doubt) and then keep it to yourself for a while you awful piece of shit.

You know, I've been thinking, as bad as you might think these people are in real life, I bet they're actually even worse than that. I needed this story as a kind of bookmark so when the civil war starts, I'll know who to eat first. And trust me, when that time comes, your car won't help you.

Caprice is Married?

 I haven't written about Caprice in a while. Mostly because I'd never heard of her before March. So there she is. Slithering around for attention by going out to dinner with her "husband". That's him walking three paces behind her. Carrying her bags. I hope she gives you a tip big guy, because she sure isn't going to have sex with you, you spineless shit for brains. She has someone else for that job.

Lizzo has Clarity

 Lizzo said she's having negative thoughts about her body. Congratulations that makes two of us.

Lisa Montgomery Faces the Music

 Lisa Montgomery doesn't want to be put to death at a men's prison because being moved there will cause her to have a "catastrophic psychiatric breakdown"...

Lisa Montgomery, 52, is currently scheduled to be executed by lethal injection on January 12 at the all-male federal prison FCC Terre Haute, the only federal facility that currently conducts executions.

 She was sentenced to death for the depraved 2004 murder of Bobbie Jo Stinnett in Missouri, after she strangled the 23-year-old and cut her baby out of her womb with a carving knife, before running off with the premature child.

Hey if it makes her feel any better, her "psychiatric breakdown" won't affect her after January 12th. 

Jewl Celebrates a Milestone

 People are talking about Jewel again. Mostly because she still looks good and she's - !!GASP!! - 46 years old. And she does look good, although I have to be honest, I can see the whole "Thinks She's a Witch and has a lot of Garden Gnomes and Windmills that Look Like Flowers in her Yard" look creeping up on her. It's probably the bandana scarf under the jauntily angled hat. $20 says she spends most of her time painting and talking to her little mushroom friend now. I only vaguely remember Jewel and the one song she had back in the 90s, which it turns out is why they're talking about her. Her album "Jangle Rock for Wanna be Hippies" or whatever it was called was released 25 years ago. 

I remember this weird BIG TIME 90s fad wherein people ran around playing hacky sack, played with juggling sticks, and painted "Ban the Bomb" signs everywhere. Tie dyed shirts made a huge comeback and they all pretended to be hippies. But they also wore a lot of flannel and listened to Nirvana, got drunk a lot and went to Guns and Roses and Green Day concerts when punk made a blissfully short comeback, so it was a very weird time. "Alternative Rock" was sort of the new catch phrase and somehow Jewel got thrown into the mix, but I have no idea how. Probably because she was really cute.  This is the song she was known for. I have to admit, while I was searching for it on YouTube, I had a hard time remembering which one it was since they all Jewel songs sound mostly the same to me. 

Anyway, happy 25th anniversary Jewel Album I don't remember.

Action Bronson. IN ACTION!

 

 Action Bronson (?) is a chef (??) turned rapper (?!) and they say he lost 120 pounds. I don't know where, maybe he lost eight bowling balls on his way to league night. Call the cops maybe they can help you find them.

Lourdes Leon Goes to the Beach

 Lourdes Leon - I think that's her name - she's Madonna's daughter, put on a bikini and took her eyebrows to the beach. Oh, and her boyfriend too (no known photographs available). I guess they don't have to worry about masks et al wherever she traveled too so that's good. Usually celebrity children are off limits as far as I'm concerned, but she's 24 now, and there are world famous porn stars younger than she is so I I think it's okay to talk about her now. Especially since she doesn't seem to make any real effort at protecting her privacy. And I'll be honest, I don't really want to talk about her because seriously, who gives a fuck. I did manage to find a picture of her boyfriend but I'm not letting him stink up the place, so just imagine the kind of guy, a woman that looks like her likes, and you'd be exactly right.

Site Update

 I didn't get a chance to write anything yesterday/last night for today, maybe I'll find something later. You know there are almost 2500 total stories on this thing, right?

Kayti Edwards is Busy with Matthew Perry

 Matthew Perry has managed to get himself in the news a couple of times, hey look! Even I'm writing about him. This time it's telling the sordid tale of when he was a drug addict and how he'd use his girlfriend, Kayti Edwards, basically, as a drug mule

Kayti Edwards has claimed that Matthew Perry asked her to buy drugs for him while she was five months pregnant in 2011. He [would say], "No one's going to pull over a pregnant girl,"' Edwards claimed. Edwards said when she got the bag of items 'it was just like a smorgasbord' of pills, cocaine and sometimes heroin and crack She claimed while high on drugs he 'wandered into the neighbor’s pool naked' Edwards said that he once super-glued his hands to his legs in another incident.

Can you imagine being so whacked out on drugs you superglue your hands to yourself?  She also said she saw him take EIGHTY Vicodin in one day. When the fuck did he have time for food?  I don't think I've ever eaten 80 anything in one day. Try eating 80 onion rings or something, you'd probably puke. 

Honestly I haven't heard about Matthew Perry in like 15 years now all the sudden I know more about him than ever, and I wasn't all that interested 15 years ago.

By the way, Kayti's biography says she's 37 but I find that as hard to believe as supergluing your hands to yourself. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not saying that's bad, I'd love to go to a Social Distortion concert with her and maybe get some tattoos afterward as the Sun comes up, but she doesn't have to lie about her age.

Matthew Perry Gets Hitched

 Matthew Perry got engaged to his girlfriend of two years, Molly Hurwitz, and they're going to be the "fun" couple. The proof is right there and you can tell how zany he is because he's using a banana like a phone. Just like I did when I was 12. HAHA! I originally said he was using a phone like a banana, maybe "Matty" and I can team up for some humor related stuff!  Small wonder "Friends" was such a smash hit. If Molly doesn't have a Three Stooges seltzer bottle hidden somewhere under her chair to spray him with during a pie fight, I'll be very disappointed.

Chrishell Stause is Old

I know I said I wouldn't write about age gaps anymore but Chrishell Stause has a "younger" boyfriend...

'I had a little bit of a hang-up at first because I was worried because he's younger,' said the Selling Sunset blonde.

She's 39, and he's 31. Okay there's a difference but c'mon. They're both in their 30s, if they attended the same high school they would have both had the same teachers. They would have almost certainly had at least some over lapping friends. They would have gone to the same parties when they were in their 20s, and probably hung out in the same places and remembered the same presidents and the same cultural milestones. They're in the same age group for fuck's sake. There's at most an eight year difference. I'd hardly call that a "gap". If HE was 39 and SHE was 31 no one would think about it for even a second, I'm totally baffled by this. If she needed brain surgery there's a very real possibility her surgeon would be 31 years old. 

 If she was 51 and he was 31 okay I can see there being some cultural, generation-gap type differences but seriously... I don't know man, I'm not a psychiatrist,  I just write this shit.

Britney Spears is Drowning

Everybody relax, Britney Spears is releasing a new single! Didn't you know she still records music? It's called "Swimming in the Stars", so not only is she releasing a new single, she's 40 years old and releasing singles aimed at high school sophomores. Once again I'll ask... She's young(ish), attractive, rich, why not just stop all of this madness and buy a ranch in Montana and ride horses all day? Do you really want to be remembered for Swimming with the Stars? Go out on top.  I know that was 114 years ago but you had a good run

Kate Hudson is Dressed

 Kate Hudson has some new winter fitness... things. I just think she's cute. Where's your stupid "husband" Kate? I don't know if that's for sleeping in or just going out in. Probably sleeping. But she's wearing boots.  You couldn't wear that out in Chicago in January I don't care what kind of boots you're wearing. Isn't she just so cute?

Elliot Page is New on the Scene

 Ellen Page has come out as a man named Elliot. I guess. I must be older than I think because I have no idea how any of this works. 

"I feel lucky to be writing this. To be here. To have arrived at this place in my life," the actor, who was formerly known publicly as Ellen Page, wrote on Instagram. "I feel overwhelming gratitude for the incredible people who have supported me along this journey. I can't begin to express how remarkable it feels to finally love who I am enough to pursue my authentic self."Page said their pronouns are "he" and "they."

 They described him as the star of "Juno" but that was released almost 15 years ago so... Whatever. You can call yourself a hippopotamus for all I give a shit, I have no idea why I'm supposed to care. I'd honestly never even heard of this person before the other day - probably, like I said - because I'm old?

 I swear sometimes I feel like I just got off a troop ship after defeating the German army in WWII.

Site Update

 I didn't write anything yet today. Did I mention I prefer "Disco" Janet over "Perm" Janet? Because I do.

Christine Quinn is Famous

 Christine Quinn posed for Playboy. She's on some Netflix show called "Selling Sunsets". The name of that show sounds super familiar and I'm nearly 100% certain I wrote about someone else from that show, but I have no idea who, so I can't link back to it. 

There are so many niche-famous people now,  it's all but impossible to keep track of them. All the women are blonde, all the men have chiseled features and all of them are every color of the rainbow. 

This one is from Netflix, that one has a You Tube channel, that person is a star on Instagram... and I never know any of their names. I don't think anyone does, and it goes on and on like that. We need to start reigning this in or in a couple years everyone but me will be famous. And trust me, I don't give a fuck about you.

!!!SEXY PRE-POSTING UPDATE!!! I found that story I was talking about if you care. You don't.

Blake and Gwen Sitting in a Tree

 Blake Shelton popped the question and Gwen Stefani said "OMG YES!💖" and then Blake went out and spent more money on an engagement ring than most people in America have in the bank when they retire. $500,000. It's right there in the picture along with those fingernails I hate. For all we know the ring was leased for the photographs. Stuff like that happens all the time in The Land of Make Believe.

They're both in their 40s and 50s, do you really have to get married now? Aren't you supposed to be going to orgies or traveling the country in an RV and stopping at Waffle House at this point? I don't get it. I'd say they should just become swingers and have fun, but I think Gwen would have a lot more success at that hobby, so I can see why Blake would want to settle down if someone would have him. Good luck you wacky kids. I hope the lawyers drew up rock solid pre-nups.

Harry Styles is Confused

Harry Styles thinks we need to bring back "manly men" as is evidenced by his sarcastic tweet up there in the picture. Whatever you say Harry. Why don't you discuss the problem with the guy that threads your eyebrows. Maybe you two can come up with a solution over a couple of glasses of Chardonnay. 

Alexandra Daddario Falls Like Dominoes

It took me a surprisingly long time to write this so you better fucking read it.

Alexandra Daddario is an actress that was in the Baywatch remake with - as the source story describes - Zac Efron, and not the current biggest movie star on the planet, Dwayne Johnson. Dwayne Johnson is so famous even *I* know who he is. Why did they say Zac Efron and not Dwayne Johnson? Is Zac Efron still even famous?  Whatever, that's their business, I'm more concerned with Alex right now. 

She's in Hawaii filming a mini-series of some kind and she went snorkeling. That was the big news. The original story went into shocking detail about what she was wearing (a black bikini), and what she was doing (snorkeling, and walking out of the water), so I wanted to make sure I mentioned that. I was also going to mention how she reminded me of Domino Vitali, played by French actress and model Claudine Auger, in one of the best James Bond movies, "Thunderball",  with title song by Tom Jones, but you people probably think Timothy Dalton was a good James Bond so I'm not going to even bother. I'd for sure rescue her if she somehow managed to get her fin trapped in some coral.

 !!!PRE-POSTING SEXY STORY UPDATE!!!

I was going to save the coveted "Jane Krakowski Award for Excellence in Dipshittery" for someone else, and then she went a took a selfie on the beach right next to the ocean all by herself wearing a mask. I was going to warn her to please be careful in the water because of all the shark attacks that happen in Hawaii,  but now I'm not so sure I care about this pandering idiot.

Carmen Electra is Supernatural

Carmen Electra was asked how to stay youthful looking. I like Carmen Electra, she seems cool enough to me but I don't know where they found Carmen Electra to ask her all of this. I of course don't know her answer to this question, because I just read the headline then saved the pictures. I kind of like the one where she looks like she joined the cast for the 1979 season premier of Buck Rogers in the 25th Century . I bet her secret is pulling her pony tail until her skin looks tight. Or maybe she drinks the blood of young virginal boys. 

I'll never understand the subset of white women that are constantly dressed like it's Friday night at Caminos De Michoacan but it's a thing. I'd buy her a low rider if I could believe me.  Maybe she's the head vampire at the Titty Twister on the Mexico/US border or something like that, and that's her secret. If you ever find out be sure to let me know (please don't do that).

Kate Middleton Parties

There was a story about Kate Middleton and Prince Ed or whatever his name is, that had something to do with a fight they had? I think? I have no idea. She's pretty hot. Look at her in her disco sequins, man alive. That picture is the whole reason I wrote this by the way. I just don't get what makes that guy so attractive. I mean besides the fact that he comes from a 900 year old family with a billionaire mom that lives in a castle, I mean seriously, what the fuck, women can be so shallow

Kodak Black Sends a Message

Kodak Black is serving a 46 month sentence for something I'm sure he didn't do, and yet, he somehow manages to have a Twitter account that he seems to actually use. That's how he sent this little gem... 

'If The President Them Free Me , I’m Gonna Spend 1 million on Charity within The First Year I’m Out. That’s on Everything ‼️'

He's since deleted it, probably because he was unhappy with the grammar. Or maybe he didn't want everyone IN THE PRISON to know he was on Twitter? I honestly can't say. Whatever the case may be, if you have tattoos on your face, prison is probably the best place for you.